Relationship Woes

[Sushii]

Not even sure how to start this tbh.

I've been in a relationship with a guy since last July. It started out fantastic and I guess it was that whole "honeymoon" stage. Now it's like we're more roommates than a couple. He's very wary of the furry fandom (though he is one himself) and pretty much refuses to let me hang out with any of the local artists/furs. 

I moved halfway across the country to be with him and there are times where I get so homesick it's unreal. I have a job, but never hang out with my co-workers.  It's pretty much the only social interaction I get during the day besides the every once in a while conversations between my mate and myself. 

He currently is finishing up his degree so his main focus is school.  Most of his free time however, is spent rping and hanging out online with his friends. I'm all for him being who he is, but when I'm constantly ignored, or he gets pissed at me for interrupting him, then I don't know quite what to do. I've mentioned how I feel to him many times before, but nothing's changed.  Honestly, most times I feel unloved and abandoned. Not to mention the huge hit to my self esteem.

I know he flirts with other people online, and yes, it does get to me, even though we agreed at one point in our relationship that it'd be ok. (though honestly, he makes up most of these rules and I get the silent treatment if I disagree) Hell, I get the silent treatment a lot for even the littlest of things.

Anyways, I guess I'm rambling.

I just really don't have anyone else to talk to about any of this.

Kudos if you read all of this.

[George]

Are you really sure you should be with him?!

It's sounds like he's not being nice to you at all!

[Tyga]

Are you really sure you should be with him?!

It's sounds like he's not being nice to you at all!

I agree with this...sounds like he treats you more like a thing than a person

[Sushii]

Thanks for replying you two. It's comforting to know that I can finally talk about my problems with other people.


I guess I keep justifying it as "well we do have some good times" but that illusion wears off quickly.  Half the time I just end up assuming that it's something I'm doing wrong. I know to any sane person the answer to this question is so glaringly obvious, it's just getting the heart and head to agree. 

[anoni]

It seems you feel the experience gave you a lot of joy, so you yern to continue that joy by staying in the relationship in the hopes  that the honeymoon phase shows up.

  The most important thing in a relationship is open communication, have you discussed this with him in a calm and serious level? Have you told him you felt ignored? Have you told him the flirting gets to you a lot and you wish to reconsider the rules? (In a calm and formal environment) Open communication is SO important in a relationship, I can't stress how many problems can be solved by simply informing the other party and being completely honest. A lot of the time when an SO mistreats (in a non-abusive way) someone, it's usually because they don't realize the affect of their actions. So please, if you haven't already, tell him how you feel, it's not intruding and you have complete right to do this.

  You need to tell him everything, how you feel you don't have enough friends and how you really want to spend time with him. Though, at the same time, it's definitely important not to have him as your ONLY link to social interaction, because yeah he has a life too, he should give you attention but he can't give you attention the entire time, so it's important to also get to know your co-workers and meet some friends, people you can hang out with that aren't your boyfriend. It's important he knows you feel ignored and you should discuss with him ways in which you can solve that issue, one of the ways you should discuss is asking him to help you find more friends around the area, maybe he knows some people you might like? Another one is possibly making a schedule so he can set some time aside every night (or few nights) to spend with you (maybe even something like a date-night). Who knows, it's important to work through these problems together.

  I wouldn't break up with him unless you've tried these things consistently and haven't gotten anywhere. If you've already tried these things and have had no response, then I don't believe the relationship will work out. But by the sounds of it this hasn't been done much, so I DEFINITELY recommend trying this out before considering breaking up with him. A lot of problems can be solved by simply talking it out and coming up with a plan to tackle it.

[Sushii]

The sad thing is that I have sat him down and tried to express my feelings about the situation, but I get met with silence.  No matter how I word it, and how calmly I approach the subject it ends in him claiming I'm blaming him for everything, then get punished for it.

I just am not sure what else to do at this point.  As far as friends go, and as bad as this is going to sound, he really won't allow me to have any.  I had a friend in the area and hung out with her for a day and he freaked.  Many of my co-workers are either quite a bit older than I am, or in their early 20's.  (not that I wouldn't mind hanging out with them outside of work, just would love some friends in my age range)

I'm also worried because he's got a short temper that seems to go off at a moments notice. I don't think he'd become physically violent, but having my fair share of physically abusive relationships in the past, I tend to get worried.

Sorry if this is rambling/didn't make much sense, I just woke up.

Thank you for replying though, and I will keep trying to sort things out.

[George]

Reading this, if I was in your situation, I'd sever it.

He doesn't seem to think of you as a person at all, but a possession. I don't think it's fair that he controls the parts of your life that shouldn't even concern him...

[Dubaku]

I tell ya, one thing I don't like is when your partner is so clingy. Like, they have to know what you're doing and where you are. I like having chill relationships

[Drakos]

Based on all I've read, I'd say that you're not being assertive enough in the relationship. You're letting him control what happens and what doesn't. Sometimes just talking isn't always the solution; sometimes actions speak louder than words. If he tells you not to hang out with a certain group of people, and you really want to, do it anyways. If he asks why, tell him that you don't agree with him limiting who you befriend and hang out with. Sometimes an action like that can open up a discussion.


I'm not trying to say that it's about you completely controlling the relationship, I'm just saying that a relationship should never be a one-way street in the sense that both should be open and honest to each other and be reasonable to each other. After all; it does take two to Tango~.


Hope my advice sort of helps~.