Question for everyone, and advice please :(

[MinxKitty]

My Mate has a close female friend..  They have nothing between them, he thinks of her more as a guy than a girl, simply because he's never been attracted to her like that...  Its not that I dont trust him..  Its just that certain things she does, makes me not trust her...
So I was wondering if anyone does this, and how people would feel if someone did this with their Mate...
She stayed at his for two nights last week..  Only because she was in town and needed somewhere to stay, there barley saw each other..  But she 'borrowed' one of his shirts to wear out..  And then when he went to the pub with her last night, she was wearing his jumper, which she'd 'borrowed' without consent and had taken home with her...
I'm the kind of person who only borrows a guys clothes if I really like them.  I have a thing about smells, and if I like someone like that, its usually because I love their smell too.. So I borrow their clothes so I have some of their smell around me while I'm awake from them...  So, her borrowing his clothes is a bit weird for me.. 
Does anyone borrow clothes of people that they are purely JUST friends with?  And how would everyone feel if someone started borrowing their Mates clothes without their Mates permission or knowledge? 
Thanks for reading and any comments
MK
x

[Vee Katame: His Wolfy]

Welcome to pretty much every day of my life. I HATE it when other girls show any kind of interest in my mate, even when he has no interest in any girl but me (his words). I trust him completely but I don't trust the girls to take the hint (he has had a woman ask him what he was doing after work and he told her that he was going home to his girlfriend and she said, "She doesn't have to know" or something like that, so yeah).
So I believe that it's perfectly fine that you don't trust her. I probably wouldn't if I was you.


Yes, I have borrowed guys' clothes before BUT I had their permission. Actually, in most of the cases, it was a sweatshirt because I was cold (guy friends; a couple were gay and one was straight but was my friend's boyfriend, so he was just being nice), or it was an accessory that belonged to my guy best friend (who is gay) because I liked it. Always with permission though. I never take other people's things without asking.
I definitely wouldn't like it if a girl started borrowing my mate's clothes without his permission or him knowing about it. Hell, I wouldn't like them doing it WITH his permission. But I'm just very possessive and I get jealous easy. I'm not a very nice person when I believe someone is trying to get with my mate.


So yeah, I think how you're feeling about this whole thing is fine. It's not like you're attacking her over it.

[WingedZephyr]

Borrowing clothes with someone of the opposite gender is a sign of romantic interest to me too. If she actually was male, I'd have a hard time believing they'd still be sharing clothes.

As his girlfriend, I think you at least have the right to ask her politely to not use your mate's clothing, whether she had any bad intentions or not. It doesn't really matter what it means to her; it means something to you. He's your boyfriend, and if she respects your relationship with him at all, she should be able to understand that it's important. (And if you can't ask her, at least have your mate tell her.)

As for whether or not you should be worried in general... it's impossible for me to say, really. I don't know enough about the girl or your mate to know anything about how they think or handle their friendship. I do think you have a right to be concerned though, so be careful.

[MinxKitty]

Thank you both for commenting and making me feel like I'm not crazy and the one in the wrong here...
I dont think I could speak to her, or him about it properly..  We got into an argument about it the other day, and I know that if I take it any further then he's going to get more annoyed with me.  Because as far as he is concerned she doesnt like him like that AT ALL!  I really hope thats true, because I couldnt stand to see her even try to take him away from me..  I dont want this to end badly...
She's SO involved in our relationship though.. He tells her everything, even things I ask him specifically NOT to tell her - he ends up telling her "/...  And she's rung me up a few times, telling me how I should feel about my own relationship "/...  I hate that bit.. 
He had a civil conversation with his ex the other week..  Which I was fine with..  I know all about their relationship and how he feels about her now, so whatever, I understand that he doesnt like arguments, so he'd rather be civil...  But then his 'best friend' rings me up telling me that I should have a problem with it and put him under 'house arrest', and be totally jealous "/...  WTF does it have to do with her how I feel in my OWN relationship?! "/...
I dont want her to be so involved...  But they're moving in together in January, and she's going to be more involved that I am "/...
I dont know what to do, and I'm not even too sure if there is anything I can do...  I really want this relationship to work..  I love this guy more than I have ever loved anyone, I've never felt like this..  Its crazy, and hard to believe - but I really think he is the one for me, and I'd do anything to make him happy..  I just hope this will all sort itself out
MK
x

[Vee Katame: His Wolfy]

Okay, seriously? You need to TELL him not to tell her stuff that you don't want her to know. And I mean really tell him so that he stops doing it. I know you said you asked him not to tell her things, but apparently asking isn't good enough since he tells her anyway.
Maybe you should tell her that you're going to feel however you feel about your relationship and that's the end of it.

