Hey all, this might be quite a long rant so if you don't read it, I don't really mind but this is a few things I need to get off of my chest.
First of all, my parents (my mum mainly) has made the most transphobic comments I've ever heard (Once saying that someone was ugly because they were trans) most of the time when she says something like that, I really have to resist the urge to just lash out, even when it isn't directed at me, it still hurts (I'm a trans girl by the way). And both of my parents won't just let me be nice to someone, I got a close friend some presents for their birthday and Christmas (They were close together), they found them and then made the biggest deal out of nothing (They were asking if I was gay!) and this continued for about a week before they realized that I'm not going to let them get any ideas because they're nothing to get ideas about (I might have been a bit of a jerk to this friend but they're the best friend I have and they're not interested in me anyway). I'm not allowed to do anything with out their permission (I'm 17!) and if I seem different than how I act around them (Slowly dying inside), my mum suddenly becomes an investigator (This happened once after being mocked by her for 20 minutes and then she wondered why I was upset).
Secondly, most of my friends, my god they can be very painful to be around most of the time, ignoring the friend mentioned in the above paragraph, all of my irl friends (likely) think that (Because of the kind of people on Tumblr that attack anyone that doesn't think like them) being trans is some kind of fad, and even if they didn't, I'm not like them, they like slinging insults at eachother and the one person that's openly bi gets so many slung at him and I couldn't handle that at all and playing the 'straight guy' gets draining day after day
Finally, I honestly feel very lonely but I can't keep talking to people for too long or I get the sudden urge to just stop talking to the person and just be alone for awhile. It's weird but I just really can't make any really friends like this (Friend in first paragraph seems to not cause it to happen, it's weird) and I feel really bad about having to find an excuse to leave and not talk for the rest of the day because I want to talk and be a better friend but the desperate urge to get out is extremely hard to ignore, I hate it, it makes me feel like such an outcast because I keep on wanting out of a chat when the other person doesn't. Sometimes I just wish that I could have a hug but I know that it's not happening
Thank you for reading this if you're still there, I just really needed to get this out of my system and I feel a bit better
Topic: 3 subjects, one rant (Read 362 times)