Qurana; Dirge of Existance

[tangletail]

Hello thank you for reading my story. For all those who hasn't seen my DA profile, my story is entwined with my starfox fan-fic but in no way involves the lylat system, only several factions excluding starfox and most of the ships used in the series, for it takes place in a entirely different setting. You may post comments within this thread to help me improve and even give me character suggestions. I am thinking about making this an OPEN STORY. Meaning, yes I will be writing it but I will chose a few very special authors to help write this story as it continues, seeing how I will not be able to add chapters as much as I would like to.

Again, you may comment, for I will post a link for each new chapter I write here.

Characters==============================
Non at the moment
Chapters===============================
Prologue
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Story
PROLOGUE
Space, a relative mass scientifically, that expands only as planets grow farther apart, not singling out the factors physical by nature, but the independent organisms unique to there planet and of a variety of shapes unknown. Many people makes the mistake to assume that what ever is found, is far from them related no way, sadly this is untrue.

Deep in the dark clutches of what seems to go on forever, but comes to a stop, far from visible as the simple eye fails to see a dot, smaller then that of an atom. Not even  with the worlds current technology with a lens strong enough to see the very shadow of a atom can pick up its trace, yet this planet was discovered by  an accident.

Traces of energy unknown to this world was being monitored and was theorized to be condensed particles finally making its way to them from the well known yet unproved big bang. However, it was soon proven wrong as the signs became more violent but for what reason? These signatures would have came from many directions but they were moving faster, then the recorded speed of light from only one single direction, passing through, not even clipping the masses of matter that would be floating oh so randomly and daintily, and only stop when contact with this marble of the solar system was hit. Why…?

A question that was common to the scientist of earth, for many reasons but for the same cause, but never before have they been so confused, so interested in this strange phenomenon that they would go out of there way, to even Identify this new energy spectrums direction but of course this couldn’t be seen. Desperate, and fueled with there desire to extinguish there curiosity by all means, they requested funds to investigate, and advance technology, until of course. Until there hopes and dreams where destroyed so brutally by the life very degradeing necc of funds to even advance,  including the planets limited resource would send volunteers into death, shying all away who was specially trained for such voyages.  Such a horrible waist of valuable effort. An effort that could prove there was more than just a pink, skinned, bipedal being, who dubbed themselves as humans, who are unknowingly primitive to the many other species of life that existed within the world, maybe the youngest civilization, possibly the only carbon being thus destroying the fact that only organisms made of carbon will be organic.

Impossible? No, just the bitter fact, mystery, or challenge of the single free-man, must cope with. Of course, this may possibly be an understatement as many minds are different, and all but few are oblivious to this new spectrum. But of course, who cares about a energy pulsating object? As one sex is equipped with one already. But an object is only one thing it can be… is it something more? After all, traces seem to disappear as the energy waves hits the surface of the planet.

Now, few years later, passed this rumored 2012 to the year of 2045, and onwards one score of the organisms recorded dates, they finally deemed founds unnecessary, as information was leaked to the public, suspicions  were rising as well as a new  rumored end, was brought forth. Donations were made very generously, rising to the point were they’ve been beaten with it on end from the arousing curiosity of the many organisms, and shifted off one lone person, the only person who dared to face a brutal death, into the source of this history. Family and friends alike found there time to an end as this one being was left unaffected by time, placed into a hypercronic state.

This ….craft…lost…contact….20 years….from the launch date……Deemed Diseased

[Self-sain]

1st, I had to point this out, yet another person who post, with out commenting on anyone elseses work .
 
2nd, You should try to keep all the chapters in one thread.

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OK, in my opinion, this story was hard to read, like in your second paragraph, it just felt wrong, you say "deep in the dark clutches of what seems to go on forever..." when you describe something like space, empty, no actually boundaries, no start or finish, it just seems wrong to say that, if you where talking about something like, the pit of the ocean, it would make more sense to say something like, "what seems to go on forever". In reality space dose so it just seems wrong to say that.

I like the idea that you are trying to put together, but it just seems so randomly structured, I mean its like you go to talk about what ill assume to be humans incompetence, to talk about the dangerous mass, I mean I do see what your doing, but the reading doesn't seem to flow fluently.

Well I'm no asia but its better then nothing

[tangletail]

Well to the first point im a very slow reader... and the second point, all the chapters are remaining in the same thread, just not in the same post

Well, thats just a very nasty, writing style I picked up from reading so many studied books in high-school that it stuck with me, I only seem to do this for settings however. It doesn't make since or seems hard to read, but just say it aloud and you will see a lot of idioms, and get the idea, but I assure you, very little will be like that.

No means to argue but, scientifically there's something called a bounding box that defines an objects orientation, in space. I don't know why they made this, but its just to prevent saying that something goes on for infinitively in reality.

But thanks for the criticism! Its greatly appreciated.

[Self-sain]

Now I'm confused, because if that true (not saying it isn't) then what about red tide, and blue tide, (sorry its been a while I haven't read up on it for a long time so frogive me if has a diffrent name), but I thought you where going off red tide (which if I recall talks about how the solar systems are expanding farther and farther apart from eachother)

And the other thing I said that because you said you would post a link, that why I said about the other threads

[tangletail]

Im not trying to gripe or troll just explaining the concept
Its fine, I dont quite understand the red tide and blue tide concept there but I will explain the paragraphs. And I'm not quite done with the prologue. I'm working on the rest in a word doc, just had it up here for a backup, since my computer needs to go in the shop to get some parts replaced. And I forgot to mention something, that was in a past post of yours. Yes we are very incompetent, we came up with many chaos theories that were impossible to prove, as well developed a system of living that does keep order but kills people who are in-able to afford it and many more. Just a method of power.

1. Is saying that, we are infact related to all organisms hidden in space. Not blood like but more of a roll, live, learn and advance.

2. Space is infact very dark, and almost endless, from what it seems because black goes on forever, to the human eye as well distance scaling giving this illusion

3. A new phenomenon was found, as if its signaling one planet specifically or this planet has the same properties as what ever created this

4. Again, showing our curiosity to learn this trace, because it seems alien yet it's very familiar about the planet

5. Just a hidden joke, and showing that this hidden entity is special to concern so many

6. When humans finally decided to destroy there ties with there system of money and seek this occurrence

7. Humans gave up as soon as contact was lost