Nobody likes my "lifestyle choices".

[asterisk]

So no, I don't mean sexuality. Or drugs.

I mean that I don't have a job. On purpose. I applied for like 3 job around two months ago but in reality I ain't looking that hard. I live with my mom. I'm 24. I know all sorts of comments and whatnot could come flying about. But in reality, I have no problem with this.

However, I have a problem with people's reactions. As soon as they find out I'm a "basement-dweller" (though not in an actual basement), they stay far away from me. I don't mean just dates, I mean even on friendship terms. It's as if they think I'm contagious or something.

I'm not gonna force myself to work a miserable job that has me on the edge of mental breakdown, nor do I have the money (or motivation) for college.

The main problem I hear is that I'm mooching off of my mom. I'm not. She really doesn't seem to care. She'd otherwise be alone and has nobody around here. That and she can't drive anymore and doesn't have a working car so I drive her anywhere she needs to go, and help around the house. And then people say "What if something happens to her?". I'll handle it if it happens. That's not your business.

And no, I'm not on any welfare, never was.

I think people just look for excuses not to hang out with me or talk to me, honestly. I did work in the past. I can't keep a steady job. I've been in therapy and whatnot over 10 years for my mental illnesses but nothing really helps.

So would someone like this make you not even talk to or befriend them? Why? Do they make you insecure about yourself? Do you think they'll ruin your image or reputation by being associated with them? I never make a public scene or ask anyone for money or anything. I try to be a nice person.

[Albie]

People don't like when others have it better than them. Not working is better than working so naturally they would not like that. It is resentment really.

[Brigand]

Most adult people live with their parents because they're studying or are socially awkward, so it shouldn't be shocking that they see you as a weirdo. Personally I don't give a shit, if you're a cool guy to hang out with then you can live with your parents till doomsday.  I have no problem with that mate. Especially that it's your own choice and your mom doesn't mind.

I'm 26 and I live on my own since I was 18, I'd go nuts if I would live with my parents. Having a job means having money to spend on whatever you want. But you're damn right that it can drive you **censor** mental, especially when it's a physical work on three shifts. I don't know what else I can say. Good luck lad.

[REMOVED]

[Vael]

Most people work because they don't have the option not to.
Most people want to be independent from their parents and continue their education through their career.
Having a job teaches responsibility and self-discipline. If someone doesn't have a job, it might say something about their character. Also, a friend might feel obligated to always pick up the tabs if they know you're unemployed and need any money to take care if their family and medical expenses. Friendship is about equality, and if someone feels like you can't put in the same effort financially, they might be reluctant to get close to you.


It's an unfortunate reaction, but it is understandable. If you were actively trying, it may be different. But most employers can't refuse to hire someone solely based on their medical history unless it affects their ability to do it correctly or safely. I would try to find a low energy part-time position or look into temporary hire. Just to keep you busy and give you a little extra allowance.


But the way I see it, if your mom is benefiting from your presence, there's nothing wrong with living together.

[asterisk]

Most adult people live with their parents because they're studying or are socially awkward, so it shouldn't be shocking that they see you as a weirdo. Personally I don't give a shit, if you're a cool guy to hang out with then you can live with your parents till doomsday.  I have no problem with that mate. Especially that it's your own choice and your mom doesn't mind.

I'm 26 and I live on my own since I was 18, I'd go nuts if I would live with my parents. Having a job means having money to spend on whatever you want. But you're damn right that it can drive you **censor** mental, especially when it's a physical work on three shifts. I don't know what else I can say. Good luck lad.

Thank you for being the only accepting young independent person I've encountered thus far! (Well, as of recently). I keep getting yelled at by people who are like "I got kicked out at age 17 and worked 2 jobs and went to school!!" etc. and it's to the point I'm immune to their stories.

I don't think it's jealousy. Nobody is jealous of me. I'm ugly as hell, have no skills or talents, a horrible voice, I mean everything about me is bad.

My mom annoys me sometimes but not much. Besides, I can't bite the hand that feeds me.

As I said, I had jobs that did cause me to go insane. Which lead to hospitalization and... hospital bills (I'm American -_-). We're still paying off bills from last year. Working causes me more stress, and, due to my mental illness, causes me more money. It's not worth it.

