I think I'm turning MORE bad :(

[MinxKitty]

So, I'm a bi girl, who wants to be a gay guy... I've recently sort of dated a guy who wants to be a girl, and was slightly into crossdressing and the like, and to be honest it didn't bother me... Its who we are, I dress as a guy a hell of a lot of the time, and i have a few friends who do the same, or male friends who dress as girls... I have never had a problem with it...

Me and my ex are looking into getting back together, and we're being 100% honest with eachother this time.. So he admitted he likes to crossdress sometimes, and stole my clothes a few times when we were living together...
Why am i disgusted and freaking out?  It might just be because he's so straight it is unbelievable, so i cant understand the cross dressing thing...  Or maybe its because the last guy I dated who cross dressed is now turning more and more gay by the second... I
I'm scared that we'll go through all the trouble of getting back together, convincing our families and friends that all the arguments from the past were stupid and we're meant to be together...... And then this will get in between us and i wont be able to cope with it...
I feel really bad, because last time i couldn't deal with his heel obsession, but i didn't have any weird things that he had to deal with, so it felt sort of okay for me to go funny about it... But I've got some weird stuff I like now too, like being a furry or wanting to be a guy etc, and he's completely fine with it!!  Hes 100% supportive and said he'll try anything i want to do and stuff...
And theres me freaking out about this tiny thing, which I've dealt with with other people before...  I just cant understand why i find it normal for other people and completely scary and weird for him to do it!!

Someone help me, i don't want to turn into a bad person or wreck what potentially could be a really good relationship because of this
MK
xox

[Kodachi Devil]

Okay. Well.... I don't have too much advice, but about the crossdressing. He's not onstantly gay if bhe does it, so don't worry . My friends dad crossdresses but he's never had a taste for any men, at least to our knowledge.  And i,m sure that it will work out! Trust me, there,s a?ways a asilver lining!

[Gelidus]

I once had the gayest friend youll ever know. He dressed up and did drag, he was super dramatic, and he was just FLAMING gay. But it didn't bother anybody because that how I knew he was. Before I met him, if you told me I was gonna be in someones room while the were getting ready for a drag show I would have been like WTF?!?! But it seemed normal cause thats just who he was. And I think what the problem is, your so used to this guy being totally straight, that when he does cross-dress, It doesn't seem like its who he is. I think to solve the problem, you just need to re-meet him. Realize in your mind that he has changed, and think about this as a new relationship.

You also have to be safe though. Because the person you broke up with could still come out...but thats later on. Right now, to solve this problem I think you need to just think of this as a fresh perspective.

Hope this helps

[Puncia]

I side with Gelidus on this one. I think it's just that you're not used to the idea of him doing it and the fact that he's straight only amplifies this because "special people" (used in a VERY loose term - all furries or anyone with a strange fetish, etc...) have a tendency to not be straight and vice-versa.

[MinxKitty]

Thanks guys .. Yeah didnt think of it just being not what I was used to with him ..
I'll let you know how it goes in a few months time

MK
xox

[.: ♥ Kiniia ♥ :.]

Just thought I'd add my two cents on this as I've been in the same situation

I went through a period of desperately wanting to be a female. Crossdressing, make-up, you name it and I'd done it, even bordering on self-mutilation. and my current mate used to entertain the notion of being a guy. We met and the magic happened, a few months later I told her about this whole scene about transgenderism and my place in it. She found it hard to believe as well, just like you, considering I went to the gym and the pub, I hung out with guys and talked about stereotypical guy stuff. I was proud if my muscles and my macho(ish) look. Which made it very hard for my mate to comprehend but we got through it because she had entertained the notion of being a guy.

I think you naturally ran away from that because maybe you hadn't fully come to terms with your gender issues, and seeing your boyfriend exhibit similar behaviour scared you in a way. Maybe it was all too much at once. these things happen.I wouldn't worry about becoming a bad person, because in my opinion making a thread about it AND going back to your ex proves that you're trying to change it. which doesn't make you a bad person. Maybe you just need to approach slower this time and take time to absorb everything.

Hope that helped and it wasn't just a jumble of jibberish.

[MinxKitty]

The thing is.. I've only recently been with a guy who wanted to be a girl and was into cross dressing, and it was so normal.. But this guy claims to be completely straight and have no desires to be a girl at all, which is why it is confusing me...

[.: ♥ Kiniia ♥ :.]

so he's just a normal guy? So wait he's completely straight and he accepts who you are? I don't get what the problem is then

[MinxKitty]

The problem isnt him, its me.. The entire idea of him cross dressing makes me feel ill :'(... I'm such a bad person.. He'll accept me and i cant accept this because i cant understand it

[Gelidus]

You can accept him Minx...Trust me. Just give yourself time. It does take time to get used to things. You can accept him for it, I promise. It just takes time.

[MinxKitty]

I really hope you're right ... its bringing me down so much because I want to make this work so badly, and I know its only ME stopping it from working!!

xox

[MinxKitty]

UPDATE!!

I went out for dinner with this guy tonight...  We went to a local pub and had a nice meal and then walked and talked and ended up kissing...
I've missed being with him so so much!! I think I can work past this 'weird' feeling I have.. I cant possibly let it effect us when I miss him this much ...
So happy ...

Thank you everyone who left me advice and help
MK
xox

[WhiteTiger89]

I always love hearing about happy endings/new beginnings. It's like when the sun finally breaks through the clouds on a depressingly cloudy day.

I had a day like that myself today where I spent a few hours with my former mate. We'd made plans to take some pictures of me today to use in the press release I'm making for my book, but things didn't pan out and I wound up lying in bed with her as she caught the scant few hours of sleep she managed to get before her family decided to wake her up for dinner. And I realized then that despite everything else I'd been feeling, or been trying to make myself feel, I would happily walk through fire for her if she needed me to.

It's amazing the things that can happen when you get right to the core of how you feel and why you feel that way.

[MinxKitty]

I know exactly what you mean! When me and my ex broke up I moved away and convinced myself I was better off without me and it had been the worst 2 years of my life.. And for 7 months, I actually believed that.. He was this horrid guy whod made my life hell, when really it was just a few petty arguments.. It took me until I say him again to realise that it was all lies I'd told myself to help me get over him and pretend I had stopped loving him!!
Happy endings are great... Except I went home today... It was so hard getting on the train and leaving.. And some guy on the train was playing our song, and I just wanted to get off at the next stop and turn around ...
MK
xox

[WhiteTiger89]

Look at it this way Minx. You said in my Losing a Mate thread that you wished God would answer your prayers? I would bet money that the guy playing your song on the train was a certain someone telling you that things will work out.