Changing One's Name

[WhiteTiger89]

So I've been going through some pretty heavy family stuff lately. Long story short: I'm adopted. Adoptive mother was wonderful. Adoptive dad was an evil, soul-sucking vampire. Adoptive parents get divorced in '05 and I move in with my a-mom. Several years later and I'm mostly over all the crap the a-dad put me through, which at it's worst included a threat on my life. Yet in the last year or so, I've gotten in contact with my biological mother, met her side of my blood family, and even met my biological father, who is thankfully a truly good person. All of these meetings have been extraordinarily positive experiences.

But as I consider the future of my career as an author, the one thing I can't stand is the thought of going through the rest of my life being addressed by my adoptive dad's last name. Just thinking about it makes me physically ill, and has led to me seriously considering legally changing my name. The only problem is that I don't want this to hurt his side of my adoptive family because they are genuinely good people. I don't want to alienate them, but at the same time, I know in my heart that this is name change is what I want. I want the name of my birth family to be my name.

I don't know how many people here can relate to this situation, but any thoughts/help/advice people can give would be wonderful. The last thing I want this to do is cause an explosion of family drama.

[Puncia]

You could use your bio. parents as an excuse to change your name rather than wanting to get away from your a. parent's name. If they point it out you can say that yes, that would mean that you didn't have their name any more but it's important to you. No lies, no hurt feelings.

Also, maybe you could talk to your a. mother about it too, see what she thinks. Unless she has a heavy grudge against her ex husband.
And how would your b. parents feel if you changed your name? I presume you have a good relationship with them, if not deep but at least a good one.

[Kaprika]

im actualy in the same situation..except its my step dad. who is a genuine Ba*****. i have his last name and i hate it, but as i see it..i just might be getting married in the next year or so. so why change it when ill soon be changing it again?
not to say im assuming that my mate will be poping the question that soon. its just that we keep talking about how me wishes me to be the one he spends the rest of his life with. so i have high HOPES thats gonna be the case

as for you..its YOUR name and your the one that has to live with it, it may hurt them. but its hurting YOU and in this case...your the important on here

[WhiteTiger89]

@ Puncia: My a.mom actually has more of a grudge against him than I do. And I talked to by b. mom before anyone and she told me she would love it. She's just worried about me burning bridges.

@ KaprikaAZ: Yeah, I certainly can't blame you for not wanting to change your name twice in a year. I hope that goes well for you. Thank you for the encouragement.

[Puncia]

Would you feel bad for telling one or two white lies to those in your adoptive family that you do like and care about? If not, you could go with what I first said and then lie and tell them you are really not doing it to break any relationships, you just want to feel closer to your biological family.

[WhiteTiger89]

Well I just sent two messages to an aunt and an uncle of mine explaining what I want to do and why I want to do it. Already heard back from my aunt and she said that they love me for me, not for what my name is.

[Puncia]

Ahh, wonderful. That's great news.

[armagre]

hopefully it wont be to expensive to change the name "

i donno, how about you dont associate that last name with only the worst of memories.
my mums is nuts and has done some terrable things to me and my family, but im fine with my last name because when i write it down or say it, i dont think of that

and authors can have fake names... so, just putting that out there
so if you can separate it legally, you can it lease separate it in your work

[WhiteTiger89]

The problem with that is that I only have one genuinely positive memory of him. All the others are varying levels of negative.

I thought about just using it as a psedonym, but there are things that psedonyms make needlessly difficult. Doing appearances or interviews for one. Particularly if your book is self-published.

I have the paperwork I need now though, so it's just a matter of finally deciding to do it.