RALPH: Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to wet my pants.
CHIEF WIGGUM: Don't worry son. Just relax and it will come.
FLANDERS: Ralph, you're gonna be on special teams
RALPH: I'm special
RALPH: You're going to heaven
RALPH: Goodbye witches... thanks for not eating me
CHIEF WIGGUM: Yeah, you hags are all right!
MISS HOOVER: I need a volunteer to present an oral report on Principal Skinner's life
RALPH: Miss Hoover? Which one is oral?
MISS HOOVER: Out of your mouth Ralph
MISS HOOVER: Volunteers?..... thank you Lisa
RALPH: No Miss Hoover, I'm Ralph
RALPH: When I grow up I wanna be a Principal or a Caterpillar... I love you Principal Skinner!
MISS HOOVER: Now, take some paste and spread it on the construction paper... Ralph! Are you eating your paste?
RALPH: No Miss Hoover
TESTING GUY: Here's your scientifically selected career
RALPH: Salmon Gutter???
RALPH: Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office
Ms. HOOVER: Ralph, remember when you said Snagglepuss was outside?
RALPH: He was going to the bathroom
RALPH: That's enough..... that's enouuuuughhhh
RALPH: He steps on the clutch and the toilet goes flush... hail to the bus driver....
BUS DRIVER: SHUT UP!!
RALPH: Ms. Hoover, the movie's over
LISA: Where's Ms. Hoover?
GIRL: Hey, her car is gone
RALPH: Maybe she drove to the moon
RALPH: Daddy, when I grow up I wanna be just like you
CHIEF WIGGUM: Better start eatin' kid
RALPH: haha I didn't mean it that way
RALPH: Look Big Daddy, it's Regular Daddy
RALPH: Daddy, these rubber pants are hot
CHIEF WIGGUM: You wear 'em till you learn son
RALPH: I'm pedaling backwards
RALPH: Can you open my milk mommy?
MISS HOOVER: I'm not mommy Ralph, I'm Miss Hoover.
RALPH: Dear Miss Hoover, you have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin is biting me. Come back soon. Here's a drawing of a spirokeet. Love Ralph
RALPH: Mrs. Krabapple and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me
RALPH: I dress myself
RALPH: I can't believe I used to go out with you!
RALPH: Miss Hoover, the floor is shaking
MISS HOOVER: Ralph, remember the time....
RALPH: ahhhhhh!
MISS HOOVER: Now, take out your red crayons
RALPH: Miss Hoover?
MISS HOOVER: Yes Ralph?
RALPH: I don't have a red crayon
MISS HOOVER: Why not?
RALPH: I ate it
RALPH: My knob tastes funny
RALPH: Mr. Simpson.. the tar fumes are making me dizzy
HOMER: Yeah.. they'll do that
RALPH: Can I walk you home... Valentine?
RALPH: hehe... it says choo choo choose me... and there's
a picture of a train
SERVANT: Your broth.. Mr. President..
RALPH: I ask for no broth!! Away with you lest my cane find your backside!
SERVANT: umm.. yes
CHALMERS: Are these children as smart as they look?
PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Well, let's pick one at random... ummmm how about that one?
CHALMERS: You mean this boy here?
SKINNER: Nooo! Lisa Simpson
CHALMERS: When was the Battle of New Orleans?
LISA: January 8th, 1815. Two weeks after the war ended
CHALMERS: First rate
RALPH: What's a battle?
RALPH: Lisa!
LISA: Hi Ralph, you were great tonight
RALPH: Awwww.. thanks
LISA: I've got something for you
RALPH: Let's be friends.... it says be and there's a picture of a bee on it!... hehe
LISA: I thought you'd like it
RALPH: I am so glad you cho, cho chosed to come...
LISA: I think you should give that a rest Ralph
RALPH: At least you guys are my friends.... awwww
CHIEF WIGGUM: Son, I know just how you feel. You've got a great little girl and the world's your oyster
RALPH: No dad, she made a fool out of me
CHIEF WIGGUM: Hey! Come to think of it she did. Well, she didn't reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police... now... where did I put my badge? Hey! That duck's got it!... awww c'mom give it back
PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Oh now we're into the dregs.. here's Ralph Wiggum's entry. Pre-packaged Star Wars characters still in their display box? Are those the Limited Edition Action Figures?
RALPH: What's a diaroma?
LISA: Sorry I....
RALPH: Leave me alone, I'm here to play George Washington!
RALPH: Lisa, you want a bite of my ice cream?
LISA: No thanks
CHIEF WIGGUM: Send it this way boy
RALPH: Whoops
LISA: awwwww
CHIEF WIGGUM: Awwww... nothing gets chocolate out, see?
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER: Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels!
RALPH: Dear wife, if I could take but one treasure with me to the next life it would be your tender kiss
PATTY: mmmm... now that's a man
RALPH: Dear madam, would you put a price on the air we breathe, or the providence that sustains us?
LISA: But couldn't we just give in to the British?
RALPH: NEVER!!!!
PATTY: That boy is magnificent
JIMBO: He makes me want to learn more about our founding fathers
KERNEY: To the Library!!
JIMBO: Yeah!
KRUSTY: What's your name son?
RALPH: Ralph
KRUSTY: And is this your girlfriend Ralph?
RALPH: Yes! I love Lisa Simpson and when I grow up I'm
going to marry her!
LISA: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
RALPH: I beat the smart kids! I beat the smart kids! Oooh... I bent my wookie
LISA: Hey Ralph, wanna come with me and Allison to play anigrams?
ALLSION: We take proper names and re-arrange them to form a description of that person
RALPH: My cat's breath smells like cat food
RALPH: Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulders
RALPH: When I grow up I'm going to Bovine Univerisity
RALPH: I ate all my caps...ow!
RALPH: Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove
RALPH: Miss Hoover, there's a dog in the vent
RALPH: Me fail english? That's unpossible
RALPH: My face is on fire
PRINCIPAL SKINNER: And now with a flute up his nose,
Ralph Wiggum
RALPH: *toot*
CHIEF WIGGUM: That's some nice flutin' boy
RALPH: Somebody took my juice money
RALPH: What's for lunch tomorrow?
PRODUCER: Next
RALPH: Chicken necks
RALPH: The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there
RALPH: I heard your dad went in a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant
RALPH: My parents won't let me use scissors
CHILDREN: hahaha
MISS HOOVER: The children are right to laugh at you Ralph, these things couldn't cut butter
RALPH: Wheeee... ow I bit my tongue
RALPH: Miss Hoover?
MISS HOOVER: Yes Ralph what is it?
RALPH: My worm went in my mouth and I then ate it, can I have another one?
MISS HOOVER: No Ralph there aren't anymore. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning
RALPH: Oh boy Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!
Miss Hoover: Children, I won't be staying long. I just came from the doctor, and I have lyme disease. Principal Skinner will run the class until a substitute arrives.
Ralph: What's lyme disease?
Miss Hoover: You see, class, my lyme disease turned out to be [spells it on the board] psychosomatic.
Ralph: Does that mean you're crazy?
Skinner: And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
Ralph: I'm Idaho!
Skinner: Yes, of course you are.
Hoover's class is reading essays entitled "The Happiest Day Of My Life".
Ralph: ... and when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
Mrs. Hoover: Thank you, Ralph, very graphic.
Lisa: Hi, fellaaass.
Chuck: [after she leaves] Love that chewing gum walk.
Ralph: Ve-ry Wrigley.
Ms. Hoover's class is taking a quiz...
Ralph: [whispering] Lisa, what's the answer to number seven?
Lisa: [whispering] Sorry, Ralph. That would defeat the purpose of testing as a means of student evaluation.
Ralph: [pauses] My cat's name is Mittens.
Ms. Hoover's class is taking another quiz...
Ralph: [whispers] Hey, Alison: what's the answer to number nine?
Alison: [whispers] I can't tell you, Ralph.
Lisa: [whispers] I can't tell you either, Ralph.
Ralph: [to Lisa] Leave me alone!
Bart: Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!
Jimbo: Hey! There's no monster.
Ralph: You're deceptive.
I had to do it. Ralph is just so awesome.
