The "only furries" mindset

[Ottersmash]

This is something I see a lot in this fandom, and it baffles me. People will restrict themselves to only or primarily furry social settings... then post about how lonely and isolated they feel. When you suggest that they look outside the fandom for love, company, and socialization, they have a million half-assed excuses (occasionally a genuine one) and a plethora of ways to dodge the subject.
 
 I'd like to feel bad for people who are lonely, I really would, but it becomes harder and harder when it's willful. Why is it such a common sight when it's (hopefully) only one aspect of a person? Everyone's gone through some problems with their self-esteem or social presence at some point, but walling yourself off to a single group of people to cope seems counter-productive.

I can't point fingers, I did it too. When I was 14-18, I had terrible self-esteem and hung out almost exclusively among furries. And tossing aside the crutch that was a single community consisting largely of fantasy was the best and brightest thing that ever happened to me - I just had to work for it.

One of the more common reasons I hear behind it is that furries are more "open-minded," which only makes me think that they've managed to overlook all the petty squabbles and the prejudice towards every orientation, religion, gender, and lifestyle under the sun that is alive and well in furries as much as in anyone else. It reminds me a little of a quote by Robert Frost, which I think went "If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom."

The difference being, that this is a community of people pretending to be cute, cuddly characters who don't necessarily hate homosexuality and alternative sexual preferences who are more eager than normal to make friends and give out hugs. If you're not one of the people coming under fire, then why not - it's rainbows, puppies, and tolerance all around.

A legitimate question as well as a vent.

[NJMike]

This all sounds just like me, being lonely, depressed and having no self-esteem, probably because of limiting myself to only furries, but it's not just that; I am very nonindependent, unmotivated and nonsocial, so I don't even plan to get out to meet these fellow furs that I would so like to do.

But anyway, I just am this way because I feel it fits me the most out of anything else. I feel I could get along better with fellow furries than with non-furries. This usually holds true for me as well.

[Valdyr]

I've noticed this phenomenon as well, though I wouldn't count myself among the group in question (lonely individuals who have sealed themselves purely within the fandom).  Most of my social contacts are not furries, nor do I restrict my dating to furries.  Hell, I don't even look for it. 


The question in my mind is how to help these people; they often can't be reasoned with in a conventional sense, given their warped view of the world beyond the fandom.

[CrazyCat]

I just don't like social encounters whether it be with furries or non-furs. So I isolate myself, which makes me feel depressed, which in turns makes me less willing to socialize and and look for love and company. It's one hell of a vicious cycle. So it's not that I limit my social encounters to only furries. It's that I completely cut myself off from the world. This shall not end well.

[WingedZephyr]

I think there's a bit of both. Some people may be lonely because they're surrounded by the fandom all the time, but some people may surround themselves in the fandom because they've found loneliness everywhere else. Some do actually socialize outside the fandom and are just fine.

I don't think this is even something exclusive to furries. Anyone who gets stuck inside a particular social circle might see that circle as all they have. It's difficult to expand beyond it, and if you find someone outside of it, it can be even more difficult to combine two people from different social circles. It would be ideal to find someone in a social circle where you're both already comfortable, but the world just doesn't work that way sometimes.

[✡]

I hang out mostly with non-furries actually. I find it a better use of my time to associate with all types of people

[Kaprika]

i think that alot of this has to do with why a person joins the fandom in the first place

people join for acceptance..love..to be with people like them, because everywhere else they are rejected.
so they become comfortable with the haven they have..and feel no reason to venture away from it, are uncomfortable to or just plain afraid.

and some people really just preffer the company of another fur
83

its not bad...but they have to also be willing to take the negatives that comes with secluding yoruself

[NJMike]

i think that alot of this has to do with why a person joins the fandom in the first place

people join for acceptance..love..to be with people like them, because everywhere else they are rejected.
so they become comfortable with the haven they have..and feel no reason to venture away from it, are uncomfortable to or just plain afraid.

and some people really just preffer the company of another fur
83

its not bad...but they have to also be willing to take the negatives that comes with secluding yoruself

I originally joined because it was interesting, but now it's because of love, acceptance, etc.; the things you mentioned.

[Sne]

I do not have that mindset. I try to socialize as much as I can (while I still can?), but it's not a lot. It gets progressively more difficult for me to make further contact. I like it here (even though it gets more difficult too) because furries and friends understand or at least have an idea of what it is to be therian. However rare it may be (or it's just my luck), non-furries also happen to understand, but it's just less probable. And understanding is crucial. Faking everything is not bound to work in the long run, so that has to be told and if it's not understood it may be shunned.

That is pretty much the same thing as WingedZephyr had said, just less about common interests and more about acceptance, I think. Both interests and acceptance matter, of course.

Again, people around each and single one of us differ a lot and internet-based community is the same for everyone by definition. One might have tolerant and generally friendly people around, the other person might be far less lucky. For both furry fandom is common, so the first person might say the other has the "only furries" mindset. It's a fallacy.

It could be measurable only if we consider groups that are common for everybody - again, Internet-based - not specific (like in real life). Considering that, even I don't restrict myself to furries only, however that's the easiest for me I guess. There's also the cuteness thing... Anyhow, I think there's no point in trying to succeed in multiple social groups if one can't completely handle the easiest one.

Ottersmash, you've called it a crutch. Excellent analogy. Because some people still need to use crutches and will fall, wither and die without them. I'm glad to hear at least your social legs got better. CrazyCat is rolling on an analogous wheelchair but still not alone. CrazyCat, if you try to get up socially, it might hurt, I know, but you won't fall to your demise if you'll have us to roll on, just in case. Be brave and try to get up once in a while.

