Rants: Everyday Venting

[Alistair]

Neither of my sinks are properly sealed and leak, great.

[DestinyUnleashed]

Some days I just don’t believe it. I can’t imagine my Dad not being here anymore. I sit in my room and just think “There is no way.”

I almost forget that he isn’t here.
I forget that he isn’t on his way home from the work site, driving back home for lunch before doing farm work for the rest of the day.
I forget that he’s no longer just a phone call away.
I forget that he isn’t out in the garage fixing his truck.

These are all little things that people take for granted. You don’t realize how much those little things hurt.

My Dad protected me and was my mentor.
You don’t think about how much your parents do for you. Especially a Dad. Especially a Dad like mine.
One who scolded me, made me tough, pushed me, made me do things to make myself BETTER, encouraged me, supported me.

This is how I remember my Dad. Old photos and videos just don’t do him justice though. This is still so difficult. No matter how many times I seem to forget that he isn’t here…I guess it will always be this way though. It still so unreal. Still impossible to imagine. But its reality.

[Cecilia Peromi]

I'm so sorry for your loss Destiny. I know what it's like to lose a parent. Sometimes it gets so hard and I wish my mom was here but she's just not. I don't live with my parents, I live with my Aunt and Uncle. I have a dad but I have no clue where he is. So I know what this is like Destiny, and I can tell you it's alright. *hugs*

[DestinyUnleashed]

Yeah, I lost my mom too but that was a long time ago, I still have my step mom and the rest of my family but it's just not the same.
I know many people who don't have supportive fathers or fathers at all. What we had was truly special and he molded me into the person I am today. He had complete and utter trust in me and we had such a strong understanding for each other. He knew all of my secrets and I knew all of his. I even told him that I was a furry, I came out of the closet (I'm bisexual) for him, and he just took it all and he didn't think of me any differently.

Someone messaged me on Facebook today asking me why I put a blue ribbon in my Dad’s casket. It was oddly random, considering the funeral was back in October, not to mention a little nosy… However I feel like this person knew there was a lot more meaning to it rather than “Daddy gave me horses…” which is what I mostly told everyone else. So I decided to tell her.


As long as I have been showing, I didn’t win very many ribbons. Mostly because I was on green ponies or my own horses who weren’t really hunter type horses to begin with. My VERY first horse show was a schooling show at the barn I was taking lessons at. Not a huge deal, but for a 8 year old this was my dream come true since the last shows I did were lead line when I was 4. So this was the big one. I was finally able to go out there on my own and do my thing. Being 8 I still didn’t really know horse shows at all or how they judged anything, so I told my Dad my equitation was going to be perfect and I would win a ribbon.


Now, I still remember this. He said, “Don’t you dare come out of that ring crying to me. You’re not gonna cry or be upset because you know why? You tried your best and you did everything you were taught to do. That is all anyone can ask of you.” I looked at him like he was crazy, because me? Not win? Psht. My riding was awesome. There were about 10 or so other riders, all about my age or a little older


I didn’t place. My heart sunk. The first person I looked at was my Dad. He had this funny look on his face. The kind that looks like he is about to laugh or scold me. He did a lot of those faces. I came out of the ring. Pretty sure my face was blue trying to hold in the tears because I knew my Dad would probably pick on me if I didn’t listen to what he told me.


He said, “BREATHE, and let it out.” I cried like a baby. Maybe two years later I did another show, this one slightly more advanced since this time I was jumping. Ribbons didn’t really flow into my palms, so I was tough enough to accept a loss. I wasn’t going to be a sore loser either.


That day. I got my first blue ribbon. My Dad said, “Good job Rayna, you did your best and you did everything you were taught to do.”


I now look at that as his continual life lesson for me.
I’m a perfectionist. I like to have everything a certain way and I always like to have things go my way. I do whatever I can to make them go my way. Looking at it now he was always right. In everything I should do my best and do what he has taught me.


Be kind to others.
Fight for what you want.
Don’t take crap from anybody.
Be tough.
TALK TO PEOPLE.


And as long as I do my best, nothing bad will happen. That its okay to breathe and cry when I need to. Things happen for a reason and I will be okay. So that’s why I gave him my ribbon. As a sort of promise to keep doing my best.

