I'm sorry, I don't like judging an entire group of people based off of what a handful of them do, but quite frankly it's hard to when you don't see people that aren't like that. I'm an atheist and I don't walk around telling people "Don't believe in God cause you're not going anywhere after you die" but every religious person I've met that discovered I was atheist has had that kind of reaction, thinking that they need to convert me from being a horrible person or something. And all of those people who shake their head at my 'sinful' ways are hypocritical as they live every day of their lives acting like a jackass to everyone, even their own church members. I've seen it happen.
Not to mention that they don't want a real answer to "Why don't you believe in God?" They only want to hear "Meh, never liked church, never got into religion." They don't want to listen when I try to tell them "I can't believe in someone I have no proof exists. I can't believe in a God that claims to love all his children, yet sets high standards no one can live up to and condemns those who fail him to an afterlife away from his kingdom. I can't believe in a God that was NEVER there for me when I needed him most. He never answered any of my prayers I had growing up. I tried to believe for nineteen of my twenty-one years, and through my childhood, I got to be a part of my parents' arguments, being thrown in the middle of everything and being forced to take a side. I got to watch my dad beat on my mom when he was pissed at her, yet claiming he doesn't abuse her, and punish her by taking away anything she thought was fun just because of stupid s--t like not doing what he told her right away or saying he was wrong even when he was. And guess what? My dad was a Christian! And so was my mom! But what did they do with their beliefs? They threw them in each other's faces, saying how God will punish them for what they've done. My dad even dared to say that God told my dad to treat my mom that way because the bible said that the husband rules over the wife, and that her disrespect means she needs to learn her place. I actually got into physical fights with my dad because of him hurting my mom.
"And I'm just getting started. His verbal abuse was shared between me and my mom as well. I got treated like crap all the time, being told that I'm fat and I'm stupid and I'll never make it in the real world and that I should just give up on everything because I'll never be worth anything. Its because of my father that I fell into a year-long depression where I felt truly worthless and stupid and ugly. He had me believing everything he said about me. It gave me self esteem issues that I still struggle with sometimes even to this day. And let's not forget how I never felt safe in my own home. I had insomnia for a long time, and whenever my dad got loud, I always panicked inside and had to go see if he was happy and laughing or if he was pissed for the millionth time.
"But it doesn't end there. When I met the one lone ray of sunshine in my life at the age of seventeen, my soon-to-be wife, we started a long distance relationship that helped heal a lot of pain that I felt inside. Finally having someone to dump all my feelings in front of and just feel complete support was something I never had before, and she was my everything. I loved her with all my heart, and I finally felt loved after so many years of misery. And you wanna know what happened? My way too overprotective father refused to let me go visit her. And him being a control freak that used punishments to control his family, he actually began to take away my phone and computer privileges every time he punished me, efficiently taking my girlfriend from me, my one ray of light in a house of darkness.
Then he decided, 'Sure, I'll help you see your girlfriend,' stringing me along for two long years as he found constant excuses as for why he couldn't send me to Tennessee to see her, with such gems as 'You don't have your I.D. yet and you need it for the Greyhound' (which he never helped me get), 'Re don't have enough money, wait for the tax refund' (which he kept to himself) and my personal favorite 'You can't do simple tasks like clean a dish and follow directions so you must be too f---ing stupid to make it over there'.
And what did I do during all those times I've mentioned? I prayed to God. I begged him to bring our family together and help us find peace. I even somehow convinced myself that every single one of my family's issues was my fault for not having enough faith in God and constantly sinning. I spent years and years, waiting for him to help me out of a really bad situation. And nothing changed.
Not until I finally stopped praying. Not until I gave up on God. Not until I finally stopped waiting for someone else to fix my problems for me. I had to steal three hundred dollars from my father's bank account, pack my essential items, and actually run away from my home at the age of nineteen. I had to give up on ever making things work with that family. I had to push away my past and move on, making a new family for myself out of my girl and her family. Once I did that, I finally found true happiness, something God was never able to give me.
After the day I finally left to start a new, better life, I've found no reason to believe in God anymore. No God, no Jesus, no Heaven, no Hell, nothing. I have no reason to think that any of those things exist. I've been through far too much in my life with no help from a spiritual force. I've never been spoken to by God, I've never seen any tangible proof, and I'm just fine with never being part of a religion ever again. I live happier than I've ever been after realizing that I'm responsible for what happens in my life.
This is me. I'm Dr. Prower, and I'm a proud atheist, and nothing will ever change that. (Sorry for such a long post. I had a lot to vent out...)