Most people work because they don't have the option not to.
Most people want to be independent from their parents and continue their education through their career.
Having a job teaches responsibility and self-discipline. If someone doesn't have a job, it might say something about their character. Also, a friend might feel obligated to always pick up the tabs if they know you're unemployed and need any money to take care if their family and medical expenses. Friendship is about equality, and if someone feels like you can't put in the same effort financially, they might be reluctant to get close to you.


It's an unfortunate reaction, but it is understandable. If you were actively trying, it may be different. But most employers can't refuse to hire someone solely based on their medical history unless it affects their ability to do it correctly or safely. I would try to find a low energy part-time position or look into temporary hire. Just to keep you busy and give you a little extra allowance.


But the way I see it, if your mom is benefiting from your presence, there's nothing wrong with living together.

I always suggest we don't spend money when we hang out. And if we do, I admit I borrow from my mom, but only small amounts. I like things like going for walks and simple stuff. I'm simple to please. Having no spending money is kinda a bummer but we have internet which is a realm of entertainment and free stuff. xD

As I said above, working ruined me. Made me even more miserable and depressed. And nobody respected me for it- so I gained nothing except a few dollars. Without an education, I can't get a good job. The jobs I can get, I can't support myself with them anyway.

I just wish more people were open minded to me. I'm very lonely. I may have to start lying that I have a job.

[Ventus Fall]

I'd have to agree with most things said here. It's a combination of things.
And yes, people can get very jealous when you don't (have to) work, yet you can stay living under a roof, be it your own or your mother's

Most people move out because they have to or feel they have to. There can be one or multiple reasons why this is the case:
1) They (as Brigand said) would go insane staying with their parents.
2) They feel the urge to be independent, it's natural. A lot of animals leave the nest/home front when they reach a certain age.
3) They have to move out for school, study, work, etc.
4) In order to be able to survive they need income, in order to have income they need to work, which can sometimes lead to point 3 as well.

Since the economic crisis you do see a lot more people staying in with their parents or family members as it is not affordable to live independently, even if they really want to.
It's one thing if someone can't move out, it's another when they seem to actively want to not move out.

However, this all aside, you seem to live together with your mother quite harmoniously. I don't know if you ever spoke to her about your living situation. I know from a lot of people they either are or are not aware their parents want them to move out, but in either case haven't really had much of a discussion with their parents.
Either way, you two seem to have some form of agreement. You two seem to enjoy each other's company, you two also help each other. If your mother needs to go somewhere, you drive her.
Do you also do house chores, cook, clean, etc.?
If yes, awesome! If no, try to do so once every now and again. I'm sure she'd appreciate it. Especially since you're living freely in her place she's paying for. Which includes the house, electricity, water, gas and internet.
You mentioned internet, that everything's for free on there, but in order to get internet you still need to pay for it, which I'm sure your mother is doing too?
It's not critique, but if she does pass away and nothing has been sorted, you might be left with a large amount of debt (and loads of other unsorted things) and doing simple things like going on the internet might not be a possibility anymore.

I'm sure you'll deal with it if she's not around anymore. You'd have to. However, you not only have to deal with her passing (emotional, financially, setting up cremation/funeral, etc. etc.) you'd also have to sort out if you can still live where you are (if that is what you want) or if you can/want/have to live somewhere else. How you would now get enough money to pay for food, water, electricity, and of course internet.

I'm not saying you have to work or you have to start living by yourself. That's not at all what I'm suggesting.
What I'm saying, in short, is that I have no problem with you or how you live.
What I am suggesting is that you figure these things out now, before it's too late. How you're going to deal with these things when she passes away, because that will happen. And she won't be around to help you if you need it.
Find a way (on time) to be able to keep living the way that you are if you want to and that makes you happy/satisfied.

[Rocco Rex]

 everything about me is bad.

Come now, I doubt that. I was convinced of that but over time, I saw good things about myself. I have issues too (not as serious as you though) and I found that once I broke the illusion that I was worthless, I felt a bit better and was doing a bit better. But anyway...

If they don't like that you don't have a job or study, too bad for them. Just shows they aren't people who'd be real friends. I find it commendable that you don't take welfare. Have you tried working a part time job? At my first job (in the kitchen of a restaurant), there was a person who worked 10-15 hours a week. It'd be a shot at trying to slowly integrate, you'd get a little money, and you could honestly say you do have a job. And if you even think it's beginning to cause problems, just walk away. Or maybe part time college, even if just a single class. Another option is volunteering at a place you like (example, animal shelter).
It's your call, but I think one of those would be worth a shot. If you do get a par time job, you could put that money into investments and always have at least a little income.

