Rants: Everyday Venting

[Ori]

I'm so angry, I think it actually caused my stomach to feel sick. Thanks dad, I'll take your words of criticism. Some day I hope I get to say the same thing to you, and let's see whose looking down on each other then.<Avoids viciously long rant.>

[Dax Declan]

I felt sick all day then I realized my hands and arms are turning green from my lack of iron again.

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[Rocco Rex]

My tablet is constantly dropping internet for longer periods. Guess I have to get a new one. Great 

[The Magic Otter]

Even though I've been doing well recently, there continues to be an ever persistent feeling of absolute dread which stalks me, for example:
A friend from abroad visited me, we had fun for two of the four days she was here and after these events all I could think was stuff along the lines of 'what if she didn't like my company? What if she thought I was annoying? What if she avoids talking to me?'
Or even, I recently passed the day which marked me and my mate's year anniversary and after all of my hyping about it, that cloud of dread befell me again and I began thinking 'what if she leaves me? What if I'm boring her? What if I'm annoying? What if she falls for someone else?'
I know this line of thinking is irrational, but I can't escape it, quite frankly, I find myself a detestable person and I worry that others will see me this way and abandon me... Unfortunately, the worry has developed into more than that, it has become fear.
I'm scared...

[Rocco Rex]

Even though I've been doing well recently, there continues to be an ever persistent feeling of absolute dread which stalks me, for example:
A friend from abroad visited me, we had fun for two of the four days she was here and after these events all I could think was stuff along the lines of 'what if she didn't like my company? What if she thought I was annoying? What if she avoids talking to me?'
Or even, I recently passed the day which marked me and my mate's year anniversary and after all of my hyping about it, that cloud of dread befell me again and I began thinking 'what if she leaves me? What if I'm boring her? What if I'm annoying? What if she falls for someone else?'
I know this line of thinking is irrational, but I can't escape it, quite frankly, I find myself a detestable person and I worry that others will see me this way and abandon me... Unfortunately, the worry has developed into more than that, it has become fear.
I'm scared...

I know the feeling. I don't have those exact situations, but that is exactly how I feel often. I'm desperately hunting for a job and there's this one that sounds pretty good, but I'm too much of a coward. Why? Because a youth pastor who I had excellent relations with years ago before he left works there.

Which brings me to my rant. Just a lovely time here in paradise. Nothing going right, everything going wrong. Getting in another one of my extremely tense, extremely angry moods thanks to everything the past days. No jobs coming through, home life being lovely as ever, I'm as much of a cowardly, lazy, asshole failure as ever, making less physical progress than I want, I can't even do well at BF4, and now my one link to the outside world, the tablet I'm typing on right now, is dying. So I'll have to buy a new one.
Usually typing it out helps. This time it's only getting me more passed of. Lovely, and just another thing to tack on.

[Nishjin]

I understand the struggles of self-doubt, as I was picked on incessantly all through every grade of school. I was called, (among other things I won't list) annoying, weird, crazy, and even psychopath. I knew the last one wasn't true because a psychopath wouldn't feel the sadness that I did after I got called it, but the rest I was really scared of. I always wondered if I would get very far with people thinking of me like that. Then it hit me.

I started not caring about what other people thought, doing whatever I wanted to do without being worried about what others were thinking. And then something crazy happened: I started making friends. People actually liked me BETTER when I was more like me, instead of when I was trying to impress them. To this day, I still don't get how it worked that way, but it did. From the beginning of eighth grade to the end I went from the annoying kid who nobody likes to one of the most popular people in the school. Of course, then I got pulled from school to start homeschooling, but that's a rant of its own. I learned everything I really needed to know before I got taken out of conventional schooling, and that was that people can tell when you're trying to be someone else. So don't. Be yourself, and you'll make friends that you like instead of friends who you want to make like you. Does that make sense? I dunno. Maybe I'm just rambling. But if you take one thing from all this, take this;

Don't see yourself as a detestable person. See yourself as a person. Anyone who thinks that they're perfect are detestable, everyone else is just normal. Everyone has flaws, and everyone has the capacity to cope with other people's flaws.

[Rocco Rex]

Don't see yourself as a detestable person.

No, disgusting is more appropriate. For me at least. I'm trying to stop (which includes not being myself and trying to force myself to change) but surprise surprise, it isn't going well.
Oh, and not caring what people think can easily back fire. Just saying from personal experience.

[The Magic Otter]

When I stopped caring what they said, they took more drastic methods to get my attention, they stole my stuff, they harassed me to no end, they threatened to kill me, they beat me up, they said that they would come to my house and break the windows. Hell, I sustained a head injury which meant that I couldn't be in school for a while, and this was when my exams were close, so I missed many lessons I needed.
People like that are just out to make people life hell and guess what? I couldn't even fight back because I was in sixth form and they were younger (not that I didn't kick the s*it out of one of them)!
When I told teachers they simply said that I didn't have any proof for most of the harassment, when I took a video, they told me that I was in the wrong and wouldn't even watch the thing.
When they looked at the CCTV, the video was too blurry so they couldn't do anything.
When they were mocking me RIGHT IN FRONT OF A TEACHER, guess what? They said they heard nothing and believed the guy when he called me a lier and that I've always lied to the staff about him.
So suddenly I was in the wrong for every solution that I could think of.
THAT is the reality, nothing helps when the harassers are younger, because the teachers believed everything they said and I couldn't lay a finger on them or I would be branded (as I was for some time) a 'child killer' even though I slapped this person twice to scare him (it worked, mind). -_-
So yeah, this is a supposed 'child killer' telling you all of this, rumours even went around that I had raped and murdered someone, all in all, I hated that school (which was a secondary school, not primary) and I'm glad I'm going to college because now I'm officially free from those insolent pigs.

[Rocco Rex]

Well, at least it looks like my tablet isn't dying after all, it's the internet. And I can't tell dad because he'll blow up, and he's in a peachy mood right now too. So unless if it affects him too much, I'll have to adjust to pathetic connection. I just hope it doesn't screw me in any of my four online courses this semester.

[kalan]

Tonight is the night imma snap and slap the shit out of one of my servers. Im tired of them asking me where the food goes....i dont know to the **censor** customer that ordered it. I already run a whole kitchen you want me to do your job to

And they call me chef ramsey like its an insult. I wear it like a a **censor** badge of honor around here

[Bricket]

TBH I immagine your avi walking around in a kitching acting like Ramsey

[kalan]

That would be awesome ayvda walking around swearing at everybody

[Dax Declan]

Feeling really worried about my cat. After that attack her condition is getting worse

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[Dax Declan]

I keep being stupid and starving my body of proper sleep and when I do this I have have constant anxiety and depression.

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Post Merge: August 22, 2016, 10:00:23 PMRundown of how my day went.

Dozed off all day, get harassed by little shit heads while dozing off, came home to my dad demanding i fix his phone, i put in his new battery which fries his phone and literally lights on fire, i get bitched at for it, mom comes home and bitches at me for something unrelated, i start doing dishes, get screamed at, have emotional breakdown and start crying, get stabbed in the hand while doing dishes, still crying, then my dream college called me mid emotional breakdown. Now i apparently have a college visit scheduled which i doubt ill be able to get to.

[Farewell]

 Anger is a mask hiding my true face of depression. I really don't want to get hurt so I lash out at others just to protect myself. I'm a complete asshole to people I love, it's not intentional... I have a short temper and hold mean grudges, often hating people for no reason what so ever.