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Author Topic: My work  (Read 6200 times)

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Offline KittKat chunky~

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Re: My work
« Reply #30 on: June 28, 2010, 09:01:09 PM »
 :o

Caaaameras......

Good stuff, only major error i noticed was:
Quote
A split rain straight from one end of the hemisphere
I'm guessing that should be 'ran'

Interesting to read, i  have to say it caught my attention well and i just had to read it through to the end... nice and powerful imagery throughout   :3
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Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: My work
« Reply #31 on: June 28, 2010, 09:33:28 PM »
Reading it back, there's a few mistakes, but thanks for enjoying it. It is rather good even though I say so myself. It just needs cleaning and clearing.

Thanks again for reading it. It's much appreciated.
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: My work
« Reply #32 on: September 09, 2010, 06:21:31 PM »
I seem to have a habit of posting the first one or two paragraphs up here, and then hiding the rest away because publishers dont like work being thrown around everywhere before they get to it.

Anyway, I started my creative writing project for my final year at Uni. I should have started months and months ago, but i was too busy living life and drawing stupid stuff and writing my novel (which is at 45000 words so far.  I should be at 90 by the end of the year, hitting my target in january.)

Anyway, creative writing project, first draft of the first paragraph or so, written while tired and extremely hungry:

Wax dripped onto his hand, as he balanced the candle in his palms.
“You shouldn’t be so nervous, you know.” His hair clung to his face like dark brown veins curling over his cheeks and nose, crawling into his mouth and down his throat, making his voice strain and gulp as he spoke. “They chained it up, sealed it away. You can talk safely with it, though it will only scream to be set free.” His mouth stretched across his face, in a wide reptilian smile. “You could do as it asks.” He blinked. She could hear the water on his eyes, and saw it dribble down his cheek.
“I don’t even know where it is,” she said with a voice like a feather. Soft and beautiful, but a hard and sharp core.
“Neither do I, but I’ll show you as far as I know.” The red flesh of his tongue writhed in his mouth, as he licked his teeth, and the veins of hair that wriggled inside. Taking one of these tendrils off the roof of his mouth, he pushed it out with that fleshy muscle, and guided it to the flickering candle flame. The hair glowed, and then burst into light that whipped over his face. It spread through the rest of his hair, at the top of his head, and down into his mouth, burning deep into his throat. It spread and danced with giddy energy, and he roared and laughed through his words. “Of course,” he said. “There’s no guarantee that it won’t recognise you, and bite you. It might eat you up, until there’s nothing left but a memory that will burn as people forget!” He laughed wild and hard, on and on, but he was faltering. His eyes were dead. They reflected the flames but were dark. He shut them tight and the flames of his hair calmed, turning to a rhythmic glow and fade in tune with his slowing heavy breaths. That strained voice he had, turned into a mellifluous song, coaxing and fanning the blaze, intensifying its glow over the tendrils that reached down into his gut. He illuminated the room, and it was all bare, with a black door and brown stained walls, while the boy had pressed himself to the corner, drinking his fire. His clothes were made of pigeons. They still had their twisted, broken and misshapen feet, and their heads with cracked beaks, all dangling like decorations. She winced and he smiled. “Sorry about this,” he said. “But to achieve your dreams, go through that door, not the others.”

She looked around but there were no other doors.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2010, 06:23:16 PM by Asia Kali Yusufzai »
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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Offline KittKat chunky~

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Re: My work
« Reply #33 on: September 09, 2010, 07:36:02 PM »
You are a brilliant writer Asia  :P

Incredibly vibrant and powerful with your descriptions and atmosphere, that short extract was a great read... Honestly, I myself cant find any faults with it, but thats just my lack of experience or skill... Hopefully you will post more of this because i really enjoyed it :)
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Re: My work
« Reply #34 on: September 09, 2010, 08:42:11 PM »
Sadly I don't think I'm able to post any more than I have. Considering the amount of work I'll be putting into this over the next year, this will be perfect material to advertise to publishers, so I might be able to put up the odd paragraph, but there wont be any sort of coherent story.

But thanks a lot for the praise. It's always good to think that my career choice is the right one to make.
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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Offline DatFox Coleo

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Re: My work
« Reply #35 on: September 09, 2010, 08:56:45 PM »
You are really good at writing ^_^

I made a 130 page book called 'Behind the Rifle'... There was a guy who wanted to give me 300 dollars for it, but some girl got jealous and burned the book, her reason? She said she 'has a demon inside of her'
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Re: My work
« Reply #36 on: September 09, 2010, 09:57:06 PM »
Okay then. There were some issues with word choice and comma use but these issues were very rare....... When I first read this all I could think was: what the? But then I read it again. And ding. I sort of got it. Still very WTF but a good WTF. No, a great WTF. My eyes were glued to my tiny flip open cell phone screen from start to finish in pure awe and wonderment of how anyone could think of that. An above excellent peice that was a very good way to spend to bus ride home. Great job.
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Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: My work
« Reply #37 on: September 09, 2010, 10:29:53 PM »
You are really good at writing

I made a 130 page book called 'Behind the Rifle'... There was a guy who wanted to give me 300 dollars for it, but some girl got jealous and burned the book, her reason? She said she 'has a demon inside of her'

Thanks :)

Also, when you ever make something you're proud. Make copies.

Quote
Okay then. There were some issues with word choice and comma use but these issues were very rare.......
Yeah I noticed them too, but then, it's a first draft :P

Quote
When I first read this all I could think was: what the? But then I read it again. And ding. I sort of got it. Still very WTF but a good WTF. No, a great WTF.
That's generally the response I get from people when I really let my imagination run away with itself, and thanks a lot :)

Quote
An above excellent peice that was a very good way to spend to bus ride home. Great job.
That's always great to hear, especially from good writers :D

There are a lot of emoticons in this post
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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Offline KittKat chunky~

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Re: My work
« Reply #38 on: September 10, 2010, 03:45:17 PM »
Emoticons = good, no?   :P


Anyway, if you post anything at all it would be awesome. I love reading your work because its so different from almost every other kind of writing ive ever read...

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It's always good to think that my career choice is the right one to make.

A very fine career choice indeed, your writing is unique  :)
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Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: My work
« Reply #39 on: September 10, 2010, 11:22:34 PM »
Thanks, but it's not really that unique. I found a book in the library called Silver Screen. I read it and instantly it came to my head, "This is how I write... this is how I've always WANTED to write." I mean yeah it was a flawed book, but it was imaginative, exciting, and it sounded like me.

But really, thanks. I'm throwing my life at this career :)
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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Re: My work
« Reply #40 on: September 10, 2010, 11:42:13 PM »
Well I say you have something great going for you. You have an eye for writing, so its an awesome career to give your heart to. I wish you all the luck I can...you may become my competition if we both go into fiction at the same time. :o
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Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: My work
« Reply #41 on: September 10, 2010, 11:47:33 PM »
May the best writer win  ^_^
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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Offline x

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Re: My work
« Reply #42 on: September 11, 2010, 12:03:50 AM »
On garde...lol. XP
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Re: My work
« Reply #43 on: September 19, 2010, 05:36:01 PM »
Omg I been meaning to get to this, for like forever, sorry about the late comments.

Ok at first I was confused, about if you actually meant to say that his hair, was actually inside his mouth, but I love how you did, it . I left me confused and curious, and then when you set it in a fiery blaze, I was stunned and dazzled, curse you for putting this up.... I want more D:<

Great as expected
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