That's what we call pressure. Honestly: I don't see any further purpose in doing all of this.
If people expect you to fail, if your dad expects you to fail, if he motivates you to fail. That's the moment your life is over and I should have realised this sooner
My dad, almost daily, makes sure I know he 'knows' I'm a failure who will never do anything. I fight in spite of him. I fight to prove him dead wrong. For a many years, I had no hope, no purpose in life, no will to live. The only reason I was alive was because I was still breathing. At times, I wanted death, but never tried. Just wished and longed for it. I was really, really dark and screwed up in 'other' ways too. I probably should have been locked up or killed.
Now, after many, many years, I have found something to fight for. The funny thing? It is something I have swore up and down I'd NEVER do, or even consider. Yet, it has finally given me purpose. Hope. A reason and a will to fight. Now, I don't give a shit about what he says. I found something to fight for, a reason to live, and I couldn't care less what he says. A large fight is brewing, one that will probably get me kicked out, even though I'd have less than $1,000 after I sell my few assets, no car, no job or work experience, and no friends. And I'm not sure what will happen to the rest of my family afterwards. But I'm willing to and plan to risk literally everything to pursue my newly found purpose.
It sounds cliché, but you just need to find your purpose. Your reason to fight. No one can tell you what it is. As in my case, it might be something you swore you'd never do. Please, keep fighting and search.
