Advice on How to Handle My Cat's Death?

[NJMike]

So Thursday my cat Snowball died in the hospital from a cardiac arrest, just hours after my mom and I had left visiting her. Before then, she was admitted Sunday and we found out she had pancreatitis and hepatic lipodosis (fatty liver syndrome), which is common in cats and 90% reversable. She had to be force-fed via a nasoesophogeal tube since she won't eat on her own. She also had nutrients fed to her through an I.V. But they also found out she had a low red blood count and might need a transfusion.

The way my mom was crying after she heard the news later that night, I swear I've never heard anyone IRL or on TV cry that violently before. It will scar me for the rest of my life. Then she came up the stairs fast before I had the chance to go down, and we sat down on my bed and hugged each other while crying, step-dad standing over us seemingly emotionless, but probably just wasn't showing it like us. I was more focused on how her crying sounded than my cat at first.

I wasn't really crying at first because it was just too hard to believe. But I did let a little out, but not until I was left alone when I did it full-force.

We visited her every single day in the hospital since Sunday and gave her all our attention and comfort, and the last place she was before we set her back in her cage before her death, was on my lap.

I had her since 2003 when she was about 1 year-old. She was my first cat and my first personal pet, she inspired my fursona and we had a very strong and special bond with each other. She was very affectionate and friendly, lazy and prissy. Since this is my first major death since my step-grandmom's in December 2006, I'm not really used to these things, and I can't stop thinking about this and obsessing over it. It's making me feel lonely and depressed with her gone now.

Anyone have any advice on how I could stop obsessing and feeling down? Or is it just a thing that will pass over time?

[Luggz]

I have already said this but I am sorry to hear about Snowball.

I wish I could give you some helpful advice but I can't, its the sort of thing that will take time to come to terms with and after a while you will be able to look back on the good times with Snowball and smile. Its only natural to feel this way after losing your cat that you have cared for and loved. How you come to terms with it is up to you, when my ferret was put to sleep I took his ashes home with the intention of scattering them in the garden but I couldn't bring myself to do so, 3 years later he is still sitting in my living room.

[Vee Katame: His Wolfy]

First off, I'm sorry to hear about Snowball. I know the death of a pet can be devastating.

I don't think there's any special "trick" to getting over a loss such as this. It just takes time. My ferret died in July and I still cry when I think about him sometimes (and this is after having him for only about two weeks short of a year). I also kiss the box that his ashes are in almost every night before I go to bed and tell him I love him.
I know it's hard, but you'll get through it.

[NJMike]

Yeah I'll be getting my cat's ashes, too. But last night I've also kissed my sweatpants that I wore when I had my cat lying on my lap on her last day, still is some fur on them.

I just thought I'd ask since I'm new to dealing with deaths, and to see if anyone had anything to offer that would help me mitigate the pain this causes me.

[Vee Katame: His Wolfy]

The place where I had Zeb (my ferret) cremated gave me like a packet full of things. A sweet poem, a certificate of private cremation, a heart ornament with his paw print in it, and some clippings of his fur in a little zip-lock baggy (the woman tried to get all of his different colors). They also let you have on of the pet's favorite toys, blanket, etc. cremated with it if the person so wishes. And they add a picture of your pet to their website if you give them one.
I don't know if there's any place like that near you, but I would wish that all states, countries, etc. would have such nice places.

[NJMike]

The place where I had Zeb (my ferret) cremated gave me like a packet full of things. A sweet poem, a certificate of private cremation, a heart ornament with his paw print in it, and some clippings of his fur in a little zip-lock baggy (the woman tried to get all of his different colors). They also let you have on of the pet's favorite toys, blanket, etc. cremated with it if the person so wishes. And they add a picture of your pet to their website if you give them one.
I don't know if there's any place like that near you, but I would wish that all states, countries, etc. would have such nice places.

That....sounds extremely depressing.

And I'm not sure how my cremation thing will go.

