Rants: Everyday Venting

[HyenaKing]

Where is the point where you get professional help?

[Cecilia Peromi]

I would say whenever you feel like you really need it. Finding someone who can help is a very good choice in my opinion.

[HyenaKing]

Don't bother someone who doesn't get paid for it. To relive your suffereing, to blankly listen to your problems, and try to not think about it to much, let it fade away,
Friends keep it inside them. It infects them. I can't allow that.

[Angder]

I would rather know what's bothering a friend, and be able to try help them, than to know my friend is in distress, and not even know why.

I have often shouldered others problems, and knowing they are slightly happier because of it is one of the best feelings I have ever felt.

[Grovygrunge]

I bought a game on steam as a birthday gift for someone.
They accepted it, but today when I spoke to them they were all "You shouldn't do stuff like that, now you're just going to stress me out because now I have to get you something for christmas"


If this really upset their balance of the universe or whatever so badly I had to be loudly scolded for it, then there's this nice big "Decline" button there for them to click on, so that I could've given the game to someone else who might have actually appreciated it.


"Let no good deed go unpunished"

I implore you to not see that as your friend being an asshole. I do this. I don't mind getting gifts, gifts are nice but it also makes me really paranoid I don't get my friends any gifts. Makes me wonder if that makes me a bad friend or if I'm supposed to. Causes me to worry if other friends see the acceptance of gifts as just mooching. Then because I state such things out loud I worry that people start to think it's my way of trying to excuse ungratefulness.




Basically, it sucks to get nice things from people you care abut and feel like this anyway, don't make them feel like an asshole for it.


I mean unless there are other factors as to why they are an asshole. In which case, full steam ahead.


 

[Angder]

I bought a game on steam as a birthday gift for someone.
They accepted it, but today when I spoke to them they were all "You shouldn't do stuff like that, now you're just going to stress me out because now I have to get you something for christmas"


If this really upset their balance of the universe or whatever so badly I had to be loudly scolded for it, then there's this nice big "Decline" button there for them to click on, so that I could've given the game to someone else who might have actually appreciated it.


"Let no good deed go unpunished"

I implore you to not see that as your friend being an asshole. I do this. I don't mind getting gifts, gifts are nice but it also makes me really paranoid I don't get my friends any gifts. Makes me wonder if that makes me a bad friend or if I'm supposed to. Causes me to worry if other friends see the acceptance of gifts as just mooching. Then because I state such things out loud I worry that people start to think it's my way of trying to excuse ungratefulness.




Basically, it sucks to get nice things from people you care abut and feel like this anyway, don't make them feel like an asshole for it.


I mean unless there are other factors as to why they are an asshole. In which case, full steam ahead.

If I get someone a gift, Its a gift. If you see it as something more, thats your problem. I am just trying to be nice. Note I also do not give gifts often, so if you recieve one, its because I view you as enough of a friend that sharing something with you is a reward unto itself.
Something in return is also nice. But not required, otherwise its a transaction, not a gift.


Also, i think its the volume of the response Cheza is angry about, not the basic sentiment.

[Nrein]

Terrible, crappy day at work today. Just about everything that could piss me off in my job, happened.  The worst thing is that this trend is going to continue next Monday and Tuesday, possibly Wednesday  too.

[Cheza]

I bought a game on steam as a birthday gift for someone.
They accepted it, but today when I spoke to them they were all "You shouldn't do stuff like that, now you're just going to stress me out because now I have to get you something for christmas"


If this really upset their balance of the universe or whatever so badly I had to be loudly scolded for it, then there's this nice big "Decline" button there for them to click on, so that I could've given the game to someone else who might have actually appreciated it.


"Let no good deed go unpunished"

I implore you to not see that as your friend being an asshole. I do this. I don't mind getting gifts, gifts are nice but it also makes me really paranoid I don't get my friends any gifts. Makes me wonder if that makes me a bad friend or if I'm supposed to. Causes me to worry if other friends see the acceptance of gifts as just mooching. Then because I state such things out loud I worry that people start to think it's my way of trying to excuse ungratefulness.




Basically, it sucks to get nice things from people you care abut and feel like this anyway, don't make them feel like an asshole for it.


I mean unless there are other factors as to why they are an asshole. In which case, full steam ahead.

If I get someone a gift, Its a gift. If you see it as something more, thats your problem. I am just trying to be nice. Note I also do not give gifts often, so if you recieve one, its because I view you as enough of a friend that sharing something with you is a reward unto itself.
Something in return is also nice. But not required, otherwise its a transaction, not a gift.


Also, i think its the volume of the response Cheza is angry about, not the basic sentiment.

I'm with Angder on this one. I don't give gifts often, and when I do, it's because I want to try to be nice. (In this case, the guy should know that too, which only further adds to my frustration. I'm mostly annoyed because of how every single thing I try to do for him gets twisted and turned into something negative I should be scolded for.)
If I get something in return, I'd much rather have it be "because they felt like it" rather than "they felt like they had to"
It's not supposed to be a trade, but just something small to hopefully brighten up a persons day a little.




*Rustles papers and goes back to ranting about that guy. Because of stirred up memories and feels I'd rather not bottle up again*


Our whole relationship has been really icy for years. We get along well enough, but it's got to be him who initiates contact or else stuff like this happens. (If I try to start talking to him no matter how long it's been since our last conversation I usually get yelled at for being clingy/annoying/whatever else he feels is wrong at the time. If -he- contacts me, on the other hand, everything's sunshine and rainbows and he might even consider stopping by for a visit.)
Lately it had finally started to seem like things were starting to thaw up enough for us to have a more normal and natural friendship again, so I decided to try giving him a small birthday gift. Nothing too big or amazing, but with some thought put into it.
Which clearly didn't go over well with him, and now I've apparently managed to ruin his life for the 9001th time.


In truth, I've tried cutting the ties with this guy multiple times, but he always start guilt-tripping me and luring me back with false promises of him becoming a better person and that he'll stop taking me for granted like this. Or then he just start to plain out insulting me/complaining that I'm being rude, "dramatical" and insensitive. Which is kinda funny since we hardly ever talk anyway but also annoying since I'd rather not deal with stuff like that. In short, it's easier to just add him back.


He wants to keep me around for some reason, but everything's got to be according to how he wants it, and me not sticking to that clearly causes his whole world to crumble.

Spoiler for just me letting it all out once and for all for one final time. Pretty much just whining and largely irrelevant to this current mess, but I don't want to bottle it up anymore:

I've known this guy for about 4 years. We were dating for about the first two years and cohabitating for about half of that relationship, and during that time he went from being a sweet nice guy into some sort of abusive Gollum-ish monster.
I'd never accuse someone for being a "bad person" without a good reason for it, and in this case, I -most certainly- do have them, although I guess a lot of them are because of my own stupidity and I brought much of it upon myself.


During the end times of our relationship I bought him a partial fursuit as a Christmas/birthday gift. Once it arrived he admitted he was only together with me so that I'd be sure to let him have it once it arrived (which meant he stuck around for about a month or two longer than he'd have wanted to). Funnily enough, a gift like -that- didn't make him feel oblidged to get me anything but severe depression and heartbreak. (He had planned to break up after Christmas eve/my birthday, but he "couldn't stand me anymore". So he just nabbed the suit and left.)
And since he knew I was devastated because of all this, he used it to his advantage and got me to do tons of stuff I'm now regretting, by making false promises that "He could still change", and me being the brainwashed little idiot I was just took the bait every single time.


He's abused me mentally, sexually and physically multiple times, and a lot of the things still haunts me today. If I want to call him a bad person, I feel like that's way within my right at this point. And maybe also a little too kind..

Why am I still friends with this guy again? I honestly don't know anymore. I used to hope we could be normal friends again since he's the only "friend" I have in the area. Without him (which I technically pretty much already am as it is anyway) I'm completely alone in a town I don't know, and where I know noone. I guess the wounds are too deep, and that I should just accept and cut the ties no matter the consequences. I don't need people like that in my life, and people like that don't deserve me in theirs.


And that's about it.

[Grovygrunge]

Sounds like you should just not be his friend.

[kalan]

I would rather know what's bothering a friend, and be able to try help them, than to know my friend is in distress, and not even know why.

I have often shouldered others problems, and knowing they are slightly happier because of it is one of the best feelings I have ever felt.

I used to talk to my friends about what was bothering me but after talking to someone recently I ve come to the realization that its better to let it eat you than to tell others and drag them down into it

[Cecilia Peromi]

It shouldn't matter if their your friend. A true friend would go with you, through all of the troubles and darkness to help you fight your battles. That's what I would do.

[George]

It shouldn't matter if their your friend. A true friend would go with you, through all of the troubles and darkness to help you fight your battles. That's what I would do.

Sounds like you should just not be his friend.

Both of these work together. A real friend wouldn't be a total jerk like that--so there's no reason for you to try to be his. I know it's hard  to let go when you used to like someone, but it'd really be for the best if you can avoid the harassment.

[Goblin Cat 😸]

I wish I could talk about myself more, but I have such a hard time reaching out. It gets frustrating.

[kalan]

I have the most painful headache I've ever head. My god its like, pulsing in the front of my head and between my eyes. I turned on the light........oh dear god that hurt

[Peanut B. Rawket]

Wish my parents wouldn't take out their frustrations on me. That'd be kinda nice.

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