Parenting and Punishment

[Dubaku]

So, coming up as a kid, I was bad. Hell, my parents said I'd end up in jail by the time I was grown. But, thankfully, I've never been to jail. But one of the things that set me straight was whoopins. The belt: simple to use and effective for bringing down the wrath of the Godsw on your child's backside. See, I was afraid of my parents, but not the cops. Why, you may ask? Well, let's create a situation, say I stole a pair of headphones, worst case scenario with cops is I'll get shot-because, let's be honest, it's all they were trained to do when dealing with minority suspects- or I'll go to jail. But, if my Dad found out, best case scenario is he whoops my ass so bad that just when my soul leaves my lifeless corpse, he'd wrangle it with his belt and slam it back into my body so he can continue said whoopin. Regardless I haven't done anything super illegal, and I have my parents to thank for that. So, how would/do you punish your children? How did your parents punish you? How effective do you think modern millennial parenting is? Personally I think SJWs are gonna make the worst parents of this generation.

[George]

I was interested in seeing another perspective on parenting until--

worst case scenario with cops is I'll get shot-because, let's be honest, it's all they were trained to do when dealing with minority suspects-

--that, which lost a lot of credibility.


But anyway, I was raised with almost no discipline at all, and the biggest effect it's had on me is making me really stubborn. I consider that a positive impact, as it makes it a hell of a lot easier to get things done when I want to. (the downside being it makes me bend the system so much that living a normal life is likely impossible)

The lesson I take from this is that parenting is more about what you teach than how.

[Armalite_]

My parents used make me sit in the darkest part of my basement when I was super young and acting up. I hated it down there. My dad is German and my mom is Chinese so she used to throw her birkenstock slippers and scream at me when I was older. They hurt a lot and they always landed on my head even when I ran or tried turning corners. My dad would just smack the upside of my head when I made him angry - common European thing.

As I became a young adult they eased off a lot. They let me make my own mistakes now and shrugged them off saying "you should have listened." Some of my bad habits they could never stop me from doing no matter how many slippers were thrown. They say I'm old enough to learn the hard way. They support me if they think it's a good choice or say I'm on my own if they think it's a bad one. I learned a lot from my parents and I like to think I turned out ok lol

I'm not even thinking about having kids anytime soon so I have no idea how to parent. I would have to ask my parents what to do lol

Whats an SJW?

[DestinyUnleashed]

My dad made me do more chores but my mom spanked me and locked me in my room.
My aunt was the one who beat me, and my uncle... I don't even want to think about that. Ever. But what he did wasn't a punishment, it was madness.



Honestly I don't think it's child abuse or whatever people call it... if you don't give your kids discipline they'll never learn. I'd never beat my child with a belt but I would spank them if I thought they deserved it.

[SadDubwool]

Honestly, I was never beaten as a child, I know right from wrong and that wrong stuff will get me hurt, (academically, physically, mentally ect.) I honestly have A grey area opinion on this matter, Spanking and stuff like that Isnt child abuse, but alternative parenting styles work (sometimes) and it all truly counts on if the parent wants to enforce something that way, if you dont like spanking dont do it, if you think it works, then do it

[Farewell]

My parents would spank me or was sent me to my room as a child. I usually bullied my siblings, broke things, threw my little meanie fits when I didn't get my way.
Today I'm (rarely) grounded. No Electronics, going outside, can't partake in family things (going out to eat, watching a movie, ect.)
Which may happen this summer. (unless I win the argument.)

[Rob_Silvermyst]

Growing up, my mother was supportive and stern when needed. My stepfather...complete and utter_____. Every other word out of his mouth was 'You're useless. You're worthless. You'll never mount to nothing.' That, on top of being bullied at school and made to help him work on his apartments, I jumped at the chance to go into the military just to get away from my stepfather and do something with my life.

If I ever become a father, which is one of my life goals, I want to encourage my son and/or daughter. I want to be more like my mother was to me: fair. Punishments meant to not only fit the crime, but also to make them understand WHY what they did was wrong, and what they need to do to make up for it. I want to be the father to someone else that I never had, and not be the one I have and never wanted.

[Ventus Fall]

Reading about how some people received certain punishments, some even similar to or aligned to (near-) abuse, I didn't have that type of strict parenting.
I got spanked once in my whole life. It was a decision that was regretted immediately after.
I was raised by stern rules, both my parents made sure to both decide on the matter. However, one of them did have more 'authority' in a way than the other, as one was more home and took more care of me. If I would be difficult? If I wanted, really wanted to do something and it wasn't allowed?
I got told off and was explained why I shouldn't do it.
I was explained the differences and similarities between situations, and that made me understand not to do it (again or at all). I was encouraged to do things. By myself and with my parents.


Oh, and one time I was messing around, which I barely ever do or did, and I didn't want to go with them. "Fine, then we'll go without you." And they would. Of course, I found out way later they wouldn't keep their eye off of me, but I didn't know at the time. At the time I surely didn't want to be left alone I thought they were going to actually go through with their threat and they did x3


Got good grades in school, always wanted to strive to be a good person, I feel physical punishment is most unnecessary in most situations and can actually traumatise a child. I still to this day -even if I was spanked once- can't even recall why I was punished and feel some injustice was done.


This is just my personal experience though and it is interested to read other experiences as well.

[Jane]

I've never had very many punishments as a kid unless it was the usual beatings for talking back and what have you. It wasnt until i got older punishments were more mental and verbal basically turning me jaded. Now that im practically on my own i dont suffer any punishments

[Cheza]

Mom, being the stressed-out and tired single mother of three unruly kids who according to her did nothing but "fighting all the time" that she was, was a pretty big fan of physical punishments. Particularly face-slaps and spankings, but on occasion she'd come up with other things.


