Are relationships even worth it?

[Gelidus]

*sigh*

So as some of you may know I broke up with my mate about 2 months ago. This was a GOOD thing for me, since I wasn't me in the relationship and I wasn't enjoying it anymore. It was a very serious relationship. I went to college where she was so we wouldn't split because of the distance, and we had major plans for the future. But as we spent more and more time together I realized that I just wasn't happy. I HATED having to see her and feeling obligated to her and doing what she asked. HATED!!! I was such a submissive person to her, even though thats not who I am. I loved her but I just couldn't do it anymore. And I'm like that around anyone I'm attracted to. As soon as I like someone I'll immediately go into submissive mode because I want them to be happy and I'm a nice guy.

So whats my point? honestly I don't know. I just feel like I'm never going to appreciate any relationship, because I'll never be my true self around someone that I'm attracted to in a non-sexual way. I don't see the value of a relationship anymore...I mean whats the point of it? to feel loved by someone? yeah I don't feel like going through all that effort just for that. It's just not worth it. Sex isn't all that great either

I just needed to rant. Does anyone have any advice? Any information that I'm not thinking about?

[x]

It takes a lot of mates to find the right one...usually. But when you find the right one you will understand why it's worth it, because they will make you feel amazing, incredible, say anything you feel to them without fear. The pride in having a mate is having someone else always there for you to be 'linked eternally' so to speak. It's really a great feeling and you won't get that feeling until you find the right one.

Of course, being single is great too. People can learn to really embrace being single and be very happy, and even be themselves single.

Depends on what you want for where you are. Don't take it too fast if you're young.

[WingedZephyr]

To be honest, relationships aren't for everyone. There are some people who feel better just being on their own. It happens, and that might be what you want to do. You can always change your mind later if you want to.

That being said, it might just be because you haven't met the person who will let you be yourself yet. I don't know how long your relationship lasted, but part of the problem might be that in the early stages of a relationship it's easy to get stuck into that feeling of "omg I have to do everything perfect or I'll lose them" kind of thing. Once more time passes you get sick of it, you fight over it, but then you talk with your partner and figure out how to find a balance so that neither of you will feel pushed around all the time. It's rough getting to that point, but if both of you are committed to communicating, compromising, and working out the problems, I think you can get to a state where you're not waiting around on your girlfriend all the time.

[Gelidus]

I see what your saying guys, but the problem is that we DID love each other and we DID try and work things out. We did pretty well dealing with changes in each others personalities, me becoming a furry, and stuff like that. I could have sworn that we were the ones for each other and that we were soulmates. But I realized even with all those changes, I still wasn't happy. Maybe I got tired of doing stuff for her because I did it ALL the time. We tried to fix it, but it got to the point that I didn't want to be with her. I loved her, but I couldn't stand being with her. How does that even work?

IDK I feel like I would be one of those people that would just be happy being alone for my entire life. I'm a really independent guy, and I always have been. I never even wanted my parents love that bad (although they certainly gave me plenty of it). So yeah, maybe I am one of those guys that shouldn't be in a relationship, as I thought.

Thx for listening and responding guys!

[x]

If you can't stand your mate, then it isn't love.

When you get that special feeling I talked about, then you'll never feel that way, or you may, but you'll be able to resolve it. When you have the REAL feeling of being in love, it's very hard to get annoyed or angry or to that point because you're so lost in each other. I'm not trying to say what you had wasn't love, but in my opinion it wasn't.

But I digress. Yes, you may very well be a loner and there's nothing wrong with that if it makes you happy and you can be yourself.

[Gelidus]

I did love her. I wanted everything in the world for her. But I think the problem arose when she started asking me for more and more without giving anything in return and I just couldn't take it. Probly whats happening though, is I'm trying to make this simple when its SO much more complicated than can be explained in a forums thread...soooooo:

I'm single now, and I will be for a while. So thank you guys for making me feel like it was OK to decide something like that. It just seemed like everyone glorifies being in a relationship so much, that i felt weird saying I shouldn't be in one. (here I am 21 years old and still letting society affect my decisions -_-)