So would someone like this make you not even talk to or befriend them? Why? Do they make you insecure about yourself? Do you think they'll ruin your image or reputation by being associated with them? I never make a public scene or ask anyone for money or anything. I try to be a nice person.

Of course not. I don't know the people you've tried to hang with, but if I had to take a guess, they'd think since you don't have a job, you wouldn't be able to do a lot of the stuff they'll want to do. You said you're as simple person, maybe they think you're boring.

[Captain Degenerate]

People don't like when others have it better than them. Not working is better than working so naturally they would not like that. It is resentment really.

"Resentment"


Riiiiiight.


I wouldn't date someone who has no drive either.

[Lord Isscarus]

You seem to be fine, your reasons seem logical and just because your grown and live with your mom does not degrade your personality, but others may think so.


Honestly I'm probably going to be ending up in your situation with how horrible adult life is going to be for me.in 4-5 years, but you shouldn't care, and if you do care, go to their house, if they try to kick you out, don't let them, try to talk to them and say that you aren't "contagious" in anyway and that you help your mom all the time and just don't want to go through the stress and mental strain of a job you've probably taken before.


Besides, real friends would still hang out with you even if they thought you were disgusting, people that don't hang out with people who they find "dirty" or "unacceptable" can piss off.


I'm a teen, 14, and even though I'm not an adult yet, I have the mentality and maturity of one, and I help my mother take out the trash, go grocery shopping with her, help her with any tasks she needs help with and so on, I'm pretty dirty tbh, I barely brush my teeth, I almost never clean up after myself (mainly because I don't mind the dirtiness) i throw all the dirty laundry on the floor and don't care about food stains.




And my friends know and they don't care, so why should I?  Get some good friends who will like you for who you are, not who you seem to be.

Post Merge: May 11, 2017, 06:02:46 AMBecause honestly, if I knew you irl, ID still hang out with you and help.you if you needed it, because you seem like a chill guy to me.


Hopefully this little inspirational speech helped, it's just what I think.

[asterisk]

I don't know if you ever spoke to her about your living situation. I know from a lot of people they either are or are not aware their parents want them to move out, but in either case haven't really had much of a discussion with their parents.
Either way, you two seem to have some form of agreement. You two seem to enjoy each other's company, you two also help each other. If your mother needs to go somewhere, you drive her.
Do you also do house chores, cook, clean, etc.?
If yes, awesome! If no, try to do so once every now and again. I'm sure she'd appreciate it. Especially since you're living freely in her place she's paying for. Which includes the house, electricity, water, gas and internet.
You mentioned internet, that everything's for free on there, but in order to get internet you still need to pay for it, which I'm sure your mother is doing too?
It's not critique, but if she does pass away and nothing has been sorted, you might be left with a large amount of debt (and loads of other unsorted things) and doing simple things like going on the internet might not be a possibility anymore.

I'm sure you'll deal with it if she's not around anymore. You'd have to. However, you not only have to deal with her passing (emotional, financially, setting up cremation/funeral, etc. etc.) you'd also have to sort out if you can still live where you are (if that is what you want) or if you can/want/have to live somewhere else. How you would now get enough money to pay for food, water, electricity, and of course internet.

When I had a stable job, I was even looking for places, and when I told my mom, she got upset and begged me not to.

She pays for internet because she uses it too. She had it before I moved in with her (I was with my dad before that).

Also she has life insurance so hopefully that would cover debt.

Have you tried working a part time job?

I've worked full time before. My first job, I had for an entire 2 years. No idea how I kept it that long. I was always doing things wrong. I think they kinda felt bad for me. I quit after 2 years because someone was harassing me and it got really bad. It was an awkward situation that nobody could solve easily. It's the only job I quit the right way and didn't get fired from. I had 2 other jobs but my mental health got so bad I couldn't function.

"Resentment"


Riiiiiight.


I wouldn't date someone who has no drive either.

I'm not talking about dating anyone. Tbh I'd look for a guy like myself to date, but I can't find any. The few I can find are just really below the physical attraction level I need.

Honestly I'm probably going to be ending up in your situation with how horrible adult life is going to be for me.in 4-5 years, but you shouldn't care, and if you do care, go to their house, if they try to kick you out, don't let them, try to talk to them and say that you aren't "contagious" in anyway and that you help your mom all the time and just don't want to go through the stress and mental strain of a job you've probably taken before.


