City on Fire

[Hijiku]

This is a story still in the works, and I have decided to post it in little chunks for all to read, another user on here inspired me to do this, with very kind words. (You know who you are. *wink*)


Ch. 1 Genesis


What we thought we had solved was only the surface of the problems that were to come. The A.N.T.H.R.O Ltd. Genetics labs were decidedly full of big-headed scientists with more bank than brains. Their idea was to find a genetic cure for skin conditions, using the DNA from animals. There was a lot more science behind it than that, but that was none of my business. My job was to undergo the trial testing phase of this 14-year experiment. I was one of 1,001 people who agreed to undergo the possibly mutative process, with the promise of financial freedom, or roughly $15 million.

The doctor who was going to preform the work was a kind man named Grylles, said he was going to put me under. I fell asleep and almost immediately awoke. I was no longer in the same room, but a normal hospital bed. IVs were connected to my arms, and there were monitors beeping all around me. A nurse comes in and asks me all the typical questions; Are you dizzy, can you see okay...

Hours later I was told that I would be able to leave tomorrow, and that the doctors would check in with me on a bi-daily basis. As I was getting ready to leave, I began to feel a bit odd. My skin began to tingle, and my joints were aching. I lifted an arm to tell the nurse nearby, but the next thing I knew, the world went black.



More next week.

[Hijiku]

Couldn't wait for another week.


"When I next woke up, I was not aware of my surroundings, being that I couldn't see. Everything was all blurry, and everything just kind of came to me in waves."

"Could you hear anything, anything you could pick out?"

"No, just some people talking about something I couldn't make out."

"Okay, so then what happened?"

"Well, I passed out again. Then for a long time, I sort of floated in and out of consciousness. After what seemed like years, I finally came to be fully awake. There were doctors standing all around watching me wake up. Their expressions were mixed; some were looking at me with shock, others were indifferent. The head doc introduced himself and told me something in that medical speak that I didn't understand. I asked him to simplify what he said and he did."

"What did he say?"

"That the genetic treatments had taken, 'an odd turn'"

"And did they tell you anything else?"

"Yes, a bunch of things, also in medical jargon, but I managed to pick out that the changes had gone viral. Meaning the changes I had underwent were now contagious. He also mentioned that the other test subjects experienced similar results. They had me strapped in the bed, and I demanded to be told what had happened to me. They removed my binds and unwrapped me from the blankets. I looked myself over in the mirror, and instantly I thought I was dreaming."

"Were you hoping you were dreaming?"

"What do you think? The first thing that I noticed was that I wasn't exactly human anymore! I mean, Jesus... I'm a freaking half human, half lion! How was I supposed to react!?"

"Okay, settle down. Just pick up were you were."

"Alright, where was I? Ah yes, after I got over the initial shock of it, I asked to see the other people. They told me that I couldn't leave the quarantined hospital room. I yelled a lot at them, then after a while I lost it and dove out the window."

"Good Lord, did you survive? Or was the window lower to the ground?"

"It was the 10th floor. I'm not sure how I survived, but I did. I ran away and hid myself in the woods for a long time and tried to live off the land for a while. I watch the Discovery channel a lot, and always loved the survival shows. Never thought I'd use the skills in real life."



Until next time, thanks for reading!!!

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

This is all good, especially the perception change on the second post. But some of it feels off... a little unfocused. Here are the notes I made.

A.N.T.H.R.O

Are you writing a comedy? a parody? a spoof? or maybe you're writing for Capcom... This is silly.

$15 million.

Bit much isn't it? Even if they do potentially ruin someone's life, no scientific organisation would ever give a test subject that amount of money.

After what seemed like years,

semi-cliché

I wasn't exactly human anymore!

the exclamation point makes it a bit melodramatic

I yelled a lot at them, then after a while I lost it and dove out the window

err... what? that sounds a bit over the top.


It all rolls along well and disregarding content, the form is rather good, but altogether, it's rather childish and exaggerated in a bad way. Do you see what i mean? Because I'm not explaining myself very well.

[Hijiku]

I do, helpful criticism never hurt. I must let you know that I began writing this when I was like 15 years old. I'm just copying what I wrote down all those years ago. So in all fairness, my ADHD was a helluva lot more intense. =P

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

It's better written than some university writing students I know.

[Hijiku]

Well thank you.
*blush*

[Kitty (Sakura Colvez)]

Love the story it is really good.

[Self-sain]

I like It for the most part, I do agree with what asia said, its a little over the top sometimes, and a little childish. I'm a little confused as to how in the begging you where more of telling a story, and now It seems as if your doing like a Q and A.

[Nali]

Interesting, can't wait to read more of it.