[Cecilia Peromi]

That's beautiful, all of it. Your father sounds like he was a wonderful caring person. You were lucky to have him, and he was lucky to have you. And he can still be there for you. You just have to look deep inside. You sound like a great person Destiny. We're glad to have you on the forums.

[DestinyUnleashed]

Thank you so much, that means a whole lot to me. All of this is just hard to deal with and I'm glad I finally have a place to vent it out without a doctor telling me that I should feel this or that. My feelings are my feelings, I know I can be whiny and bitchy but this topic is just one of the very few things I have a lot of trouble opening up about. Again, thanks.

[DestinyUnleashed]

Thanks, and I do feel a lot better.
No one really knows what I'm going through IRL and as mentioned before, I'm tired of talking about problems I already know the solutions to, I just haven't found the motivation to put them in action. But I'm working on it.


My dad was a very wonderful person, he lit up any room he walked into and he was kind to everyone, even if they were different. He treated everyone in the same courteous manner and he was very good to my stepmom. Telling other people about him helps me cope with his passing.

[Bricket]

I am not really ranting but more telling how I feel.
People who have watched me know that I have writen about my suicide tendencies I had and the time I almost did it and I know what kind of horrible zone that is.

Truth is, I don't feel well mentally: my work is slacking and I keep asking myself: why am I useful, and I always come to the same conclusion: I am not.
I could disappear and no one would notice or care, even on this forum

[Cecilia Peromi]

No Bricket, you're wrong. If you left we would all be very sad. Please don't leave, please.

[DestinyUnleashed]

I hate having my fursona "split" between two species.


No, she isn't a hybrid, but sometimes she's represented as a wolf, and sometimes a horse.
The wolf is more for social interaction and the horse is more for art, but I wish I could just pick one.


I have a very strong attachment to horses, I literally get chills when I'm on one.
Wolves have a very unique impact in my life, but I can't tell you what it is exactly. Too personal. If you know of my heritage you might be able to guess why.


Both of those animals are extremely important to be, but I think I sometimes confuse people. It also doesn't help that I prefer my fursona feral, which makes me stick out even more in the furry fandom. I just wish I could make a decision.

[Midnight Madness]

Politics are an all consuming demon hellbent on foisting strife into the lives of everyone it touches. While I have my views and a willingness to express them, the volatility that it instills in people deeply disturbs me. People believing their side is so morally pure they can do no wrong simply because of mindless propaganda spouted by the media, and yet they insist they're individuals when they're all puppeted by the same string of ignorance and hatred.

Blind faith and dogma fills the void of its conscience, overriding all sensibility and logic. It tries to contort reality to fit its narrative and eradicate all other ideas as inferior.

While politics are necessary for a structured society, the incarnation we see is disgusting and monstrous, like a tumor bursting at the seams with pustules of filth and a mountain of callous rhetoric. It's killing us all and turning us into monsters.

It's as I said before: the generation of an eye for an eye - slowly making the whole world blind.

[ST-84 Sahelanthropus]

This election in the United States of America this year has been truly horrible. To avoid argument and to avoid ushering in moderators to tell us all to play nice or whatever, I won't say who I support... but I will say it has never been Trump.

You know, for a while I've actually been wondering if recent politics have been much of a focus in this thread. I kinda wouldn't be surprised if so, but at the same time, with this place being like a furry kindergarten where nobody's feelings should get hurt, I actually am surprised it has been brought up at all now.

[ZalTheRaccoon]

Apparently me failing to kill myself is considered funny.

[Cecilia Peromi]

I don't find that funny at all Zal. Only a monster without a heart would laugh at that.

[DestinyUnleashed]

Be careful when discussing topics like suicide, it's not really allowed here.




My mom called saying Destiny coliced earlier this morning. They flushed her out and she is up and moving and did her business. So she should be fine. She is so high maintenance its sad… she is a good horse but she is not for a nervous rider. So I will be riding her again along with Kiss this summer to try and get her sold. I wish I didn’t have to sell her but honestly I don’t have the time or money for all of them, especially since I’m the only one that can properly ride them all. Oh well, hopefully I can find her a good home by the end of the summer. Since she is feeling pretty well the past few months I could probably do some schooling shows with her too to get her back in the game. We shall seeee.