Besides, real friends would still hang out with you even if they thought you were disgusting, people that don't hang out with people who they find "dirty" or "unacceptable" can piss off.


I'm a teen, 14, and even though I'm not an adult yet, I have the mentality and maturity of one, and I help my mother take out the trash, go grocery shopping with her, help her with any tasks she needs help with and so on, I'm pretty dirty tbh, I barely brush my teeth, I almost never clean up after myself (mainly because I don't mind the dirtiness) i throw all the dirty laundry on the floor and don't care about food stains.




And my friends know and they don't care, so why should I?  Get some good friends who will like you for who you are, not who you seem to be.


Because honestly, if I knew you irl, ID still hang out with you and help.you if you needed it, because you seem like a chill guy to me.


Hopefully this little inspirational speech helped, it's just what I think.

Please do your best not to end up like me. It's an awful scenario and there's no guarantee that your family will support you. I lucked out honestly but even then, maybe my mom will change her mind someday.

I can go back and list all the things I did wrong as a teen. It's kinda wrong for me to give advice that I myself cannot follow but really try to stay on top of things. If you need help, get it. There's resources, especially for teens. You go to school and have people you can ask.

My own personaly hygiene isn't 100% (though oddly I'm germaphobic about lots of things and get grossed out easily). But I regret letting it slip. The teeth thing, that can bring excruciating pain and disease in the long run. It's not even just about the appearence (although that's awful too if you let it go too long).

It just sucks to see a young person with that mindset already of ending up like me. I know there's really nothing I can do to prevent it from happening to anyone else but I really wish it wouldn't. I could not wish this onto anyone.

And no way could I hang out with a 14 year old IRL... how would that go? "Hey mom I'm having a 24 year old man over today!".

[Michen_S]

Well, if you can't work that's okay. Not everybody can, for whatever reason. If you're happy living your life with your mother, and you're helping each other out, that's fine if you're happy that way.

I think people have a problem with it because they don't understand it at all. Once something deviates from the norm they know and love, it gets seen as strange in the best case. And demonic in the worst. But usually somewhere in between. And it's easy to make fun of something that you don't understand and is seen as strange by society (or worse). So in reality, the people who give bad reactions are mostly people who don't know or understand the situation you and your mother are in. And a few of those people don't even want to understand.

[Lord Isscarus]

I said "probably" I'm going to try my best not to, it's just with all the responsibilities and everything you have to go through as in adult, I might go down your road. I don't have that mindset, I'm going to try my best before going down that Lane just so you know.


It's kinda aggravating me how you think that, sure I typed it in but I could change massively in the next 4-5 years, besides nobody can know your actual intentions because it's the internet, it's hard to tell if someone's lying especially if you cannot hear their voice.


It's just with how hard life already is its most likely not going to get better once I'm a freshman in high school, and with me doing awful in math (the jobs I find cool include needing to be good at math) and if you read the sentence in the parenthesis right there, it's not going to be good for me.

[Ventus Fall]

When I had a stable job, I was even looking for places, and when I told my mom, she got upset and begged me not to.

Ah, I have met at least one mother like that before and that didn't turn out well for her kids. Besides, I find it a bit limitnig of one's independancy and individuality. I can understand if some parents wouldn't want their kids moving out, but.. ehh... When I've seen that happen in real life and online to a few others as well... In the end it didn't go well for their children.

Once again, if this all works out for you and such, and you're happy where you are, then there's no problem

She pays for internet because she uses it too. She had it before I moved in with her (I was with my dad before that).

Also she has life insurance so hopefully that would cover debt.

Ah, ok, makes sense

As for the life insurance, be sure to look into it and other things to see if you can indeed keep living the way you are ^^

I said "probably" I'm going to try my best not to, it's just with all the responsibilities and everything you have to go through as in adult, I might go down your road. I don't have that mindset, (...)

I'm not sure if the same goes for asterik, but I want to point out as for comparison with myself here. It isn't a mindset t not work. Or a mindset to have things the way that they go.
Even while I have all the issues I have (all of which diagnosed: hypermobility, chronic pain, chronic exhaustion, and the list goes on) and with even having several specialists, doctors, etc. saying I'm unfit to be employed in my current situation (which will only get worse), I don't think "Oh I wanna stay home".
I'd rather not. I have no other choice. If only I did have the mindset stopping me from working, now that would be a 'blast', but I have to suffer pain every day, some days worse than others, some days I can't move without screaming because my joints decide to dislocate spontaneously.

I don't think you should be upset at what asterik wrote, I'll tell you why. I quite agree with him on that point. There is apparently 10 years difference between you two. What he has experienced is nearly twice the amount you experienced. He might be fine where he is (with some issues hes dealing with), but that doesn't mean it would be fine if he saw that happening with someone else, someone so young and full of possible potential.
I've already had quite the experience myself (I can safely say I'm an adult for a while now, but I don't think age matters so I'll leave it at that) and while for quite a few such a situation is inevitable, I don't think just a mindset should stop you from being independant and looking for a job.
The grass is not greener on the other side in this case.

I think (if I'm free to speak for asterik here as well) I can say that we both think that it would be best if you gave a shot at having a life, todo your best, to try to get a job or whatever to make sure you get some form of income so you can be where you want to be.
It's much easier to get what you want if you can get a (steady) income.

I said "probably" I'm going to try my best not to, (...)

So yes, try your best, it's all anyone can do

(As for you looking for jobs, I'm unsure what direction you plan on taking, but you can always follow extra courses in math and get extra tutoring, etc. for learning math to get better at it if you really want and need to.
Might be worth looking into.)

[Lord Isscarus]

Did I say that I had more experience than him? No, that would be ignorant and naive for me to ever say that somebody has less experience than me when it comes to having different lifestyle choices, especially when the person is already far older than I am.


And yes I know about other jobs, but I'm very fascinated with astronomy, all the wonders of extraterrestrial life and governmental superpowers that could be hidden in those extraterrestrial colonies, not to mention all the mysterious planets, where Voyager 1 has drifted off to in the past 70 years, space is amazing, but if I want to be an astronomer or astronaut, I have to be an expert at t math, it's what all of them say. I know im only 14 and have tons of time to keep searching, but honestly astronomy is the only thing that actually interests me, I'm also thinking about parasitology, but astronomy fascinated me more, that and I know much more about astronomy than parasitology, im just in a dead end right now and don't know what to do. But don't help me, you have better things to do than worrying about some stupid kid.

[Ventus Fall]

Did I say that I had more experience than him? No, that would be ignorant and naive for me to ever say that somebody has less experience than me when it comes to having different lifestyle choices, especially when the person is already far older than I am.

Did I say you did?
I think you might not have understood what I was trying to say. I wasn't talking you down, I was simply trying to state there is a difference, which many people underestimate.

And yes I know about other jobs, but I'm very fascinated with astronomy, all the wonders of extraterrestrial life and governmental superpowers that could be hidden in those extraterrestrial colonies, not to mention all the mysterious planets, where Voyager 1 has drifted off to in the past 70 years, space is amazing, but if I want to be an astronomer or astronaut, I have to be an expert at t math, it's what all of them say. I know im only 14 and have tons of time to keep searching, but honestly astronomy is the only thing that actually interests me, I'm also thinking about parasitology, but astronomy fascinated me more, that and I know much more about astronomy than parasitology, im just in a dead end right now and don't know what to do. But don't help me, you have better things to do than worrying about some stupid kid.

I didn't mention looking for 'other jobs'. I actually suggested you try to follow extra courses and classes on math.

(As for you looking for jobs, I'm unsure what direction you plan on taking, but you can always follow extra courses in math and get extra tutoring, etc. for learning math to get better at it if you really want and need to.
Might be worth looking into.)

I'm sure there are ways to get such a job with some work-arounds, there always is to a degree. Asttronomy isn't just about maths. I'm not sure how and what, but I found this link which may (or may not) be useful: http://www.physlink.com/education/askexperts/ae446.cfm
If you have any university in sight, or even if you don't, it might be worth a shot to figure out what is required. Have talks with the university dean (or whoever handles such questions). Best is to have a face-to-face meeting with some prepared questions.

If you still can't seem to get into astronomy, take parasitology or the next  best study (and future job) you find interessting. While you're working, you can still study on the side sometimes to see if you can get your dreamjob afterall.
Just because you don't "make it now" doesn't mean your choices are closed off forever, even if it may feel like so.

Anyways, that was what I had to say to elaborate my previous post. This is asterik's post to ask for advice, so I suggest we don't stray further off-topic