I feel bother-some.

[juliet]

I'm always coming on this board for advice, as not many people have... my mind set I guess, and think irrationally. Well, the people I know think irrationally.


I need love advice. Typically I give the love advice, but never have really, felt the strong emotion everyone calls "love," I'm not sure what to do anymore...

There is someone in my life who is very important to me and he isn't far away either. However there are many obstacles with this, both of us are 100% rational, however... I am impulsive. I say things that he restrains and keep under wraps, and while I flow like a leaf in the stream of life, he swims angrily against the current, and tries to plan everything. We are so different, but go together so well. He's also nine years older than me, and this is where the problem lies. I can't see him, except for through a computer screen. Which I am fine with. If I go too long without seeing his face, I cry and get exceedingly depressed. I try to stay happy and distract myself.

It's not fair, I don't want to feel this way, and I don't want to love him. I'm not even sexually attracted to him! I can't even imagine doing anything like that with him. That isn't to say he isn't physically attractive to me, because he is. I just can't imagine us doing anything more than cuddling and playing games together. Talking to him makes me feel safe and relaxed.

I talk to him twice every day on the phone, once before I go to school/ in the early morning, and after dinner. When he worked I would stay awake all evening just to greet him as soon as he got home, then we would both pass out on a Skype call together. I'd always wake up first, and greet him when he finally woke up as well.

I've known this man for three years, that's longer than I've really had any friends. He's always been there and I've always cared for him differently than anyone else, because he is different.

I can't stand that I can even think like this. I'm only 15. I just turned 15. He's always known my age, from the day he met me. Yet somehow this seemed inevitable, like it had to happen and we couldn't stop it. I tried to avoid it for so long... Then he confessed to me and I can't hold it in anymore. He's only said "I like you" because he's afraid, he's afraid of me being like other girls. He's let me in to his titanium shield that I somehow melted. He's careful, and he's never sexual. He's kind, and unlike other people, I can make him smile, and laugh. Even make him chuckle.

He makes me indescribably happy, just hearing his voice. But without his voice, or his face, I am the complete opposite and I feel too dependent on him, too clingy. I'm not sure how he feels in that sense, but I do know he is used to talking to me everyday, and we haven't been. By talking, I mean Skyping. He's admitted to missing it, but the fact that he's been alone, much longer than me... Makes him less vulnerable to these emotions.

Why do I have to feel like this? Is it my hormones? A natural animalistic attraction? Why do I feel like this?

[Snow Kittie]

What we have here is an example of a great friendship that could last through what others can not, this could very well be a long lasting friendship. You have found someone that can pull you back up after falling down, a friend that everyone needs but only a few are lucky enough to have. It seems, however, that you are also looking for love. You WANT to have something more, someone to say you are in love with, and you are confusing this with the relationship between your best guy-friend. Even though he may calm you, understand you, and be there for you does not mean that he is or must be your boyfriend, and I would advise you to keep it at a healthy friendship, for going further could bring troubles that end up creating distance between you two.


He is a part of your life, and it sounds like he is a great part of it. But he is not your life in its entirety, only a portion. There needs to be a healthy distance between you two, and I'm fearing that this may be something that is missing right now. You should be able to go a day without talking to him, say the night before that you will be busy and text him the next night about your day and all the good times you had. As with any other friend the chats should vary as well as how often and when you chat. The same routine, and the same people, may become redundant with time.


Right now you have made him the priority and the base of your day and your life. He need to instead be only a part of your life, sending a good morning text when you wake up and then moving on with life, almost forgetting you sent it until he replies is the healthy relationship you need to create. You should not be waking up and hounding your phone for his call, focusing all of your mind on this morning routine. While you do this, others in your life are less important to you and experiences are being missed out on. Your friendship will be much happier and less stressful if you live these experiences and share them with him instead of neglecting them because you are only with him.

Balance your time with him and your other friends. Because your other friends are in person, tangible, and able to go places and do things, they should get more time with you than he does. This is because they can go to the mall or the movies with you, while he can only hear about these things and how much fun you had. You should be able to have conversations where he is not brought up, and times when he is not on your mind. Once you have your emotions, your thoughts, and your day back under your control and not dependent on him, there will be more to share with him - more experiences that were only in the background before.

 Affection and connection is not measured on time, however. You can have a stronger bond with him than other friends and still give less time of your day to him. Keeping the strong friendship does not require you to give up all the time you have to live your life. There is happiness in the real world that a screen simply can not replicate. You can have both the happiness with him and the happiness in the real world, it is NOT an either or -  a mistake I made without even realizing it.