Not a negative rant of sorts, just something that I have on my mind and thought might be helpful to any who read it.
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Recently, I've been feeling more chipper than usual. Getting out of bed isn't as hard as it used to be, people seem friendlier and more willing to talk to me, the rain hasn't been bothering me as much as usual and colours just seem a little brighter. I can look in the mirror and see myself smiling back instead of all of my glaring flaws.
How is this possible? I've been struggling with my self image for as long as I can remember, from when I was a fat little kid in the playground to the half awkward not-really-an-adult I am today.
The answer is simple.
Instead of wallowing in my misery, I decided to get up and do something about it. 'I look fat', I'd say to myself, 'My skin is uneven, I bore the socks off everyone I speak to and I've been wearing the same clothes for years.' So I slowly changed myself, one bit at a time. I dyed my hair, paid attention to what I ate, bought a few makeup sticks and threw out the clothes that I never wore anymore.
By putting a little effort into caring for myself everyday, I finally felt like I was worth something as a person, that I was worth more than just my grades in college. With every kilo I lost I was inspired to try to wear something I would normally never have the confidence to pull off, with every perfect eyeliner flick I would look more people in the eyes and smile, and every time I caught my gaze in a reflective surface I told myself I looked great.
It might not sound like I did much, and the truth is that I didn't do much at all. By identifying some of my core worries and insecurities I could work on them a little at a time, at my own pace, to my liking. Self love is a hell of a thing, and you can never underestimate the joy that something as simple as a different hair colour or new bra can bring.
My circumstances, didn't change, neither did the people around me. My outlook did. By improving myself, I became happier and people are more willing to be with me as a result.
Like attracts like! I know it is hard trying to change, or to care for yourself when you feel so little. But one improvement starts a chain reaction, and you too can be happier.
Change yourself before you can change the world, be the change that you want to see.
