Calling all Roleplayers interested in serious RPs!

[Otebon Albrecht]

Sorry for the delay in my post. Started my new job today and just got back and had some food. Alright... now. Where do we stand eh?

I'm going to start my "coaching" after Jovi's previous post. That way we have some continuity. If you wish me to reach back farther and "coach" your post, please just tell me and I'll be more than happy to.

To Beatnory:

Very good post. I especially like that you added in personal information as well as the action of the drink falling over. As a big writer and story-kinda guy, I love to see background and very internal information in a character. It makes your post more than just some words on a page; your character comes alive! Just make sure that you don't replace "," with "." as you did posted below. Other than that, wonderful post and great coloring for the speech (especially copying Jovi's colors for her words. That's worth bonus points).

menu with a glass of Cocoa. This was his favorite drink.

To Sigcutio:

You had a very good post with no spelling or grammar errors that I could see. You also put in some very inferable personal information with your last line. That tells me, a reader that spends a lot of time thinking about characters, a good deal about who Sigcutio is. He's observant and he wants to join in. Your bolding of your speech is okay. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just unorthodox. The only problem I see is that you didn't react to Beatnory spilling Cocoa over everyone...

Can't just leave people out like that.

To Colio4:

You have a good post, once more making me kind of laugh as this tough guy named Jacen walks through the cafeteria, making the weaklings mess their pants. I would suggest that you double check your grammar before posting. There are a few mistakes that only people like me (grammar-Nazi's) would truly care about, but still. Also try to denote speaking by using quotation marks ("").

Also the same as Sigcution; don't leave Beatnory out of the action. He just spilled Cocoa over everyone and no one mentioned it.

To Dirtcopter77:

First things first, you have a good post, story-wise. You tell a story and move the action along. My concerns are the length (it's very short) and the fact that your internal thoughts and speech are not separated from your post. As I read this, this is what I would have suggested writing.

Dirt looked around, seeming nervous. Well...I sure brought a lot of people to this table. So, who are you all?

"I'm Dirt. W-well, not really, but...that's what they call me."

He smiled nervously, but sat lower in his seat and began to eat. [Then add more about how you feel and what you're thinking about so that you have 3 lines of text.]

Otebon opened his eyes as he heard a series of disturbances in the cafeteria. First there was a series of people rapidly vacating their seats (the irritating sound that the chairs made as it was drawn across the ground made Otebon's ears twitch in pain) and then a younger Fox tripped and spilled his drink all over a table.

Otebon had to smile and stifle a laugh. Oh... to be young and uncoordinated again... He thought to himself as he turned to his meal.

Now that he had his eyes open, he could see Jacen. He'd been worried about the guy since he'd first met him. Otebon personally didn't care about Jacen, he went his way and Otebon tried his best to keep a healthy distance, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't step in if Jacen tried something with one of the students.

Otebon hated bullies...

[Sigcutio]

(Sorry about missing that post Beatnory! I was rushed for time because I needed to eat dinner and just posted up what I had without editing that in  )


In one moment, Sig was about to bite into his sandwich and in the next Beatnory's cocoa covered the table and dripped over the edges. Sig's pants were stained with cocoa as it poured over. With a sigh of resignation, Sig looked up at the others.


"Sorry, but does anyone have an extra napkin I could use?" he spoke with a sheepish grin on his face. Sig had hoped he could remain inconspicuous, but the chocolate stain had to be dealt with. As he looked up at the others, he noticed the one who had spilled his cocoa looked very shaken.


"Don't worry about the spill! It should be pretty easy to clean," he added hoping to reassure him. It also looked like another person had joined the table for lunch. He seemed very intimidating and his uncouth manner as he ate his burgers suggested that this was not a person Sig would be comfortable socializing with.


Well...I sure brought a lot of people to this table. So, who are you all? I'm Dirt. W-well, not really, but...that's what they call me.

"Nice to meet you Dirt," Sig replied distracted as searched around the table for napkins, "I'm Sig."

[Dirtcopter77]

(( I tried to differentiate my perspectives, but I might have forgotten something. Also, beige isn't the best colour. Mind if I try red?))

[Beatnory]

Beat was sitting on the table which was covered in cocoa because of his mistake. He did it again; he let himself be distracted again.
he felt very uncomfortable but what could he do?


This reminds him of when he was little and went on holiday with his parents. they had rented a cottage in the Alps because his father liked bicycles.
when his father Won't woke up he always threw cocoa over him in the hope that he awoke. Of course his father wasn't very happy with it.
because it cost him a lot suits chocolate.


He turned back to the world and saw that there are more people at the table. [size=78%]He never expected that people would choose a table that is under the chokomelk.[/size]
[size=78%]One of them sad something '[/size][size=78%][/size]Well...I sure brought a lot of people to this table. So, who are you all? I'm Dirt. W-well, not really, but...that's what they call me.[size=78%][/font][/size][size=78%] [/size][size=78%]'.[/size]

"Nice to meet you Dirt, I'm sig"[/size]
[/size]
[/size]I sad something like "Hi, I'm the one of the cocoa... sorry for that.... My name is Beatnory, you can call me Beat like the most do. So from [/color]which class are you?"