For example, one (fortunately) unusual punishment consisted of being forced to take off all clothes and being thrown outside.
Considering that we lived in a rowhouse-area and had at least ~10 people living really close by it's amazing she only got "caught" doing that once.


Sometimes, she'd also just get up and leave the house for hours as part of a punishment.


The most extreme punishment I remember was once when I had gone to bed and was about to fall asleep, and she randomly started to throw stuff at me and hitting me with a broom. To this day I still can't figure out what I did wrong to deserve that, and randomly going up to her and asking "Ohai mom, remember that one time you got really pissed off at me for seemingly no reason at all some 10-15 years ago? Mind explaining what that was all about?" doesn't really sound too appealing either.
That particular time she most definitely went too far, and I still have trouble sleeping while facing a wall thanks to it.


I guess she mostly resorted to these kinds of punishments because it's faster and easier to get three "hopeless" kids to heel by raging and screaming like a rabid bear than it is to try and get them to stop in any other way. Fear is a powerful tool, and I -was- afraid of my mom as a kid. I still kinda am.
I believe most of the things could have been solved in less-violent ways if she'd only have had the patience for it, and that she in some cases dealt those punishments far too late for it to be possible to make a clear connection to -why- I was getting punished.
But given that mom is mom and that she's got 9001 issues of her own, I should probably just be happy that that random broom-beating only happened once.


Did it teach me to behave? In some ways I guess, seeing as I grew up to be a normal-enough and mostly law-abiding citizen, but it's also made me pretty insecure and afraid of trying/failing things and standing up against people. Which probably is a good and a bad thing.
Do I think all kinds of physical punishment should be illegal? Not necessarily. While I think it's wrong of parents to just use it as a "quick fix" because they're too lazy to try any other approaches, I also guess that it -can- work for as long as it's restricted to just spanking ad otherwise "done right" (that just sounds wrong, but oh well).
In my book, it could be allowed, but not encouraged.

[Ori]

Despite my mother always being angry about it...
My dad used to make me write a thousand times each of something that I did 'wrong'. Such as 'I will watch my attitude when speaking to my father' x1000 in writing. (Restrains a rant about how I didn't deserve it.)
Sometimes that took me like 7 hours ;-; on a weekend... But I look at the bright side, now I know how to write with two-three pens in one hand, and I write seriously fast.

[Armalite_]

I have a ridiculously strict tiger mom, and my dad can be a dick sometimes. Most of the time.
I guess I love them? I'm tolerant of them, more or less.
I think my mom has only hugged me twice. Once when I left for the military, and when I came back.
My dad hates being touched unless he initiates it first. But he hugged me when I came back.


But as far as punishments, the worst thing that has ever happened is having a lamp thrown at me when I came out to my parents.
Usually I have to sit on my knees in front of my parents, bow to them and them let them throw me to the ground. Then we never talk about it.


To me it's a cultural thing, different families of different backgrounds have different methods of punishment. Seppaku is an extreme example, but something some people still practice nonetheless. To dishonor your family is the greatest shame you can bring onto yourself and your household. My parents are hapkido masters so discipline is enforced even more. I guess some people would call it abuse but I believe they have a legitimate reason to be angry.


My mom is terrifying but she raised a tough daughter, my dad is a jerk but he's truly compassionate. Just because parents raise their kids a different, non-progressive way from you doesn't mean they're bad parents.

O_0

Daaaaaaamn Sapphrin's parents dont play games.

[Sianni]

I never got into much trouble, in fact I was the one who broke up my sisters when they fought.


My step mom didn't do much to punish us, she usually just sent us to our rooms or refused to make us dinner. My dad just spanked us or grounded us.


I don't have a lot of experience with punishment, but I suppose it really isn't abuse if you spank your kid. Yes, you're hurting them, but spanking doesn't make you fear your parents. Spanking should discourage you from making poor choices, not emotionally scar you.

[Trixsie Vixen]

Speaking as a parent, I love both my cubs dearly, but wow... I've never wanted to smack someone in the face as my boy!  It's a constant lesson in restraint.  He is not swayed by reason, bribes or punishments.  He will take a week long computer ban on the chin and then the day after he gets it back do the very some thing!


Yet he's a bright, thoughtful, talent kid much of the time. *sigh*


I think different kids need different approaches.  The closest thing I have found to being effective the the long, boring lecture.  I KNOW he's not really taking the reasoning on board, but it's so boring that the threat of another one has some weight.


I have developed a new "pseudo-punishment" for generally silliness after multiple requests to knock it off:


The banana of justice!


Basically I throw an old banana at him


It doesn't always hit and doesn't hurt or anything.  It just makes him laugh at the foolishness of it, but then afterwards he does want I wanted.


I don't understand, but it's a good use for that left over banana...

[Ræfóa Aldrnari]

Whenever I do something I shouldn't do, my parents just give me a scolding. A lot of times, they've just went the route that goes "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed". If I break something, they don't get mad at all, which makes me more comforatble, and not that scared if I break anything, and it makes me think about it myself more too. They just been like "Yeah, well, that happens", because I didn't do it on purpose. If I break something like my phone by subtly juggling with it in my hand, they're just like "Yeah, that was a stupid idea, wasn't it?", and then make me pay for a new one myself. All of these things makes me think more about the consequences of my actions, and it doesn't make me scared of admitting the "bad" (I put quotation marks, since I never really do anything illegal. SOmetimes, I can just do minor things that they don't want me to) things I do. I think I'll raise my kids the same way, since I feel like my parents did a really good job of raising me and my brother in this way.