Furry Fandom and Forums: Connections, friends and other relationships.

[Ventus Fall]

Hello everyone
This is something I have seen and -of course- experienced/experiencing myself (duh, considering I'm on these forums ).
Having friendships, partners, etc. online, on the furry forums and in this fandom.

I want to have a civilised discussion here about these topics, maybe even something we can learn from or adapt ourselves to. It speaks for itself, but I'd like to stress: No guilt-tripping, starting flame-wares, bashing others, etc., etc.

I'll try to get started here.

I've come across quite a couple of people who state (in real life and in articles, on websites, etc.) that online relationships don't work out. It's as if only online relationships don't work out because of the distance, lack of physical connection/interactivity, etc.
Now I want to point out a few points here.

First off, communication is key. While I agree online (and distant) relationships have a possible extra strain on the relationship, it helps to have communication with one another.
For some such relationships aren't meant to be, and that's totally fine. As long as you know you're that type of person and don't keep getting into online relationships. Don't blame online-relationships for it not working out if you're not that type of person to begin with.
Secondly, with regards to distant relationships: it's not all uncommon (especially in the day and age prior to the internet) that partners, friends, etc. would already have had difficulty communicating with one another, when there would be a huge distance between them. Say someone works for a bulk carrier: They're away months and months. Those ships aren't exactly fast, and the whole transportation, delivery, and whatnot all needs to happen as well. Yet in the thick of it, people would still stay friends, partners, etc.
Now why is that?
The main point of this argument? They each know what they're up against (at least have an overall idea or view). There is some form of clear communication, or another type of connection where this would be ok.
I'm not saying all these relationships worked out, not at all. Be it

Another point I'd want to bring up is that I also hear, being in the furry fandom, that people often blame the fandom for relationships not working out. Or that non-furries can't be together with real furries, etc.
I've seen various relationships work out. The whole 'myth' Opposites-Attract? Yeah, stop believing that, because it really doesn't work. You need to have common ground with your partner. Things you both enjoy doing, that's how relationships, bonds with others, come to be: You have common interests and/or goals.
It makes sense relationships between furries and non-furries won't work out if people are so invested in the fandom, while the other has no interest for it at all.
There is also a lot of drama in the fandom. This seems to either break-up relationships, gets people together who don't want to be together or prevent relationships between people from happening at all.
This is NO DIFFERENT than real life in other situations people no-doubtingly have. Yet because the furry fandom might be so important in their lives, it's quickly deemed to get bashing for these issues.

The main point I'm trying to get across: It's not the internet not making it work or the fandom, or these forums. It's people.
For living in the time that we are (social media and other such nonsense), we're pretty sh*tty at communicating to others, especially to those we care about. And it's possibly just getting worse too.


Anyways, I'm sure I had more to say, but I'll keep it to this
How has the furry fandom/forums influenced your friendships? You being in a relationship, etc.?

[anoni]

As someone who has been in both online and RL relationships I can say that RL relationships are better but online relationships are easier.


  The basic idea is that online, distance isn't a factor. You have so much more variety in your potential partners that you can get with the person who truly is the best for you, this isn't necessarily the case for RL relationships where you are limited to those around your area. Online relationships are also easier to start, you don't need to be in person, you can simply type them, talk to them at any time and just have any level of involvement you choose. This means that online relationships can be deeply meaningful and very heartfelt much quicker than an RL relationship.


  But honestly, there's nothing quite like being in your partners arms, and spending the entire day with them, sleeping next to them and just enjoying their company in real life. It just can't compare to video chats and RPs and what-not. RL relationships are going to be more shakey though, your partner will be there even if you don't want him to be there, there may be fights and you may not choose your words wisely enough, so there's a lot that could go wrong. But when things go write and you have your head in your partners lap watching a movie or something, that level of intimacy and contact, IMO, can't be beat.


  I would go for an RL relationship over an online relationship any day, the problem is that RL relationships are harder to get and it's harder to find someone who actually interests you in a romantic way.

