Author Topic: Clingy friends?  (Read 736 times)

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Offline Keinai

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Clingy friends?
« on: October 18, 2015, 07:59:40 AM »
I have a two friends who won't leave me alone.


This is my third year marching and I've for three years dealt with her. She started talking to me the first day of band camp my first year and she's stuck to me, even though I only had a brief but polite conversation with her maybe three or four times.


She always wants me to sit next to her on the bus, because she has no one else to sit with (she refuses to make friends for some reason, though she is completely capable of functioning in society like any other human being). Normally I wouldn't mind but she complains almost the entire ride and I do my best not telling her to be quiet. She also hangs around my friends but rarely talks to them and doesn't try to make conversation except to say 'it's hot', 'it's cold' or 'I'm thirsty'. Complaining is one of my biggest pet peeves, especially since most complainers don't do anything to make their situation better. It drains me emotionally to hang out with her since I have to listen to her crap. She always wants me to come with her to get a drink of water or to the bathroom even when I'm clearly busy shining my mellophone or helping the freshies with something. She's constantly hugging me or jumping on my back (she's fairly petite) or leaning her head on my shoulder. And I only like physical contact if I'm your extremely close friend or if I just need a hug.

Her dad forces her to be in marching band, and she hates it, so she doesn't even try to stay in step, roll her feet, practice the music, or keep her flute up (it's a **censor** FLUTE, I can keep my seven-pound melly up perfectly) and it's annoying; one person can bring an entire group down in a competition if they don't do their best like the rest of us.


I don't want to be rude and tell her to just leave me alone but she's not getting the hints I'm dropping. She whines if I want to sit next to my other friends and I'm tired of making lame excuses. She's sensitive and we're a small band so it makes things extremely awkward if there's drama or tension, you can't just move away.


I just have to keep going for two more years, but it's getting hard, since she just broke up with her boyfriend. I need to figure out a way to tell her I need my space, without coming off as 'you're annoying and clingy'. But it hurts me when I see someone just sitting alone because I used to be that person. Even though I'm shy, I still try to include everyone who I can, especially newbies who are still in middle school since it sucks and there's a lot of social pressure and it doesn't get better until college.



The second friend is someone I've known since seventh grade.

She used to be really cool and nice, but she's tried to embrace kind of a mix between hipster and emo. She listens to BVB and Pierce The Veil but acts like everything retro is so awesome and that all new music sucks because it's about sex or drugs or money, which isn't true and not all songs that are about those things are bad. Singing about a certain topic is just that artist's way of expressing their experiences/opinions on it.

She writes disturbing fanfiction about my friends doing... wrong things and posts it in Skype and she makes us review it.

She acts like she's 'insane' and for some reason she can't stand any of my guyfriends, she always tells them to **censor** off when they rarely speak to her or she's not even a part of the conversation. She just butts in.

She's also friends with one of the biggest bullies I had in eighth grade.

I don't know how to deal with them... I really don't like girls my age.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2015, 08:28:59 AM by FaolinWolf »
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Offline Traum

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Re: Clingy friends?
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2015, 10:42:00 AM »
Yea I'd love to hear a solution for this too. My sister is in pretty much the same situation. I suggested her to to show no interest in these overly attached people, but still be polite. It's sorta working, but I believe there are more efficient methods.

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Re: Clingy friends?
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2015, 10:56:57 AM »
For the 1st girl:
Couldn't you report her to the band leader (idk what you call it  :P) for being out of line? I mean I know she doesn't want to be there, but ruining it for everyone else is kind of a d*ck move. You could always tell her to piss off, but you said you kind of feel sorry for her. Maybe you two should sit down and talk about. Maybe you can figure out what's wrong with her or something. You never know what people are going through.

2nd girl:
Okay maybe you should actually tell her to piss off. I mean, fanfiction of your friends? Hanging out with biggest bully (you had)? Telling your guyfriends to f**k off?  I wouldn't want any part of her tbh. You really need to drop her. She sounds like she's gone off the deep end and is a bad influence.

Not sure if this helps, but I felt like it might.
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Offline Yena the Wolf

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Re: Clingy friends?
« Reply #3 on: October 18, 2015, 03:01:10 PM »
Guuuuurl, you need to drop her like she's hot eventually... and I have that similar problem. If you want me to say what the problem is, gladly, but it isn't about me, so... Back to you, FaolinWolf!
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I come on this forum when I want. It's my forum profile. Nobody on here will stop me from venting, asking questions, etc.  And if y'all are gonna be jerks just because I'm trying to get my point across, leave me alone! Think before you type! Think on the other side of the conversation! How would you feel if you were getting yelled at because you are first world venting about your life, huh? I know y'all are trying to help, but- OH LAWDIE THAT'S A LOT OF WORDS.

Offline Keinai

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Re: Clingy friends?
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2015, 03:26:01 PM »
Quote
Couldn't you report her to the band leader (idk what you call it  ) for being out of line? I mean I know she doesn't want to be there, but ruining it for everyone else is kind of a d*ck move. You could always tell her to piss off, but you said you kind of feel sorry for her. Maybe you two should sit down and talk about. Maybe you can figure out what's wrong with her or something. You never know what people are going through.


No, that's the flute section leader's job, not someone in the medium brass section. As much as I would like to, it's not my place.

I honestly don't care what she's going through. She throws around the word 'depression' so much and makes jokes about the LGBT community, like calling me her 'lez friend' since she's always hugging me.

She claims to have Bipolar Disorder and major depression but she said it so casually to me, and she's shown no symptoms of the illness or symptoms from lithium medication or anti-depressants (which is what I take) for three years.

I've thought about sitting down and talking but there's never a good time, especially since I don't have any classes with her. As I said, our band is small, so people kind of spread out and there's never a good place in the band room, practice field, or the hallway where no one is nearby. I don't have her number but it would also be kind of rude to tell her over a text message, especially since it's hard to detect your tone of voice without stupid emojis.


Quote
Okay maybe you should actually tell her to piss off. I mean, fanfiction of your friends? Hanging out with biggest bully (you had)? Telling your guyfriends to f**k off?  I wouldn't want any part of her tbh. You really need to drop her. She sounds like she's gone off the deep end and is a bad influence.


I sit with her at lunch with my other friends, and I also don't have any classes with her (I used to have AP Psych with her, but she dropped it). When one of my friends mentioned the fanfic thing she just kind of shrugged and said 'it's a free country, I can write what I want'. I don't know, she gets kind of needy if no one talks to her, and I know for a fact that she has tried to commit suicide once, in eighth grade, so I really don't want to make her feel worse if she is still depressed.

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Offline 138

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Re: Clingy friends?
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2015, 03:50:54 PM »
Sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Based on what you've just said, both of these girls sound horrible to be around. It most really awkward for you when they approach you (I don't mean to put words in your mouth).

For the 1st girl:
Calling you her "lez friend" because she hugs you all the time is really insensitive (ironic coming out of my mouth). I mean I don't know your sexual orientation, but I would feel like a second class citizen if that's all I was called no matter what my orientation was. I mean I hug some of my guy friends sometimes, but they don't see me as their "queer friend." Most likely she doesn't have any sort of mental disorder, so she's probably faking it for attention.

For the 2nd girl:
Yeah it is a free country (somewhat), but there are consequences for what you say/ write (I've learned that the hard way) . I mean I wouldn't want someone writing erotic fantasies about my friends and I. That's just weird. If she does write them, she should keep them to herself. Also if she's tried to commit suicide once, she needs to get help. Suicide should never be considered no matter how bad it gets. I know I don't have much knowledge on the subject, but I'm seeing too many young people killing themselves.
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Offline Aconitum

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Re: Clingy friends?
« Reply #6 on: October 18, 2015, 04:01:34 PM »
Honestly, you probably should just push delicacy aside. The first girl, if she's that bad, tell her straight up what's bothering you. Tell her she's just not your forte. Being honest with her isn't being mean. Really, the meanest thing you could do to her is let her keep on thinking the way she's acting is okay for you. Dropping hints obviously isn't helping.

As for the second one, I suggest doing the same thing. If they're your friends, they'll understand and make an effort to change their inappropriate behavior. If not, then I guess it's time to find new friends. It's easier said than done, I know. But... You just have to.

Offline Keinai

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Re: Clingy friends?
« Reply #7 on: October 18, 2015, 04:11:35 PM »
I'm not in the US right now so I'll have to wait a week to do any of this, and there's only a few more weeks of marching season left.


There's just never a good time to tell anyone anything in private, if it's not at school, then my stepmom is lurking around somewhere.


If I can't figure out a solution on this thread, it's okay, I'm just kind of angry and I needed to vent a little. Thanks for your help, guys.
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