The Prolgue of a new story and first chapter

[Bueller]

Introduction of the Anthro races



         First lets explain the origin of the anthro races, first there is the Fox, cunning and known as the trickster. Then there is the Bear, whose  great strength overpowered many. The Wolf, feared by all as a cunning and ruthless adversary. The Otter whose playfulness and charity was its only good reputation, as they never fought unless pushed. The Lion, looked up to by all and always standing for good. The Squirrel whose hyper active good nature was either liked or peeved.

    Besides the already described species there are many, many, more, the Hyena, Rhino, Husky, and the much hated and despised sort.

     Most anthros stick up for each other. Some ignore each other and move along. Then there are the Vermin. The Vermin include many species. The Weasel, the Badger, the Rat, the Stoat, the Toad, and the vile Lynx. Many of The Vermin can’t be included since there are so many. And some that are included as The Vermin aren’t really vermin. The Vermin include the naturally bad natured anthros and such are The Vermin.


The First Day of Travel



   Toby looked the around the barren train station. Shivering violently, he opened his hand to see his now crumpled train ticket. Pulling his heavily furred coat’s hood closer around his face, he looked at his breath coming off his lips like the very breath of death. The train was late.

   Toby knew the train would be late. The snow had caused the rails to freeze over and the trains had to move at a slower pace in order to keep from being de-railed. Being late December the snows would only be getting worse. Just like his father’s drunkenness, which is why he left, or a part of it.

   He closed his eyes and thought of his left family. He only worried about his sister, the only other anthro in his family since his grandparents died. Being a wolf he never cried, but he worried. He worried about how his little sister would be treated. He wish he could have brought her, but that wasn’t an option.

    Breaking his thought, he heard the squeal of the trains wheels on the icy rails grinding to a halt. Twitching his ears at the horrid screeching he pulled out his ticket and walked up to the train. His padded feet leaving his unique prints in the snow as if saying you will never walk this path again boy, move along, before you think twice, move along before you regret this.

   
     The train stopped in front of him and opened its doors warmly. The man at the sliding doors smiling as if ready to get off and go home, took his ticket and hurried Toby along ready to get going again before the doors froze in place, before he was froze in place.

    Moving in and out of the way Toby looked around to see if anyone else was on the train. There was a little girl. She seemed she was napping laying along the cold metal bench. He sighed sitting down. He wished that he would be alone on the train, but the horrid weather hadn’t quite done its job.
   
    “I wonder who she is?”, Toby wondered out loud.
 
The girl woke up and stretched, yawning loudly and looked around seeing Toby she looked away and sat up.

   Toby got up and walked over to her holding his hand out to her he said “Nice too meet you , I am Toby!”

   She shied away and her hood fell and Toby thought he saw rabbit ears. She gasped and pulled her hood up and looked away again.

   He pulled his hand away quickly hoping she didn’t noticed it outreached.

   She looked to him and grinned sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone I knew”

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“No”, Toby cut in, “I’m sorry, I thought you…...”
 

   Toby looked away and they fell silent. He didn’t really have any real social experiences with girls much less anthros. He felt stupid like he done something out of place.

  They stopped talking for an unknown amount of time and after a while Toby looked out the window and realized how much time must have passed. He could no longer see the city and the buildings, Now he could only see frost covered fields and ice covered trees. As he peered outside he felt the girl gaze along the back of his head.

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s ok, I am not mad or anything”, the girl whispered. “I understand how awkward it is talking to others when you look like this”

   She pointed to her ears then stood up and showed a little puffed tail coming out of her pants. She grinned and blushed showing a mix of emotions, pulling her hooded coat back down to hide the tail as she sat down.

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wow, I never thought that you would react like that”, Toby said catching his breath.


   She paused for a second then grinned really big. “ I thought you were my friend from home for a second…..”

  She trailed off and looked really thoughtful. Rubbing her hands together she took a deep breath and Toby couldn’t help but noticed her delicate smooth skin as he looked at her.


   Ã¢â‚¬Å“How stupid can I get?”, Toby thought to himself. “I don’t even know her…..”


   Ã¢â‚¬Å“S-so where are you heading to?” The girl said shifting her eyes to Toby.

   Toby really didn’t know where he was going much less than what he was going to eat or where he was going to sleep or stay. He was scared and she saw it in his eyes. His fear of the unknown? Or the fear that he wouldn’t see someone again? Maybe the fear of never seeing home again, but whatever it was Toby was scared and she could see.
   

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, I’m not quite sure…..I thought maybe I could head to Pena…..but I am not sure….”, Toby said thoughtfully.

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“Pena?!”, The girl gasped. “I wouldn’t go there….I heard it has been going downhill…”
   
   Ã¢â‚¬Å“You sure?”
 
   Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, the officers haven’t been able to control the rebel anthros so it has been getting out of hand..”

  “Really? That was the only place I even thought about going.”

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, What are you going to do now?”

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“ I don’t know now…..”

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, what about  you stick with me?”, the girl said looking at him intensely. “I plan on going to the rebel camp”.

  Toby gasped, “ The rebel’s camp? You know where that is?”

 Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, my older brother ran for it a few years ago and I want to see if I can find him….”


   Toby paused then said, “What’s your name?”

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“….Kit.”, She said hesitantly. “My name is Kit.”

    “Well Kit…Do you mind if I go with you?”


    She paused again as if thinking it over. She took a deep breath the said, “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything..”

 Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why? It’s not like I have anywhere else to go….”, Toby blurted.

  “Not just anyone can know about the rebel camp….”

  “But I am not just anyone..”
 
  “Then who are you?”

  “I already told you I am Toby!”

   Ã¢â‚¬Å“And?”
 
 Ã¢â‚¬Å“And what?”

 Ã¢â‚¬Å“…Sorry…I guess I am just nervous…..”, Kit said softly.

 They paused again as Toby looked outside realizing that it had turned from evening to tar black night. Shivering as he saw his reflection in the window he started to feel drowsy.

“I am getting tired…..”, Toby said bluntly.

  He pushed himself up and walked to the rest car. Looking back he sighed and noticed Kit wasn’t even paying attention to him.

 Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey Kit?”, Toby asked tentatively.
  Kit looked towards Toby and sighed, “What Toby?”

  “Will you wake me up before you get off?”

  “Sure”, Kit grinned and paused. “Goodnight Toby.”

   Toby grinned back and entered the rest car. He found a comfortable looking bunk and sighed struggling to take off his shoes and climb into the bed. Looking up at the bottom of the upper bunk Toby smiled, He found a friend when he thought all was lost. Toby fell asleep with a smile on his face that night.

[Dr. Strange]

Very nice, Elk. Keep going!

[Somebody]

I like it really, its unique and interesting to read. reminds me of a Jap anime for some reason but thats all the better

[Devault]

Not bad, not bad, I like it so far. Remember, this is just my little critique, but it seems a little dialogue heavy near the end, so maybe thrown in some actions that they're doing while they talk to break the chain of quotes?

Remember, if I'm bothering to critique, that means I like it a lot, and if I can only find one thing I'd change... Well, Consider this a job well done

[Bueller]

I have actually redone a bit of it and took away the prologue since I decided it would be best to implement it in my stroy as it advances, I have wrote 4 more chapters but decided not post anymore until I get enough of it revised and a little more strong in supporting the characters personalitys

[Devault]

Alrighty, whatever works for you ^^ I've rewritten Raven's Hollow a few times since I started it 5 months ago, so take your time with it ^^

[Bueller]

Hmmm, I should read it...But I only have 3 minutes left of class....Argh!

[Devault]

Doing this during class? Bad dog...
Well, good luck working on it ^^