[Ræfóa Aldrnari]

I haven't really had the best experiences with online relationships. The only ones I've ever had was two on this forum, although I only consider one of them a real relationship. And yeah, in the beginning, it felt awesome! I loved her more than anything, and it was the same on her end. We wrote everyday, and talked quite often too. Though, because of the time distance, I often wrote during school time, and in lessons.
All seemed to go well (even though the distance and time difference was killing me everyday), until one day, I snapped. I just felt like I didn't love her. I ignored the feeling, and eventually, my love returned. A week goes by, and the feeling returns again, though this time, it was 10 times stronger. I knew I had to do it, so I broke up with her. Now, that experience made me wish I had never come together with her in the first place. Or not. I really don't know. It's almost been a year now, and I'm still thinking about it, and it is still affecting me. It did so that I never wanted to be in a relationship again. Really, I see nothing good in it. Sure, other people can do it just fine, but for myself, I just see no possible good outcome. I still think back to my ex. I still wonder if it was a mistake breaking up or not. I just want to go back. I miss everything about back then.
And sure, people tell me "Oh, you're just a kid", and "You have your whole life in front of you", and yes: I am just a kid. Well, teenager to be exact, but that's the same, isn't it? I just don't feel like there could be anyone else out there for me, that was as perfect as she was. And even if there are, I will always have semi feelings for my ex, and I know that it'll cause way too much trouble. That got me to the conclusion, that I don't see anything good in relationships. I do it for the best, both for myself and for the people around me.

[kiindling]

Ha, the amount of times that people on the internet try to proclaim their love to me (on other furry websites, that is  ) As a 15 year old, I can say that I've never really been in a online relationship. Friends, sure, but no more than that. But from what I have seen, it does appear to be much easier. But it just doesn't appeal to me at all. But I have no objection to it in the slightest, so that's all cool.


In real life, I don't often tend to tell people I'm a furry. It's not because I'm ashamed of it or anything, I just don't find the need to tell. Where I live, only teenagers who roam the internet have ever heard of furries, and even then, most of them don't mind. I even managed to get someone into the fandom not long ago, but that's a different story 


But for those who do know, they don't care. I have had no problems with making friends, and have never been drawn apart from anyone because of it.


I don't have anything else I really need to say, haha


Bye now

[Halei-Helai]

There is nothing that really prevents furries getting into relationships with non-furries, per se. My own relationship is evidence of that; my partner isn't a furry but it doesn't really matter much to her that I am. Being a furry is just one of countless potential disqualifiers that any relationship could be struck by; maybe he or she isn't into trekkies, or bodybuilders, or cat/dog owners, or some other x, y, or z. I think, as with anything else, if a person being a furry dominates the rest of their life, that is when a relationship with a non-furry probably won't work out so well.

And I echo Anoni's words on relationships pretty strongly. The only thing I would add with online relationships is that illusion is inherent in that medium. I don't mean to say that everybody in an online relationship is outright lying about themselves online (though instances of that certainly occur). I mean it in the sense that typed words, digital pictures, and skype chats do not really convey the true person sitting in front of the keyboard, regardless of the intentions of the partners involved. An offline relationship conveys a high degree of nuance and truth about a person that is not possible over the internet. It is possible in some cases that you might be falling in love with the simulacrum of a person rather than the person themself. Still, there are many instances where online relationships turn into strong offline relationships.

But hey, if it works out for you and whoever else is in a relationship with you online, who am I to get in the way of things?

[Medroesh]

I have had a very successful relationship over the internet. It lasted about 4 years, with a week or so of visiting every other month. The only reason it ended was because I gave her permision to experiment sexually with a mutual friend of ours who was a swinger. As she grew more comfertable with her sexuality, she figured out she is a lesbian. We broke up on good terms and are still good friends. ^.^


I think it really does depend on how much effort the people in the relationships are willing to put into it, combined with the individuals knowing themselves. I know I need a physical connection to some extent, so long distance relatiomships wont work without occasional visitation. However, I have several friendships that have lasted several years and yet was wholly over the internet.