Hello all ^^ I have here today some of my writings(taken off my facebook account) so that i can show you, just how inifinately random my mind really is.
Writing number 1 - entitled, Randomness Disease
There comes a time in everyone's life, where they have an uncontrollable urge to just do whatever, no matter how odd it is. This mysterious affliction is called Randomness Disease, or RD. RD is usually characterised by a sudden change in behavioural habits, for instance, suddenly shouting the word 'banana' for no apparent reason, or quoting the rejected cartoon series. There is no current cure for RD and it is best to just let it run it's course. If you or someone you love has RD, be sure to have patience with them, they will be back to normal before you know it.
This message has been brought to you by the National RD association.
Writing number 2 - entitled, Rabid Cheeseburgers
Behold, the greatest threat to mankind...the CHEESEBURGER. Watch as it stares at a common Human goer, enticing them with it's meaty eyes, it's savory curves, and its delicious buns. The Human takes notice of the tricky burger and approaches it, little does he know that the burger hides a terrible secret, within its tender form, there is something so terrible, so horrifying, that I can't even bring myself to speak about it. adfwefdsfregr
sorry about that, the person writing this refused to write the rest so I had to kill them, I'll get someone else to continue.
The secret is Rabies, yes, all hamburgers, especially the cheese variety, are rabid, and once ingested will obviously pass the rabies on, duh! but in all seriousness, this is a very real threat, we must stand up to the rabid cheeseburgers! join me, and let us strike at them with lethal force! today is the day of the human! tomorrow is the day that we end the tyranny of theasfdgfagsgadfg
Damn it, you just can't find good help nowadays, sorry about that, the last guy was one of them religious zealots, don't worry he's dead now. I'll finish this bulletin myself.
oh (to heck with this*), just have a nice day, I'm off to mcdonalds for a McChicken burger
* I just modified it as I wasn't sure if I could say what was originally in my story
writing number 3 - entitled, Apples
So i was eating an apple, and while I was eating it i realised how horrible i was being to it. I mean, how would I like it if my apple took a bite out of me? well I daresay I wouldn't be very happy at all, so I took that apple out of my mouth, looked it straight in the eyes and said "I'm sorry Mr apple, but im hungry so you have to die now" and then I ate it. Unfortunately the other fruits and vegetables didn't take too kindly to this and they began attacking me with reckless abandon, I barely had time to react, there were far too many. All of a sudden a banana pulled out a rocket launcher and said "you are a blueberry!" and fired a rocket at me. luckily the rocket was just a grape so i ate it. still, i was perplexed, whatever did this banana mean, surely i was a human, not a blueberry. I ran to the mirror, phew, sure enough i was still human, I turned around to laugh at the banana when i saw it, a giant watermelon, nearly the size of texas. I shook my fist at it, "curse you evil watermelon" I shouted as I grabbed a blender and threw it at the fruits. "Tonight, I dine, on SMOOTHIE!" and the fruits died, and I made a smoothie out of them.
The End
Writing number 4 - Entitled, Hummingbird Overlords
It has come to my attention, that some people doubt the infinate power that is held within one of the tiniest animals around, the Hummingbird. Now at a glance, I wouldn't blame you for thinking that these tiny and seemingly insignificant creatures are capable of anything but looking pretty, BUT you would be dead wrong. Inside each and every one of these pretty birds, is an evil power, far more evil than in any other evil power ever known, this evil power is known as Hummingdeth power.
To witness this power in action, I ventured out into the canadian wilderness in search of a hummingbird, and once I found one, I gave it food after midnight(because that's what triggers evil transformations and such, don't you watch movies?) and sure enough, the Hummingbird.....did nothing, wait...what??? that can't be right, all those years of hypothesis and research, and it turns out that hummingbirds really are just harmless little pretty birds, well I guess I'll return my findings to the-
'the writing ends here as the researcher was apparently devoured by a large feathered creature whilst his back was turned'
Writing number 5 - entitled, Woodland Adventure
HELLO I am going to tell you ALL a tale about two people.
One day two people were in their house, eatin' some graham crackers, when one of them (we'll call him joe) says to his friend (we'll call him Bob) "hey Bob let's go on an adventure" and Bob said "yea, a woodland adventure". and so they wwent off into the woodland, and adventured and battled evil goblins and such, and even gained some exp until they reached a waterfall. "oh MY god" joe said as he saw a fish in the water "what is it, and why isnt it FURRY, isnt this the woods?" Bob asked, "why yes it is, and now I must eat you" yelled the fish, "wait! can't we be FRIENDS?" joe asked the fish, "No." the fish said and it ate them.
The moral of the story is...dont have a woodland adventure and try to be friends with a fish, because that fish will eat you and you probably didnt pick up the extra life that was hidden behind your house now did you? didn't think so...
(why do all my notes have to do with something getting eaten?)
