Jokes!!!!!

[anoni]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? the holocaust.

What do you call a man with one arm, two noses and 3 testicles? names.

[MrRazot]

why do german showers have 11 holes?
jews only have 10 fingers.

[anoni]

(Ok, lets get out of borderline offensive just in case mods are watching )

There was once an ugly barnacle, he was so ugly everyone died, the end.

[MrRazot]

(patrik for the win)


person 1: i know a fox with no nose.
person 2: how does he smell?
person 1: terrible.

[anoni]

(haha how mean )

A man and woman were making love, when the man stopped and asked the woman
"Billy looks different from our other 9 kids... does he have a different father?"
The woman nervously, reluctantly and sadly said... "yes"
The man tried to hold back a tear in his eye, but he had to know, he asked "Who is it?"
The woman looked at the man and almost bursting into tears, says "you"

[MrRazot]

lol


why did the bubblegum cross the road?
it was stuck to the chicken's foot

[anoni]

Why did Einstein cross the road?

He didn't, the road crossed Einstein!

[MrRazot]

where does electricity come from?
battery chickens

[anoni]

There was a couple that had a wedding, on the wedding day the husband found a box of the wife's and asked the wife what was in the box,
The wife told the husband that the box was secret and he is not allowed to open it. The husband pleaded every anniversary to open the box but to no prevail.

Finally on their 35th anniversary she finally let him open the box, in the box was two roses and $30,000. The husband asked
"What's with the roses?"
The wife says, "Well, every time I cheated on you, I picked a rose"
The husband was saddened, but not by much, after all after 35 years she only cheated on him once. So the husband asked,
"Well... ok, I guess that's acceptable, what about the money?"
The wife said, "Everytime I passed a florist I sold the roses..."

[Edwolf]

What's 8ft tall, green, and won't talk to you? - The Incredible Sulk. 

[MrRazot]

what colour does a smurf go when you choke it?

[Cifero Windtail]

Alright, time for a CLEAN joke...


Why couldn't the skeleton tango at the ball?

Spoiler for Hidden:

Because he had no-body to dance with

[MrRazot]

why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?

Spoiler for Hidden:

he didn't have the guts

[Luggz]

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
 
 The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
 
 Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange... occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.
 
 To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
 
 Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"
 
 The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old b****** dig. I had him buried upside down......."

[anoni]

(This isn't really a joke, just something my brother said about 2 days ago when buying a coffee)

I'll have a large flat white... just how I like my woman