advice for social anxiety sufferers wanting to go to meets/cons?

[Calun the Bat]

I don't mean a little either. My social anxiety is bad enough that depending on the situation, i'll actually get physically ill reactions, not just the panic that's usually associated with the problem. I've been lucky in that I've been able to go to conventions when I have at least one trusted person there (usually my brother for anime cons - he hates furries, so I'm out of luck for fur cons or meets). I also noticed that I usually dress up in cosplays that are concealing of my body and face. I guess it's like a safety shell? I don't know.


Anyway, I've been wondering, because I'd love to go to a fur meet or con (I WILL be attending RMFC with the bestie, Nori, next time) but I was just curious if anyone knew any ways to help cope when you have a more extreme end of the SA problem.


Since it's not just a matter being shy or something, so it's not really something I can just "suck up" or "force myself to do it". Anyone else have a more severe end of SA, or any suggestions beyond what I've done for anime cons? It seems to help at anime cons, but I also need moderation because it gets overwhelming after a while. (I hit Anime Expo every year since 2006, which is a HUUUUUUGE con)


I feel this is acceptable for the Meets/Cons section, since it is directly about meets and cons, and would obviously help more than just myself if people start sharing ideas or discussing. If not, I apologize.

[Ventus Fall]

While I don't have (or don't think I have ) social anxiety, it does take a lot of effort for me to go out to busy places. It's not that I'm scared of people, or at least that's not the main reason anymore. It's because I get an overload of stimulation. So many people, movements, noises, lights, smells, etc. It's also really hard to focus on talking to just one person most of the time.
So what have I done to learn to deal with this? Maybe it might help you. I don't know, but maybe.

First off, of course, going to these places needs to happen or else one cannot confront the problems, so I find it very amazing of you that you want to get help with this.
You mentioned you went with your brother to anime conventions, probably indeed as a safety precaution. It helps you be a bit more relaxt, no?
Ehh, second thing... I'll try to summarise these pointers and maybe elaborate on them afterwards.

-Remind yourself you're not the only one there who has this issue. Probably most people there are extremely anxious, all in various degrees of it too.
-It's a challenge you want to face and pass. Just being there should show you how brave you are. Even if things go bad (be it a lot or just a little bit) just remember you're actually there. You have conquered one of your largest fears -if not the largest- simply by being there.
-When you start to notice even the tiniest of hints you have that it's being overwhelming (mentally, physically, etc.) find a calm place. Even busy cons have calm places. Maybe go outside, or if you have a room go into you room. Take a couple of minutes, or an hour. However long you need to relax.
-Plan your day what you want to do. Think of events, panels, workshops. Get a conbook on time and check it out ,mark what you absolutely want to see. When you plan things, you have some control over your own life a bit, and might help you focus on that rather than being anxious.
-If you want to talk to/with people, don't stress about what to say. Talk about what's going on at the convention, talk about the events, etc. There are many subjects you can address at a convention. If it's a furry con, talk about what their fursona is, how they got into the fandom. These might be a bit 'standard' questions, but it usually gets a conversation started. And if it doesn't work out? Politely excuse yourself, say you want to attend a panel (if there happens to be one soon) or you need some air, maybe say something like "Was fun talking to you, hope to see you around!". Often such small gestures don't take much time and show people you're a kind person and maybe even someone they'd like to talk to again. (Thus also hopefully also helping your anxiety in some way.)

And since you'd be going with someone else (Nori ), I assume they would be fine if you two hung out with each other too. If you need help, I would suggest talking with whoever is closest to you.

Hope this helps!

[Calun the Bat]

Wowie, well I can't really easily reply to all of that, but thank you for your thoughts. A lot of those sound like good and reasonable ideas.


I also haven't stayed at a hotel for a con in years and years, so RMFC will be good because we'll have a room to go to. So that suggestion is going to be doable too. It's still pretty daunting, especially being so far away from home at the moment.


I also know that it's essentially no different from other cons, but being a different kind of con also has me a little nervous, admittedly. ><


But yeah, that sounds like a good rundown for advice and ideas on how to handle everything. I know I'll still be bringing my medicine just in case, but hopefully between Nori and our room, it'll be a manageable and chilled out con. Nori'll just have to be my lifeline while we're on the con floor. ;-;

[Ventus Fall]

No problem I thought it might help one way or another. And if it didn't, then at least you would know you're not the only one out there *offers a hug*

And I understand the whole daunting feeling, even if you have a room. Just try to keep in mind it's your room, you can set boundaries so it's more of some peace and quiet in your life while being at the con ;D

It might be a different type of con, but in my experience furry cons have been much friendlier (and mroe awesome in general) than anime cons. At least in my experience.
And hey! Another thing! If you're having diffculty finding things or aren't feeling well, notify staff. Most cons I've been to ask when you register if there are any medical issues or problems you might have, so if anything happens, they have some information on you so they can provide help.
But even if you wouldn't have done that, you can still talk to the staff at the con if things aren't going right. And if you happen to come across a grumpy staff, find another one! Sometimes staff at cons can have baddays too or are just busy and need to sort things out.

Bringing any medicine you might need is always a good fallback
And I hope you two will do great x3  Maybe you can let us know when you've returned from the convention, how it was, and if all went well or not? ^-^

[Calun the Bat]

*gladly takes the hug*


Thanks again. And yeah, that's also true. I usually don't want to bother staff or anything, so that's also something I should try to keep in mind. I think it'll be fine, especially with a room and someone there too.


Nori and I are actually going to go on a desert camping trip for my birthday in May, too. The con is next RMFC, so that's out in August. Maybe I'll take the time to kind of try and prepare and make myself as comfortable as I can? We keep joking that we'll be clinging to the other one more at the con, so I think we'll at least not have to worry about being without the other. 


Nori's going to do a dance competition again. She suggested I do it since it's fun, so I have a song, but I'm even more nervous about that. So I'm not even sure I'll do it. I think if I'm suiting, it'll be okay. I actually did theatre and band in school, and really didn't have any problems on stage. And I think it was because there was a set schedule, and I was hidden in the collective effort. So even if I was standing out for my part or solo, I was still just a part of the whole.


A lot of times in just normal life, I end up feeling singled out and alone in the middle of a lot of strangers and judgmental people. So getting to 'be someone else' or just blending into a group kind of 'hides' me and helps. Even if it's only for a little bit. That's where I think the schedule made me comfortable too.


I remember in your first post you made mention of planning and keeping track of things and times and such. I think that's a good idea, and I'll probably stick to that like glue too. And also like you said about the room being safe, we're planning on having a couple DVDs (Silverwing, hopefully Wolf's Rain, and a couple others) that would still be fur/anthro appropriate. So I suppose if one or both of us needed to go destress, we can retreat to the room and still have it feel like it's relevant to the con.


Thanks again for replying, it's helping to talk it out and get ideas out, even if I'm just repeating you, or realizing things because of the help.

[Nori]

*snugs*
If you want me to ask or talk to any of the staff, I'll gladly do it for you, you know that
And from the dance comp last year, it was crazy. I was super nervous, shaky, feeling light headed, all that, then it just dissapeared when I put my head on and went out there. I'm the opposite of you, I'm fine with people on the same level, but on stage I shake so much
The suit will help a lot, trust me. Heck, it helped me at my first meetup, and now it's not as bad. I do need to step aside for air, but it has helped me a bit, even more than cosplaying.
And we'll both have our con guides printed out, highlighted, and be armed with clocks. And the new hotel is much more compact, so moving to and from will be much easier

[Pyraff]

I'm not going to spend the time rehashing a lot of the advice you've already gotten, as it's pretty solid.

I noticed you mentioned suiting, though. Are you planning on suiting at the con? As odd as it may sound, I find suiting helps (my personal) anxiety -a lot.- I used to do anime cons for years, and as the con grew I would get more and more uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people there. But there were two years where I went in full fursuit, and- maybe it's just the feeling of having that "extra layer" between myself and the crowds?- it made me feel way more relaxed. (Bonus- "cooldown" times give you plenty of opportunity to walk away and take a breather, hehe!)

I hope it goes over well for you! Feel free to drop a line if you'd like to talk.  *hugs*

[Calun the Bat]

*snuuugss* You could, but I don't think it's a big deal. Just need to work out how to manage my/our own schedule and stuff. Especially since playing it by ear can also help. (since we've all basically talked about having a schedule, but taking breaks and stuff if needed). As for the dance, we'll see. >< I still maaaay sit it out, since it's my first one and first time suiting. But we'll see. I like my song choice a lot.


You're gonna be (as always) my lifeline, Nori.  ;_;

*snugs*
If you want me to ask or talk to any of the staff, I'll gladly do it for you, you know that
And from the dance comp last year, it was crazy. I was super nervous, shaky, feeling light headed, all that, then it just dissapeared when I put my head on and went out there. I'm the opposite of you, I'm fine with people on the same level, but on stage I shake so much
The suit will help a lot, trust me. Heck, it helped me at my first meetup, and now it's not as bad. I do need to step aside for air, but it has helped me a bit, even more than cosplaying.
And we'll both have our con guides printed out, highlighted, and be armed with clocks. And the new hotel is much more compact, so moving to and from will be much easier

Post Merge: February 11, 2017, 02:48:31 AM
Yeah, that's what I keep hearing, too. It makes sense. With my experience at Anime cons (in particular Anime Expo which is BIG), my best and most comfortable experiences have been with my costumes that are concealing, and have helmets/mask kind of design for the getups. I know it's really gonna be mostly the same/similar, but I also know that it'll be different enough.


I'm going to do my best, and have Nori as my lifeline. :O  Thanks!

I'm not going to spend the time rehashing a lot of the advice you've already gotten, as it's pretty solid.

I noticed you mentioned suiting, though. Are you planning on suiting at the con? As odd as it may sound, I find suiting helps (my personal) anxiety -a lot.- I used to do anime cons for years, and as the con grew I would get more and more uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people there. But there were two years where I went in full fursuit, and- maybe it's just the feeling of having that "extra layer" between myself and the crowds?- it made me feel way more relaxed. (Bonus- "cooldown" times give you plenty of opportunity to walk away and take a breather, hehe!)

I hope it goes over well for you! Feel free to drop a line if you'd like to talk.  *hugs*