Why date a bisexual if it makes you uncomfortable?

[Bubblegum]

Writing is one of my favorite things. I’ve been working on a story about young female-female relationships, and since I usually bounce ideas off of my boyfriend I brought the draft to him.
 
I’m bisexual. I have been since I was very young. I brought up some of the feelings I had about what was expected of me when I was a teen when it came to social pressures and stereotypes, and I discovered that talking about myself and other women makes my boyfriend extremely uncomfortable.
 
Keep in mind it was completely nonsexual and nonromantic – no talk of my personal feelings and fantasies towards any women. He doesn’t know why, but it makes him highly anxious, jealous, and insecure. Just flat-out can't stand hearing about it, never has been able to, and just never thought much about it until we talked tonight.
 
We’ve been together for 9 months and he knew before we were a couple that I’m bisexual. This was never an unknown factor.
 
He says that what he’s feeling isn’t a rational response, that he wouldn’t feel the same about men even if I talked about relationships with them, and doesn’t feel as though I’m going to leave him for a woman. He doesn’t understand why it hurts me so much that he has such visceral, negative feelings about a basic trait because my “orientation doesn’t define me,” like it’s the same thing as him having a strong negative reaction towards my hair or eye color (hint: avoid relationships with girls whose hair color makes you intensely upset, too).
 
Duh, my orientation doesn't define me. It affects my interpersonal interactions on a fundamental level, though, and he loathes it.
 
If it makes him uncomfortable, why did he take me in the first place? Did he think it was just a cute little joke that I’d get over eventually? Did he think we’d just keep it swept under a rug forever and he could pretend to have a normal girlfriend? Not that I talk to anyone I'm seeing about others in the first place, but am I supposed to pretend to be heterosexual? He was astonished that I've liked men who like men and didn't have any negative response to it whatsoever.

What kind of idiot am I that I go on for 9 months thinking he's wonderful, sensitive, and tolerant? I'm not qualified to work with children, let alone troubled children and teens. I know nothing about people.
 
We’re not currently speaking…

[JollyGreenFox]

That seems mess up on his part, but some people just don't understand anything like that because it's different or they have a low self confidence about them selves to keep you happy and content with him, Like me with my mate she knows i'm bi and I've even told her "Hey that guy looks cute" or "Hey, look at his butt" But she has an over abundance of self confidence...wish she would give me some but i'm working on gaining some anyway some people are going to get like that if they have had a bad relationship before or the though of not being able to be the "Man" that you look toward and some guy believe women can please women better just because they are women....ummmm trying to think of another way to put it so it's not offensive....AH Say you are mad with something a guy did....well most men tend to think another women would go "OH im sorry i didn't know you didn't want me to do that" or something around there....if it were me i would be okay if my mate was Bi and saw another women because my chances of her leaving me are slim only because i work so hard to present myself as a gentle man and i apparently have Chivalry....most guys worry...all i do is see it as something some people want to do and try...sorry if this seems like pointless rambling.....and i maybe wrong but this is just my opinion.

[Growlithe]

I'm still not clear on why it has to be a large matter to either of you. If he has an issue with it, you should be tolerant of that as well. It's not as though he's going out and trying to pick people out of a crowd or anything of that nature. He just doesn't appreciate the tastes of some people. I think there's a difference between being intolerant and (nervous of/scared of/not happy around) a group of people. I mean, I've been with people that have had habits that don't make me happy, but I don't let that stand between me and them. It's a thing I'd suggest letting chip away over time. There may be a deep history to why he has this tendency; I do find it illogical of him. You stated he does as well, so it is a possible solution; it could just be his social upraising or something of that nature. One should view this from his perspective as well, and I understand how upsetting it is taht he knew beforehand, but that's in the past now.


 I think trying to look from where he's coming from would be a great place to start on a resolution.




Also, the post below mine has a really good point; I am the same way.

[WolvenDogma]

Well, to me it sounds like he doesn't like the thought of losing you, I personally feel the same thing in relationships. When my mate talks about other people who could potentially be a love interest. I lose it, I think it comes from my insecurity due to past relationships, trust issues and such. If he's feeling the way I think he is then I undertand where he's coming from. Problems like this are difficult to get through but I really hope you two figure it out. Much luck