Maybe a bit metaphorgotten...

[Midnight Madness]

I hang out mostly with non-furries actually. I find it a better use of my time to associate with all types of people

I am in the same scenario as Drake. In fact, I even have friends who make quips like "it's all the furry's fault." Do I care? God no I don't. I understand the negative sentiment against the fandom may cause others to socially and physically withdraw from all other contact, but generally why that happens is because some people just don't have enough pride or self-esteem to do anything - their lack of self-esteem keeps them from thinking they can acquire self-esteem. Honestly, that is a rant on its own for me.

To note those who fear the comments of non-furs, get used to it. Even furries discriminate among one another. In the words of 2, the Ranting Gryphon: "So, what, do all the mythical creatures take a back seat on the bus because we're not realistic enough?" So even while a lot of the fandom can be accepting, yet more are not. The same can be said for religion (and atheism), politics, and so forth. No place is safe, so restricting oneself to one demographic still makes you no better off, if it doesn't make things worse.

And just to say, if you commune over the internet, you're not necessarily isolated. You're expressing that part of you that would show when you would get with people in real life; even the meme references and such. Sure, you're isolated from physical presence, but you're still talking with people, aren't you? Well, I hope you are. Clever Bot isn't exactly brilliant company.

I understand where you come from, Ottersmash. I see it too, with so many. But it's that desire to be with people who agree, not disagree; how many people want disagreement, or like disagreement? I doubt there are that many. That's what a friend is, to some extent, right? A person you agree with, trust and who respects your differences? We already restrict ourselves. We don't hang out with people we always disagree with. So why limit yourself so narrowly? It's to eliminate that chance of disagreement as much as possible. Honestly, what will one do when one HAS to go out? Just sit in a corner and hide? That is what gets people mocked, being afraid of associating even the most kind and gentle people. Come on, a lot of people want to give you a chance, don't turn them away.

I don't try to date solely furries, either, like Valdyr brought up. But the strange incident is that I often end up dating a furry/scaly; out of a chance of I don't know what, I have dated two female furries now, the first I didn't even know about her fandom inclusion. But it happens to me with online friends, too. I always make friends with furries, it seems; not many of my watchers are non-furs. I am friends with all the furries at my school, as well; hell, even a brony or two. But no matter, my non-fur friends outnumber my furry friends. Probably sixty-plus percent are non furs irl? I'm even friends with a fur hater, two in fact.

Humans will naturally seek out those who share ideals and ideas with them, so I can't blame the isolation seekers, but I sure would never be happy as one.

*insert Sne's utter brilliance here*

Agreed, with all of it. You know, to be honest, some of that could cheer up them emo kids, too.

But to be serious, I've never had the crutch to hold me up, even when my legs were broken, I had to stand up myself; with minimal intervention. To be blunt, I should be the one isolating myself for all time, based on my life. Even if yours is worse than mine, it doesn't do to run away, because then you never find an answer. Don't you that isolate yourselves want the feeling of people caring? Only way to get that, if it truly is your desire, is to do as Sne said and stand up; if you never stand up, you won't be moving anywhere. Only the good things in life are worth fighting for, so expect adversity when striving for the best. Holing up only makes you weaker to it.

For those who have played Pokemon, think about this matchup: Water/Ground Versus Grass. Who wins? You'd think grass, right? Not if you prepare properly. Give that water/ground type the right items, and the right moveset, and it will decimate the grass type. The same goes for preparing to fight adversity on your attempt to get moving. And if you fail, giving up will only leave you worse off. Once you start, you should never stop. To reiterate Sne, be brave. Advocate yourself; because in reality, you're the one who decides if you get to be happy, sad or mad. And the last time I checked, nobody wants misery or frustration.

I've seen the greatest things in people, and I have seen the worst. And like within the fandom, the negative stands out more than the positive. But you have to perceive the positive for it to be tangible. If you don't, of course you'll think your life is awful.

Your life is your choice, not anyone else's. Even if you're dying, you have a choice. So be alone, or find more of those people who agree and accept you?

[icy wolf]

Well i joined the fandom beacuse i found it intresting, then came acepptens finaly firends. i love the fandom,  but the only thing is i havent been able to find some one so yes iam lonely but iam fine with that.

[Alison Marie]

i think that alot of this has to do with why a person joins the fandom in the first place

people join for acceptance..love..to be with people like them, because everywhere else they are rejected.
so they become comfortable with the haven they have..and feel no reason to venture away from it, are uncomfortable to or just plain afraid.

and some people really just preffer the company of another fur
83

its not bad...but they have to also be willing to take the negatives that comes with secluding yoruself
 

 
i have to agree. the fandom is so excepting that when you spend enough time here it becomes the only social incounter that you long for. it happens and lets be honust the average person just wants to be excpeted. the sad thing about that is, when your looking for exceptance you find yourself in a position were people think of you as a wierdo, or some one who doesnt belong because of what scociety has shaped it to be. whitch is the problem with some people. they look for comfurt but seek someone to lead them.

[Aoren Deringer]

There are most definitally people with this mindset but it people tend to find a social archetype and stick with it. Some people are only comfortable being around others of their own social status, subculture, race or even their own work environment and anything outside of that seems alien and occasionally disinteresting. The unfortunate side affect is that as a widely internet-based community many people cannot access other furs. Thus they isolate themselves socially. Anyhow that's just my view, as I cant claim to be an answer considering that all of my time is spent with non-furries (not by choice, of course o.o).