I'm ugly and no one will date me :(

[asterisk]

I'm 23, male, and (unfortunately?) gay. I'll try not to this make this post too long. But basically, I'm ugly. I'm not fat, don't have acne... it's my face. I can't change it without expensive plastic surgery I'll never be able to afford. Gay men are especially picky with appearence on who they date, so I'm pretty screwed.

And I'm a huge hypocrite because I'm the exact same way. I've always been considered ugly. There was a period of time from about ages 17-21 that I was considered cute. But I was never hot. I had a lot of confidence at that point, but now I have none at all. I hate my appearence. I even got the popular haircuts that many men see as fashionable. I sacrified any personal style I had. It still didn't work. Anyway, the fact is, I want an attractive boyfriend. I will not date anyone I do not find sexually attractive. I'd feel embarrassed if I did. I actually did for a while, and we both ended up cheating on each other (long story). I'm not saying I merely want a handsome trophy man, but... I just need an attractive guy.

Most gay men I see are not attractive. The attractive men are straight. The attractive gay men are either taken or have a horrible, elitist personality. Whenever I send messages to handsome guys on dating sites/apps, I get rejected. I only get messages from either really old men or the ugliest possible guys... and yes, I know that's extremely mean. I don't tell them that. I just either don't respond, or politely say I'm not interested.

Not only this, but I have a horrible personality too, or so I'm told all the time. I have no talents, no skills, am very socially awkward, I'm no fun to be around... so even if looks didn't matter, I'm still not dating material to anyone decent. I'll post my pics on furry sites and pages too, and everyone says I'm ugly. The only decent guys who have interest live extremely far away, usually in different countries. And even they eventually stop talking to me.

If I can't get a nice attractive guy, I don't want to live. I just have a feeling that the rest of my life will be miserable. I can't do anything except feel sorry for myself since there's nothing good about me.

[Laila]

Hey, guy, don't think like that. I'm sure you will find someone in time.

[Ventus Fall]

Being gay isn't unfortunate, and saying gay men are picky is really generalising a group of people. There are many different kinds of individuals, and I'm 100% sure not all gays are the same. Of course there are loads of people who want someone who looks good, but this isn't only gays. Hetero peolpe, bisexuals, etc. List goes on and on.
I personally don't know you, nor do I know how you look like, but from what I indeed read you don't have much confidence. I can tell you for sure that once you show you have confidence, you will be attractive (again). It barely is about looks moreso than it is about confidence.

Because of sacrificing your own style you are completely losing yourself and even more of your confidence what was left of it. Do not try to adjust to others when it comes to person style or tastes. You are taking yourself out of your comfort zone and that usually never ends well.


You should indeed be attracted to who you want to be attracted to, physically. But also emotionally and mentally.


And now I read that others have said bad things about you, this of course also doesn't help. It just brings you down more and more. Who are they to say you are ugly, or have a horrible personality, or whatever? No talents or skills? Yeah, whoever said that are people with no personality or skills themselves and are just out there to bring others down.


One last thing I would like to say is: Don't be needy. To yourself and towards others: Don't be needy. This sounds perhaps a bit different than what I intend to, so I'll say this:
You can live without someone else. Especially after a recent break-up it feels like this is impossible, but it's not.
the more you focus on needing someone, the more you will fall into depressions and/or get into relationships you won't be happy in.
Why? Because you are forcing yourself to live to be with someone. The first thing is to make sure you can show others you can take care of yourself. To feel confidence ad do what you want to do.
Of someone likes what you do, they will usually try to be with you. Those are the kind of people you want to be around: Similar souls, people.


I hope I didn't sound mean or anything, I just wanted to make sure everything I said was clear.
Hope this helped in some way.

[Angder]

I will say what I always say. First of all, getting a date and girl/boy/whatever friend really, REALLY, is not as much of a big important thing as people say. You can be perfectly happy without a mate.

Second of all, nothing is more unattractive than someone who is desperate. Be yourself, and don't actively look for someone. If it happens it happens. Don't get worked up about it. Also remember its better to have no mate, than an abusive or crappy one.

Finally don't spend your whole life waiting. There are other things in life, sitting on a forum or on tumblr or wherever hoping for the next person you meet to be "the one" is dumb, and a waste of time. Your just as likely to meet a GOOD mate by simply doing things, being a nice person, and making friends.

[KevAlex]

I get the same exact prob when I go on those stupid dating sites or apps. Rejected, the people on their have high standards. I get some people that seem interested but then they stop chatting with you. I dont let it get to me though, especially when I see them still on their single and they are still looking months later Just wait im sure someone will find their way to you! By the way keep positive, thats when positive things happen, maybe not right away but someday 

[drakewithout]

1. there is such a thing as a blind person
2. i doubt it, i don't find many people ugly, i found the former champion of the ugly contest's attractive . you are some's one fetish trust me on that