(lets see if anyone can find the secret message in this writing eh? (writing number 5))
writing number 6 - entitled, Demands
Once upon a yesterday morning, a young boy was tending the fields, but this story isn't about him, so I'll send the pirates (who are better than ninjas) to destroy him, and eat the corn he was growing because his dad owes me money....anyways... where was I? oh yes, yesterday morning I woke up from the most wonderful dream, in that dream I was a super cool action movie hero boy, walking in slo-mo, with everything glowing, and blowing to bits right behind me! anyways, when i woke up from that dream, I realised that I wasn't a super cool action movie hero boy walking in slo-mo with everything glowing and blowing to bits right behind me, heck, I wasn't even super, or even A...anyways I'm not sure what this story has to do with Demands, because I just told my mom to give me an idea, and all she did was tell me to go get some bread from the freezer and I thought that was pretty demanding so I called it demands....ummm this isn't even a story....crud, oh well, it still has pirates in it and that makes it awesome ^^
pirates are better.
Writing number 7- entitled, Easy as 1...2...ummmm what comes after 2?
So there I was, standing in the heart of my kitchen, staring at my prey. my prey however was just kinda sitting there, as it was just leftover chicken breast i was gonna put on my sandwich. suddenly, a giant alien ufo crashed into my house, and an alien stepped out of it, "give me back my great and mighty chicken breast" it shouted, waving its arms for no apparent reason. "never!" i shouted back and pulled out a lightsaber, "oh but first let me change the batteries in my lightsaber" i said sheepishly, and began foraging around for batteries. upon finding no batteries I turned to the newcomer, "umm do you have two AA batteries by any chance?" I asked him/her/it "well yea I guess just once second" he/she/it replied and went into the ship, it emerged a short time later and handed me the batteries which i promptly put in my lightsaber. "thanks" i said and then cut him/her/it in half.
moral of the story...dont mess with my food
writing number 8- entitled, Gators 'n da swamp
As I sit here and think of what to write, I can't help but wonder, how many gators do those old men that live in the swamps and play banjos have as pets, well the answer is 11, but how did those old men get the gators? well they imported them from uranus you see, uranus is actually a wildlife preservation and exotic pet store at the same time, why I once bought a unicorn there, it was a very nice unicorn, except it impaled my cows so I couldn't have any milk, it was lactose intolerant you see. anyways, now you see, just what exhaustion will do to me, well at least i HOPE you do, because I don't, to me, this is all perfectly normal, my mom said I should sit down and write an actual story, but I think this is much more fun ^^
Writing number 9 - entitled, Im Super Serial
Ok, so today, I was just innocently minding my own business, walking down the middle of the road as usual when this giant demon comes running down the road and nearly hits me! ya I know right? what a jerk, so anyway I yell at him "hey buddy! what the heck!" and he's all like "SILENCE MORTAL, I SHALL SEE YOU BURN FOR THIS" and me, being the super tough guy I am walked right up and punched him in the nose....unfortunately for me, he was the three year champion of the UFC (underworld fighting challenge) and he took my soul and put it on his fireplace. So now Im going to hire some pirates (who are better than ninjas) to steal it back so I just have to sit and wait ^^
(No Demons were harmed in the making of this story)
writing number 10(woot number 10!) - entitled, Silly Monkeys
Lo and behold I have discovered the cure of monotony, all it takes is two monkeys, one to dance, and one to sing, and those two combined will create the answer to not only monotony, but world hunger, war and even Banjo Kazooie. the only problem is, that most monkeys don't seem to be able to sing very well, and the ones that can, charge far too much...I'm not made of money you know, actually, Im glad im not made of money, that would be quite unpleasant...people always trying to spend you and what not, also the government would try to take a percentage of you away every paycheck O_O
umm i think im done with this one today
Writing number 11 (more of a rantish type one) - entitled, Super Powers
So, I've been thinking of alot of random stuff lately, and one thing that keeps popping into my head, is what super power I would have if I could choose anyone. Now, this is actually a rather difficult question as there are so many possibilites, but I think I have found the perfect one. Shapeshifting, think of it, being able to turn into anything you want, whenever you want? I think that's pretty darn awesome. So...ya that's what my superpower would be.
ummmmmm yea
this wasn't really a story either
oh well next one will be, I promise (for those that actually read these things)
writing number 12- entitled, Pirates VS Ninjas
So...alot of people have been asking me, "Jesse, why do you think pirates are better than ninjas?" well, this little story will answer your question...
Once upon a time There was a pirate named Frank (I use the name Frank because I can't think of a better name) and a Ninja named Bill (Ditto). One day, Frank and Bill went to the park to play on the teeter-totters, but Bill got rowdy and punched Frank in the nose. Now as you can imagine, Frank was rather displeased with this, and so he punched Bill in the nose back. Now, with both of our heroes having bloody noses, they were forced to run home and get kleenex for their noses...umm actually I kinda forgot where I was going with this.....ok long story short, ninjas cant dodge bullets, well neither can pirates but ninjas dont use guns...pirates do...you do the math, I would but Im extremely bad at math and I'd probably forget to carry the one or something.
Ciao
Writing number 13(rant) - entitled, Writers Block
Well as the title of this 'not quite a story' story implies, I can't think of anything to write about. So instead of not writing anything, I'll just write this 'not quite a story' story telling you all about it. It all started about five or ten minutes ago, and I just couldn't think of what to write, and then it hit me, I'll just write....this! And so immediately I got to work and here it is! A complete waste of time? yes...yes it is, but you know what? It's MY waste of time
Until next time...
I will update more as I write them enjoy ^^
Topic: Some of my very random writings (Read 2477 times)