A little problem I've got...

[Rocoro T. Pup]

Wanted to re-post this since I accidentally put it in the wrong thread and it won't let me remove it. Hope the admins don't go bonkers over the mistake. Sorry guys. I got fat fingers.
So I knew a bunch of friends who I just grew envious over and jealous of their lives. When I get stressed out or enraged, I unload on these people, often criticizing them, berating them, shunning them, etc. It only takes one wrong thing to make me go over the edge. Then I just bounce and don't talk to them. I think I do it out of attention and certainly not through intentions because when I feel fine I often regret doing shit like that and I'm all "shit what did I do?" I just lose my cool and call them out on nothing and then throw a hissy-fit. It feels good at the time... Any thoughts?

[anoni]

I think this goes along with some other problems you have with impulse (Like that spending thing). It's kind of hard to say unfortunately, because there's ways you can fix it but your mind might be so warped you don't remember those ways. Generally, what you should do in situations like that is to slow down, close your eyes and count to 10, taking deep breathes while doing so, it will give you time to think and you'll feel a bit better and have a bit more control over your actions. The problem is remembering to count to ten, you need to somehow have this reminder, say, whenever you type the word "**censor**" close your eyes and count to 10, even if it's not insulting anyone, maybe that'll help you associate the word "**censor**" with closing your eyes and counting to 10?

[anoni]

Just a suggestion, and I did say it was hard

[Armalite_]

Bro, you need to chill out.


It's not your friend's fault you're jelly of their lives. If you keep acting like this often around your buddies, I can't say for sure whether they'd want to keep hanging out with you. I and my friends don't tolerate any of that crap because it brings unneeded drama and stupidity to the table which we don't want. We only want chill vibes not heinous ones.


You sound like me before I started smoking. Not to say that it something you should do, but I know exactly what you mean by friends getting it easier than me and knowing how it feels. It's easy to get jelly about something like that but in the long run, but why do we make our friend's status a priority to get upset about instead of what we need to do/get done on our own?


We can't wallow in self-misery and pity only to take it out on the people we're supposed to get along with the most. If you have a problem with your friends, find new ones or learn to accept your friends for what they are even if they're more well off than you.


I've had friends of every kind, some poor, some rich, some good, and some awful. A lot of them I could see would kill to have life I did. The rich guys I chill with I also envy but take joy in the fact I can call them my friend because it's not about what they have or what they're capable of, its about them accepting you for who you are and being there for you when you need them most. They expect the same NOT complaints, hissy-fits, and a reason to stay away from you.


It's hard when you're stressed and angry to deal with, but understand it's not their fault/their problem. You'll have to find a way to deal with stress better. Go shooting at the range, play music, eat something, grab a drink, or even chew on some gum. I found these things to be good alternatives to smoking whenever I was stressed and wanted to kill something.

[Rocoro T. Pup]

So why not just break up with these friends and just tell them why I don't want to hang anymore? It's as easy as a "**censor** off" if you don't care about the repercussions afterwards. But thanks for the follow-up. I actually have started smoking, but only a bit. I had one on my walk here (I'm in the city library). I just know a lot of people who really turned out to be assholes, whether it be just in one moment out of the blue or during a long period of time.

[WingedZephyr]

Just because our personalities make us inclined to act one way or another doesn't mean that it controls us, defines us, or means we can't change. It's one thing to recognize your own personality flaws, it's another thing entirely to actively want and try to change your own behavior and reactions. If you're happy the way you are, you might be just fine saying "it's just how I am, people around me will just have to deal with it." If you're not happy about it, and you're the cause of your own unhappiness, it's your responsibility to take the necessary steps to alter your behavior for your own sake.

Taking steps to decrease anger or impulsiveness, like counting to ten as Anoni said, do work, but they do not take effect immediately, and you would need to understand and be okay with that. The idea is that, with enough practice and repetition, you will be able to stop and think before you speak or act. Your thoughts and behaviors are not set in stone, and you can condition yourself to learn new ways of processing your thoughts and actions.

If you're not interested in making any effort to change, there isn't much point in asking for advice.

[BakaFawkes]

Woo hoo! two years of psychology are about to pay off! Anyway, you are officially stuck in what is called a negative behavior cycle. You start in the usual state, everything seems okay on the surface, blah. Then, problem occurs, let's say your friends are selected to do something you deserved more than them. That would get you pretty upset, right? Okay, this is where thinking errors set in, the Cognitive Distortions. "Poor Me"  is the one that fits most. Now, this next step is the planning stage, which for you (as you've been through this multiple times, correct?) can be instantaneous as you think "I'm going to curse him/her out". So, then you carry out the action, as you described before, almost concluding the cycle. Now, you've got the Negative Consequences, less trust of, and from, your friends is an example. After that, you calm down and are back to your Usual State.
 

[Rocoro T. Pup]

Damn Zepher that was pretty cold.


The way I put it I'm not in charge of my happiness, but I'm obligated to have it since my unhappiness comes with me staying with my family with a roof over my head, having a stressful but well paying job and shit. I also deal with people I choose to be around with and ask advice from.


And thanks for that intelligent reply Fawkes. Probably the best yet. the way you explained it fit perfectly into what happened. Almost on the dot. I am still facing withdrawal from the Cognitive and Negative stages. But what do I know; I failed Psychology hard.




I guess I just like the attention. When I'm pissed off, that what I crave. I already apologized to these guys, but the lack of a response is what has me fuming. Read that last part again.

[BakaFawkes]

I did some heavy internship with a group home caseworker. Trust me, that's an easy fix problem compared to some of the things I've seen. Believe it or not, I've read the DSM-IV and have total understanding all of that brain stuff. By the way, that message was supposed to be longer, but my laptop is touch screen and I must've poked it somehow. I was just going to add that I've done a lot of work on things like this, and we're already buddies, so just PM me any psych-style questions.
 
Can you believe I'm only 17 and 11/12ths?

[Rocoro T. Pup]

Thanks. No I can't believe your that old wow. Keep at it see if you can get a major in that

[BakaFawkes]

pfffft, heck no. There's no money psychology. That social worker has a master's and is making less than my grandmother that loads bags for the airlines.