I have never thought so deeply about the barriers I tend to set up to keep out many people I know could help me. They do not interest me and iI bore easily of their maddeningly useless attempts at feigning sympathy to my problems or my situation. They are a constant annoyance and most of the time I leave before I must react in my usual way; screaming and ripping out my hair unsubstantial. I also tire of the games played to trick me into revealing my bizarre thought processes and I must say, it is a nuisance I would prefer not to bother with.
Alas, my sanity is slipping, as it must always when I need it most. These friends of mine, if they can be called such, are nothing more than my lonely attempts at normalcy. I just seem to not really need them around all that often... and it saddens me to realize they weren't really there for me to begin with. I have become a ghost of my former self; haunting the hallways of my youth, revisiting the sins I committed with still no explanation as to why, and generally making myself miserable on a daily/hourly basis. This chain of sorrow and hurtful resent is quite hard to break, I assure you...
My motives for action is this; I am no longer able to hide behind my cold facade, I must retreat to where I am safest and immunize myself to the tricks and take baby steps until I am assured I have done everything in my power to ready myself for the coming fallout, the world's reaction to my silly games. This boy I am infatuated with is my only weakness and for the sake of keeping secrets just that, I will refrain from saying his name or any of the names that belong to our associates. Everything I have worked so hard to protect is being left out in the open. I am beginning to understand why so many of the older artists preferred the solitude; this constant need for help from the madness is sickeningly familiar and I fear I will do something irreversible.
..... Recovering files 459218C, 6839241a for reconstruction. Continue? Y/N
Y
Downloading.....
....
Error occurred. Download aborted. Keysearch other data Y/N?
N
Aborting....
...
Mission aborted. Program detonate.
The files I wish to show you, the words I wish to share are corrupted, it seems. I must return to my archaic ways and site them by mouth....