I do not know if this is good. it may be too much self-centered.
I just try some thing out but If you don't like it, be honest please.


Also thank you for reading!

[[Sov]]

Not self centered. It's great Beat. The only thing I have to comment on is your sentence structure. It's slightly off because of where you put your breaks, but it's not too terribly bad.

Also, Sig, good job at reacting to the spill and trying to reassure Beat that it's okay. I'll wait for more people to post to reply myself.

Dirt, you can use whatever color you want.

Also, it's cool that you guys are recognizing that other people are speaking in your own posts but it's optional to reiterate what the others have already said in your own post.

[Dirtcopter77]

" No problem about the cocoa, not much landed on me. I just came from my art class, if that's what you mean. I'm sort of new here... so I don't know many people yet." Dirt put down his lunch and turned to Jacen. "And who are you?" He sat up in his chair a bit and looked around the cafeteria. "Anything you can tell me about the school?

[Colioli4]

Jacen heard one of the furries gathered at the table ask him how he was. Ask! Him! These people must be new here. Hadn't EVERYONE heard about Jacen, the biggest and proudest bully on the campus??? He gave the furry a look, and said "Yeah, watch people like me. An' don't be such a newbie. Everyone can see your new, so don't tell us what we already know!!! Its a waste of our time. Thank you VERY MUCH.' And he turned his attention to his food again "God..." he thought, I know who is first on my steal-their-money-and-watch-them-grovel-list..."

[[Sov]]

Jovi had been sitting quietly, even throughout the cocoa incident. Only getting up so it missed her backpack. She grabbed the tuft of napkins she had gathered for her own lunch and started to clean up the table. It wasn't until she heard the mysterious figure speak that her attention was drawn to him,"Bullies aren't welcome at my table," she said to Jacen. The black mare stood up and put her hands on her hips. "I won't stand for it."

My post is beginning a conflict scene, it could go in several different directions at this point. It depends on how Jacen responds to Jovi.

[Colioli4]

Blizzard recognizes the mare, (Joli? No, Jovi!) from earlier encounters. Surely, she wouldn't recognize him: bullies are all the same to those who despise them. But he certainly knew her. Hadn't she stood up for that Raccon last week? He had been so surprised, that he had let go of the scared furry. That wouldn't happen this time. "Your tabel? I don't see your name anywhere missy. Go be a peace dove somewhere else, alright? I wouldn't want to hit a girl: its bad for the reputation, ya know?" Blizzard told her coldly.

(Funny, I'm not the bullying type at all! But playing a bully IS funny . Its different )

[[Sov]]

I see the name change. That's fine for this. I'll wait to reply again after everyone else gets a chance to respond.

[Colioli4]

(Oh, sorry, my bad, I swapped two of my characters... well, thats what you can call a stupid mistake. Jace should, of course, not change immediately into another name. Sorry for the mistake folks. I'm only human :')

Please change every Blizzard into Jacen in your minds please when you read my post..... Sorry again...

[Otebon Albrecht]

To Colio:

Although switching characters mid-RP is a pretty bad thing, don't worry about it here. Just try to keep them straight as it can really throw some people off. Other than that, it's a great post. You have story, internal action, and set up a history. Good job.


Otebon's ears perked when he heard the phrase "I wouldn't want to hit a girl". That was something he would never be okay with...

Placing what remained of his burger down, Otebon stood and went to find a vantage point near the table where he could watch and observe without too much effort. He would be the Horse's backup if she needed it. He wouldn't jump in and announce his presence unless it became necessary, but he would be there if something happened.

[Colioli4]

(I know, I know... I made a pretty stupid mistake, I'll keep an eye on it in my next posts. I'll wait for the others to post before I continue myself with Jacen .)

[Sigcutio]

Sig noticed Jovi cleaning up the table with some napkins and grabbed some to clean off his jeans. So Beatnory was the one who had spilled the cocoa. He seemed eager to make up for his mistake and Sig couldn't blame him for his accident. Dirt didn't seem to think so either, but the person he had his suspicions of suddenly blurted disrespectful nonsense at Beat. Was this guy for real?


Sig felt like saying something, but the mare seemed to do it for him. She declared authoritatively that this person, Jacen, would not be allowed to sit here if he did not improve his attitude. Jacen, however, did not back down. This time he sputtered some offensive dribble and confirmed Sig's initial suspicions.


"You know it might be better for you to just move," he replied to Jacen, cautiously throwing himself into the growing tension.

[Dirtcopter77]

Dirt shifted in his seat. Why do I always have to attract trouble? he thought. With a sigh, he rubbed his nose and flicked the last crumbs of his steak bun onto the floor. "I'll just be going to the bathroom, okay?" He eased out of his seat and scurried into the hall. But he didn't go to the bathroom. He sat and listened. He wanted to know how this would turn out.