HEP!! pwease Q.Q

[Sareen]

Okay so, this is nothing major but I really need some advice to help put my mind at ease, basically whats going on is,

Nearing the end of last month, I went out with a couple of people (Sean,Laura and Adam) who also know one of my friends (Dean). When I suggested that we invite Dean out with us, Adam and sean gave me really dirty looks, Laura looked at the guys really confused, when sean turned round and say some pretty nasty stuff about Dean, that if heard by the wrong people could get Dean into allot of trouble.
I know what was said isnt true, but the fact it was said and then both sean and adam looked at me, sean said and I quote ''We cant say much because 'someone' might go back and say something''...They meant me...So I feel scared to tell Dean what was said about him because if I tell him what was said, Adam, Sean and Laura will know it was me who said something to Dean and that will get me allot of agro which I really cant handle at the moment.

So I was wondering, if anyone has ever had this happen to them and how they managed to sort it out, if you havent been through this do you know anyone who has? or just know some good advice to give to me, because I feel really guilty for not saying anything to Dean, because I consider him almost like a brother to me.

[Ares the Ram]

first of all, *hugs Skree*

Second, while I've never been in such a position, maybe my way of analyzing things can help. there are two possible outcomes, you tell Dean or you dont. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle and write tell and dont tell on each side, so its split. proceed to write all the positive and negative outcomes of each one under them and be sure to mark them so you know which ones are which and dont leave out anything, no matter how unimportant it may seem. Once you think you have them all, weigh the options and do what you think is the better option.

Hopefully my advice helps you Skree.

[armagre]

no offense but your friends are kinda jerks
if they think that way about your friend dean (true or not) they dont have the right to not suggest to you not to go tell someone

I donno what they are saying and this changes things but, i wouldnt tell cause then you would just give them and excuse not to be friends with you and that will cause drama. I personally just wouldnt stick my nose in the whole thing. If they are willing to tell you as friends then they must have reasons not to tell you, who knows maybe you do slip up sometimes everyone in a while, causing them not to fully truest you with all the knowledge they know about Dean.
Like i said before, dont ask about it when you hang around your friends until you feel that its over then you can try to ask again. This way if some one does peep out the information (even if it wasnt you) you prevent yourself from being the automatic scape goat. Cause it sounds thats what they are trying to set you up as.
Just dont fall for it, i know you want to know about your friend, but just step back and watch the drama that your not apart of. Its more fun sometimes but in others it gives you a learning experience just to watch people/ your friends pick on each other.

no worries it will pass over (unless Dean is doing something REALLY unlawful or bad that the group really disproves of) then this depends on your friends

Hope this helped, if not oh well.
School is complicated and full of drama, the more you stay out of drama and just watch people, really the more you learn on how to control situations better (and if you get real good, you can control it with out your friends knowing)

[Blackfang1002]

Wow sounds like your talking about my "friends"

Truth be told (and this is just my experience) If theyre willing to say such nasty things about him behind his back then they are cowards. Not to mention whos to know what theyre saying about you when your not around.
I went through this same exact situation but I was the "Dean" in this situation. Eventually he will find out whether you tell him or not. The big question is what side will he see you on. Honestly you could play neutral but
then either party could see it as you dont care. You could cut your losses with either side and remain friends with one of the parties. Or you can tell him and hope that things will work out on both sides.
The situation on my end resulted in alot of internet slander and rude emails. It wasn't a nice ending to our friendships. Nasty rumors spread and this all happened because I wasnt aware of the situation so that I could
fix things and nip this in the bud. In the end the choice is yours and I wish you luck.  :'( Sorry this situation was forced upon you.

[Sareen]

first off I want to say thanks for the help everyone, its helped to ease the pressure abit.

A little more information that I dont know if Ive already mentioned, but the things being said about dean, COULD get him locked in jail if Sean,Adam and laura sprend it round. As I live on a small island, information gets around pretty quickly and occationally you will have people you dont know come up to you and tell you stories about yourself or your friends that you didnt even know, its impossible to keep secrets over here, Dean has already started to lose friends and receive harsh emails and texts about this and everyone refuses to tell him what he has supposedly done. I feel like I should tell him, but im worried as to what sean, adam and laura will do, they are much of friends to me anymore since they have now started to act funny and harshly towards me, when I havent seen any of the four since all this happened, they have also psychically threatened me if I tell anyone, so im stuck in the middle. Since what has been said is just way out of line and Dean is nothing of the sort.

[armagre]

well that changes alot knowing your in a small like i am..but on a island

ok well first off, stop being with your friends, you dont need thoughs kind of people around you... there dumb and will get you in trouble. (sorry just saying from what i watched other people do)
if your afraid to go up to them and tell them you 'no longer want to be friends', i would suggest that you just easily just stop hanging out with them so much and just slowly drift away. Maybe instead of being with them for a day, try a half a day for a bit... then a few hours...and so on, get it?

but if you want them as friends for reason i dont know, thats fine too. I was just putting options out there.

as for dean... hes getting threats about things he doesnt even know, correct? Like one day he was home minding his own buisness and now all of the sudden hes in trouble for nothing *just making sure i read it right*
cause if thats the case then woah nelly will this be a rats nets of stupidity.
9 times out of 10 if this is the case, some one got bored/jealous/mad/ or some other reason and started this madness. And because kids these days dont look into things much and go by what people said instead... dean is now in trouble to do 'roomers' taken as fact.

If you were his friend and he was getting(you to) threats of anything personal (let it be physical or any kind of threat) tell the police. I dont care if your afraid of your friends. There not your or deans friends of there doing that to you and should be reported and they be put in jail. That would set an example to the rest of the lil tard kids and it should stop...(this will only work because, if its anything like my town, word get around quick). Worst thing that could happen from it, is people will still do it but not as much and your friend will be mad but who cares, they were in the wrong. Your friends cant cook you and eat you so dont worry about them after this (if you do it)

If dean DID in fact do something that bad... people should still stop doing it... its stupid if you ask me, people dont have anything better to do with there time i guess. And if its that bad they SHOULD call the cops on him =/ im sorry
 
i wish you would say what dean did so we could help just a bit easier. But i know why you dont do it.
your afraid that your friends will read it, or some how find out anyway that you peeped, and you will get punished for it.

again i would stay away from your friends for a bit a week at lease (school cant be helped but talk as little as possible about the dean thing, talk about anything but that) Your friends are sounding dangerous... just watch them.  And if they ask why you are so quiet lately, simply tell them that "your trying to stay out of the whole 'dean' thing and you want nothing to do with it. You'd rather talk about '_________' instead"

man i type too much If you have YIM we could talk there if you wish.
the ideas i posted arnt fool proof these are just some thing i would do, you are working with people i cant see so i cant really judge what they will truly do.
i wish you luck!

[Sareen]

Thing is im not sure I can say what dean is being accused of on here, since this is a PG13 site, but what he is being accused of is far from the truth, he would NEVER do anything like that to anyone. Plus the police here are crap, they dont do anything for threats without evidence, if anything if I go to the police now I will be seen as wasting their time, and Im not getting in trouble. Its not that easy, No offence but your saying things you have seen, all I can say is everybody is different this would probably not work on Sean adam and laura. Plus I dont have to worry about them ever seeing this and I graduated from school last year, So I dont have to deal with this people at all in anyway, I have no evidence to prove what their saying is true or not, so Im stuck in the middle. This whole thing is frustrating the hell outta me because I have no evidence, no way to tell dean without getting beaten. So yeah.

[armagre]

 Its not that easy, No offence but your saying things you have seen, all I can say is everybody is different this would probably not work on Sean adam and laura.

Just giving advice. I know cops are lazy in some places. I told you i dont know the area at all so i cant really help much
oh well the dust will settle down eventually and people will forget.... how long this will take, i dont know.

good luck

[WingedZephyr]

Perhaps you could tell Sean, Laura, and Adam directly that you ARE going to tell Dean what was said, and then do so. Tell the three of them exactly why you feel obligated to tell Dean, and that it isn't fair of them to stick you in the middle of the drama, nor should they even think about threatening or harming you for it if they really are your friends. (How to deal with their threats depends heavily on the severity of threats they're making, however.)

But that way, you aren't going and telling Dean behind their backs, and Dean will still be able to find out what's going on. All you can do is try to be honest and reasonable with them and express that you're only doing what you feel is right.