Telling homophobes I'm gay

[The_GMan]

There is this online friend that I know for almost 2 years now and he is a very good friend of mine, we had so much fun together, sometimes he would complaint about gays and why he hated them, he though I was straight. Sometimes we had these conversations about his homophobia and generally about gays but they didn't last long because he wouldn't stand too much of those conversations because it made him "sick".
So for some reason I decided to tell me him I was gay. I though that our friendship would be able to open an exception in his phobia. He took a while to actually believe what I was saying, he got silent for a while and then said that he could live with it and that we had way too much fun for his phobia to overcome our friendship. We talked about how we met and what crazinesses we did together, gave some laughs and all ended good. He really hates gays but for some reason he now talks much more to me then when he though I was straight.
I've heard a lot of stories of people that are abandoned by they're best friends when they told them, I'm wondering if this is normal or was I just so lucky.

[Puncia]

My guess is that he feels comfortable with you as a person and thus not as threatened by the phobia.

How is his view upon his own phobia? Does he think it as morally wrong to dislike people because of their sexuality, or does he genuinely thing they're all nut jobs? I have friends that don't have anything against gays as people but they get sick with the thought of homosexual relationships and sexuality. Generally known as the "as long as they don't try it on me, I'm fine with it-type".

Also, what does he think of lesbians and bisexuals? My guess is that he doesn't have anything against lesbian activities because that's what I've seen as most common. Does he think there's a difference?

And what do you think (or know) is causing his prejudice? Is his family the same or has he experienced something uncomfortable? Religion perhaps? Friends, school, etc...

I'm sorry for asking so many questions but I think this will be my last post before I disappear for a week. Though I will check up on this when I return. Maybe thinking about this might help you or help others reading this.


Overall it seems like it's taking a positive turn. Have you ever discussed sexualities after you came out to him? have you noticed any difference in the topics you talk about or what he says? Does he still rant about gays?
More questions! I guess I feel rather talkative. Also, sexuality interests me.

Good luck anyhow!

[The_GMan]

Well, he just can't imagine homosexual relationships and why do people actually are homosexual. He really hates homosexuals and bisexuals, I've yet to ask him about lesbians.
I have no idea whats the origin of his phobia, I doubt it's a religion problem because even though he's Christian he doesn't really give religion much attention.
Actually, the topics after I came out to him were nothing related to this and I wanted it that way so he wouldn't go back on his decision, I will eventually bring the topic up since I'm curious to know why he has his phobia. And yes, he still hates gays as much as he initially did, but for some reason he's ignoring his phobia when he talks with me now. (even sometimes he may reformulate his sentences to make them less offensive towards the homosexual me.

Puncia, I'll PM you tomorrow since sexuality interests you so much

[Daemon]

My turn.

There is a myth about those of a male gender and of a homosexual sexuality that they will rape you on a moments notice. I have seen people like this everywhere, and that this is one of the reasons why people are homophobes. However, you're friend knew you for a long time and trusts you for who you are. He thinks you are a true friend, in that, being a homophobe, he did not push you away.

I guess, in a sense, you were lucky.

P.S. Sorry if this post seems rude, didnt mean for it to.

[Drago Strega]

  In my opinion, it's not a good idea, if you wanna stay friends with him. The guy has been trusting you for 2 years. How would you feel if a friend you've been talking to for 2 years, who knows everything about, what you like and dislike, then suddenly decides out of the blue that he's into something that you are completely against the whole time you were chatting. Kinda like pulling a wolf in sheeps clothing suprise act. Besides, what do you expect to gain from the relationship after you've told him? Are you planning on chatting with him about all the nice looking guys you've been looking up someplace near home...Is it possible that you are attracted to him, as in like like him? There is a lot of stuff inbetween that you were thinking about that can possibly define your reason for telling him such information, that I don't know about, so that I'll leave that to you to answer. But if you are friends, your friends, buddies, whatever the like and there is no reason for your friend, like that, to be involved with your love interests unless you're looking for advice, which I suggest you talk with somebody who is into that sort of stuff and please just leave your friend out of it. Unless he out right tells you clear as day online, that he's interested, then by all means have fun. But since he hasn't and is still very much a homophobe, just don't push your luck with this, or risk losing a good buddy and face.
I'm sorry for the sarcasm, but it just boggles my mind as to why you would tell your straight homophobic friend, to who you've been having a buddy relationship online for 2 years with, and now after 2 years suddenly decide to now tell him that you're a homosexual. I'm just slightly worried cuz this can possibly hurt you a lot if you care so much about this guy, and maybe you are just getting a bit too attached to Mr. Buddy Online....so are you prepared for the back fire that can come afterwards? The decision is yours to make, but please carefully concider the possible future paths you might have to tread if you go on telling him and good luck on whatever you choose. Gods speed, or whatever floats your boat.

[WingedZephyr]

Well... This certainly isn't always the case, but I'm sure you've heard that sometimes people who are really homophobic are actually just putting up a front to hide the fact that they feel, to some degree, homosexual themselves.

It's really great if your friend genuinely disregards his bias for the sake of your friendship, because that is a rare thing to happen. It's possible, but rare. More often than not, if someone truly hates homosexuals, they won't be able to cope with the fact that someone they know and care about is one.

That's why it kind of makes me wonder if he's actually in denial of his own feelings... due to the fact that he not only accepted your revelation, but talks to you more now.

Just putting that out there for you to consider. I could be wrong.

[Tatter]

ok here's how it goes

you are who you are, if you don't be who you are itll be a secret and youll never be happy, worse you may be constantly stressed hem ay find out

its best if you come out and be yourself

if he's a true friend, he'll get over his homophobia for you, if he dosen't, then im not so sure thats a true friend

ask yourself this, what is more important to him? hating gay people? or being friends with you?

if its the former DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND???