am i a victim or a whiner...?

[Kaprika]

i have this constant internal battle about my handicapedness.. (not even sure if there is a plural word for that)

some days i dont think about it..other days im swimming in depression with it.
everyone knows..that when theyre old, they will eventualy loose certain things..get weaker, more dependant on others. but nobody ever thinks it would happen to them
so soon...say..19?
i feel like i wasted the time i had..that i never really appreciated it till now when its too late...and im 22 and thinking about saving up for a wheelchair...

i dont really talk to my mate about my feelings on it alot...whenever he asks i just beg him to let it be.
partialy cause i dont want to have to say it out loud..and partialy cause i know there is nothing he can do for me physicaly or emotionaly....
well...today we sorta talked a little about it..and he said those words that i SO HATE to hear....
"just think about all the things you do have"
...its that catchphrase of a person thats got everything they could ever want.

i know he is trying to help me..but all it does is enforce the realization that nobody i could talk to TRUELY understands.
when your in true pain..you take no comfort in "what you do have"
...here i was last night having to stay on the sofa last night cause i didnt have the strength to make it to my own bed....and he wants me to think about good shit..?

i dont know...i never talk about these things cause half the time im just so depressed...and the other half feels "oh, im just bitchin and moanin..i should just can it"
cause im sure people are sick of hearing the cripple whine about "oh, everything hurts" every single day in and out..

....i want to know what im supposed to feel....

...please tell me.......?

[Boone Zofox]

So I'm not going to say the cliche statement that you hate and I really can't understand what you're going through. But you are justified to be bitter about your position. Unfortunately complaining doesn't really help, except for venting, and venting is always good. In the end I can't tell you how you're supposed to feel, but I can let you know that we all care about you and hate to hear about you in pain. Keep your chin up and we'll all keep supporting you.

[Ares the Ram]

bitching and moaning is when you got a pickle when you wanted a banana, not when you have something serious. You're not a whiner Kaprika. As Boone said, we'll keep supporting you.

[Kaprika]

wow...ive been away for longer than i thought...

you got fat
:I

but on a serious note, sometimes i FEEL like im just whining..i feel like i bother everyone with my problems, like a nuciance

[Egan]

wow...ive been away for longer than i thought...

you got fat
:I

but on a serious note, sometimes i FEEL like im just whining..i feel like i bother everyone with my problems, like a nuciance

its because you don't usually accpect help.
since you've developed a coping system of being by yourself, your unconcious mind thinks when you do or even ask, that you are "whining".
And helping emotionally and helping fincally are two different things. Not to judge or call you unintelligent, but if you had created a habit of asking for emotional help from others more often, you might of ended up less depressed.
if you ever wanna talk, you can contact me, Kat.
get well soon

[Alison Marie]

i have been in a simmilar situation when i was seven or eight i ran into a steel frame and split my nose open.( cuz thats how cool i am ) the doctor said that it would be a week before i could even get out of bed because with the movement my heart would beat and my nose would spew blood. i felt like a burden on my mother and i felt terable. thats when i descovered that writing is a great outlet. even if you write the most heart wrenching, or sobbiest story ever, or even about your situation then it releaves a lot of stress. or for what you cant say out loud, try comunicating through text it helped me tell my friends i was a crossdresser

[Vosur Aekira]

You're perfectly justified, Kaprika. In all honesty, I'm not sure what I'd do if I ever lost the capability to move or if it became hindered to the point where I would be disabled. I wish you well and I hope that you get to feeling better. It'd be cliche' to say that I do not comprehend what you're going through because I've not felt it before, but it'd be true.