And, excuse me for exploding for a second here, but...
Why the hell is she moving in with him?! That's just... Yeah. I definitely wouldn't like that if I was in your situation. That's like giving you more reason to have issues with how involved she is with your relationship. And judging by how he didn't like your argument about her the other day, you having more reason to have issues is something he should want to AVOID.

It seems like he's doing the opposite of everything you would want him to do. It also seems like he doesn't care if something bothers you or not as long as it's something that's okay to him, and if that's true (which I don't know), then that's not good at all.

But anyways, I really hope you can work things out since you feel so strongly for him and think he might be the one.

[Kalylia]

I have to agree.  It seems strange to me that they would be moving in together.  Especially with how she's been acting.  I would be very concerned if I were in your shoes.  But it's best to not flip out.  Talk to your mate and calmly explain to him why you're uncomfortable with what's going on.  If you keep your cool and explain yourself fully and eloquently, you should be fine.


Best of luck, dear.

[Aoren Deringer]

Well I certainly borrow my friends clothes when I'm in need but I dunno about doing in without consent and be more along the lines of theft...
It could be harmless, but you never know. You could probably ask her directly (in a non-confrontational manner. Or you shall pay...) but that could have some consequences depending on her personality.
 
But if you trust him, and he is obviously not into her even if she is attracted to him it wont do her much good. But... Moving in together? I must admit it sounds extreme.
Also I agree with Kalyia one talking to him about it.
 
Best of luck, Minx.

[MinxKitty]

VeeSmith..
Its his BEST FRIEND!  Its not like me asking or telling him not to tell her something will make a blind bit of difference..  They tell each other everything and I'm going to have to learn to cope with that...  We're obviously just different people - there are things I wouldnt even DREAM of telling my closest of friends, yet he has no boundaries with things he feels comfortable telling her about...  Just means, that if she ever wants to be my friend again, then I'm going to have a problem feeling comfortable around her...
He doesnt like taking sides in things, and he doesnt like choosing between people..  I can respect that, even if it means that he isnt deliberately trying to avoid us having arguments..  I want to avoid them though, so I'm just going to have to deal with everything without saying anything..  I think I can do that...
I dont think he's really doing the opposite of everything I want..  I dont think he'd do that...  He's defiantly doing what makes him happy, which, at the end of the day, is what I want...  If he's not happy, then theres no point in us being together, let alone anything else...  If this is what makes him happy, then so be it...


Kalylia
Thank you ...  We did have a rational conversation about it all last night, and although nothing was resolved, I'm hoping he can at least understand my side of things a little bit more and not get annoyed with me when the things she does upset me..  *fingers crossed* it will all work out


Aoren
Hey, long time no speak ...  Me and her used to be close friends, but she's not talking to me anymore..  Not too sure what I've done, but she hasnt answered my texts in weeks!  I dont think its really a good idea at all for me to try and talk to her about anything to be honest..  I dont really want to annoy my Mate either by speaking to her about stuff thats annoying me..  I think that would annoy him more than me speaking to him about it..  I spoke to one of my friends the other day about stuff, this friend happens to be one of my Mates close friends as well..  But said friend was helping me through a few other things and this was mentioned, and my Mate didnt like that at all.. So, no, talking to her, or really, anyone else about it is out of the question..  I dont even know if its okay that I'm discussing it on here really "/...  Just needed someone to tell me I'm not crazy or whatever, but "/...  I dont know what effect it'll have if he ever found out...
I dont know if extreme is the right word..  She needs a place to live and he needs a bit of rent money..  I suppose its something I'll get used to..  One things for sure though, I really do love this guy...  Anyone else i've ever been with did anything like this, let alone move in with another girl, I'd leave them in seconds..  But I really do trust him, and I dont think he'd do anything to deliberately hurt me, so....


See how things go really..
Thank you
xx

[Aoren Deringer]

Well trust is definitaly important.
You may want to keep an eye (a silent eye) on her, but if what you say is true it shouldnt be a huge problem...
And everyone needs somewhere to vent, and normally it is their mate (but when you're venting about them...) well, that's what friends are for.

[MinxKitty]

Yeah..  I hate needing somewhere to talk about him "/...  I love being able to talk to him about things, and I do..  He's the only person I can talk to about anything..  Sometimes, its nice just to get a second opinion or two lol...
I do trust him, completely..  So it should all be good..  Thanks babe, you're always such a help
MK
x

[Vee Katame: His Wolfy]

Guess I should have quit while I was ahead instead of replying to the second post of information...

Well, anyways, glad I helped the first time around.

[pawz9]

Im not sure im all too reliable for this since i have MAJOR trust issues but yea her moving in with him is completeley uncalled for