[Vee Katame: His Wolfy]

It's not really (in my opinion). Sure, I was crying when I read the poem and saw the stuff, but the momentos are actually really nice. I actually plan on putting together a shadowbox for him with that stuff in it, sort of as a memorial.

It sounds more depressing when you're in that kind of state, but I'm happy to have the things they gave me.
To each his own though.

[NJMike]

Well no matter how much so it makes me, it'll be worth it. I'll probably feel less lonely and depressed with her ashes sitting in my room. Definitely will take some getting used to.

[Bampot]

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost her. It's never easy, especially after having a pet that long, to say goodbye in such a way. You sound like you were an amazing owner and I'm sure she had a great life with you. You sound like you did your very best for her and I'm sure, even in her own way, that she knew and appreciated that.

As someone who's lost many dear to me, both on four and two legs, I can say that the only thing that really heals you is time. It may take weeks or months, but things will be back to normal. It's just the way life goes on. The most you can do it remember and be happy that you had the chance to have her in your life. But I know that is easier said then done. I think some of us are closer to our pets than we are most people. They understand us in unseen ways and inspire us.

Here's a story that, while emotional, helps me cope with our pets too short of lives:

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owner, his wife, and their little boy were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
 
 As we made arrangements, the owners told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old boy to observe the procedure. They felt he could learn something from the experience.
 
 The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. The little boy seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.
 
 Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.
 
 We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
 
 The little boy, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."
 
 Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life - like loving everybody and being nice, right?" The four-year- old continued, "Well, animals already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

As for her ashes, have you considered getting them put into a necklace? I work for a vet and the place that we go to offers putting a bit of the ashes in a little glass orb with spiral colors or your choice. That's what I plan to get for my dog, when the time comes. It may be a silly notion to some, and morbid to others, but I could think of a better thing to do.

[anoni]

Death in general can be very hard. To handle your cats death I can give you advice though the advice may not be helpful in your situation, this is just to handle death altogether.

1. You must never ask "what if", thinking about life if your cat was still alive can leave you heartbroken and very sad, as this event is something that is out of your control, you must remember the good parts of the past but also look to the future, death is an unfortunate part of life, but it's something that you need to move on with. "Roll with the punches"
2. Time, time is the best healer for things like this, coping with your cats death is something you have to do on your own and it will take time, but it will end eventually and although you will always be slightly sad thinking of your cats death, you will also be much more happier.
3. If you're religious you must think of the better place that your cat is going to, she is happy now. If you're not then you must know that your cat is no longer in pain, she is at rest now.

Those are the only things I can give you I'm afraid, most of this you have to handle yourself, venting about it can help sometimes though

[MrRazot]

my first cat died from being hit by a taxi and the second one was sleeping under our car when we ran over it.
our one dog even died from rat poison
several of our budgies have also died


to be very honest i wasn't phased by their deaths. not because i'm a heartless monster or "real men don't cry" but because i understand that things die.
i'm not saying i was like "oh well they died"
i'm just saying the sooner you accept that everything that has a start has an end you will surely be able to live a better life


sorry if it's not very good advise


my condolences to you and your cat

[Draco Vertolgr]

I have had to deal with death manytimes more than what I think is right for my age but one thing you must realize is that your cat is at rest, one day you will too, you will miss your cat but time will help heal this and if you do think of your cat think of the fun times you had, no one or animal (i assume) wants to be remembered for death only their legacy left behind

[NJMike]

I have had to deal with death manytimes more than what I think is right for my age but one thing you must realize is that your cat is at rest, one day you will too, you will miss your cat but time will help heal this and if you do think of your cat think of the fun times you had, no one or animal (i assume) wants to be remembered for death only their legacy left behind

Hmm yes good point.

Funny thins topic was bumped because I just got her ashes today, along with a clay pawprint of her paw and a certificate of private cremation.

Contrary to what I previously thought, I wasn't the slightest bit phased or uncomfortable by the site of all these things, even touching her ashes pouch didn't stir emotions in my. Of course, though my mom broke down again.

Here's a picture of the urn thing: