Meh... (Advice)

[Gothy]

Well hello there fellow forum-goers, it's me again. I know I haven't been on much lately aside from lurking but i'm afraid i'm in need of a bit of advice...

You see, right before I was forced to move to Springfield (still with parents until I can get a place of my own) I met a furry online that I must say I hit it off quite well with. We've gone so far as to say 'I love you' (even though from what I understand we're not technically 'together' right now because he lives in another state and he doesn't really like long distance relationships), and we've even been talking about me eventually moving down there with him once he gets a place. But it seems a bit of a problem has arisen... You see, he also plans on moving his mom in with us. That's...great right? She can help pay rent and stuff, splitting it three ways should work out much better than two. The problem? She pretty much doesn't like furries and wouldn't approve of my getting into fursuit making or doing clean/adult furry artwork. I told him before we even talked about moving in together that I want to do suits and artwork for a living. His solution? "Oh, well she won't go into our bedroom anyway so you can just hide the stuff in there." So basically while she's working during the day I can leave the door open but before she gets home i'd have to clean up any mess I made and hide out in the bedroom with the door shut at night so I can get commissions  and stuff done. Easy-peasy right?

...
...

Wait, what? So i'd have to hide being a furry and hole up in the bedroom when i'm working like there's something wrong with me/being a furry. How am I gonna explain the extra income when 'I don't work', trips to the store to buy materials, frequent stops to the post office to ship stuff,  the out-of-state trips when I can aford to go to a convention, etc? And I even said she's probably gonna find out eventually which may cause a ...storm and could possibly end up with us fighting/her trying to get me kicked out of the apartment.

So I ask you guys (and girls, and what ever other genders we have on here), what woud you do if you were in my situation? Give up doing what you love/dreamed of being successful at doing to be with someone, or not be with someone to do what you want?

TL, DR; Future mate wants me to move in with him once he gets a place, but he also wants to move in his anti-furry mom and I wanna do furry stuff for a living. What do?

[Ares the Ram]

lets pretend you do this and are living with him and his mom. If the mom is living with you, not you living in her house, that means that you three are equal room mates. the common room/living room would be everyone's so you wouldnt be able to leave your art lying around there, but she wouldnt have any say in your room. You can do fursuit stuff in the common area as well, so long as she wasn't doing anything there first. If she has a problem with it, she doesn't have to live there. being a mom has no sway if she's paying the same amount as you are.  Having said that though, if she feels so strongly about it, I dont think it would be a good idea to live with her in the first place. Ive had a roommate that would be a huge pain all the time and it wasnt fun at all. Your friend is just trying to balance you and his mom and making both of you happy. There's a saying that often times the best solution is the easiest one, which in this case would be to not live with her.

As for your actual question as to what I would do, if it hasnt been implied already, do what I love and not be with the person, providing that their mom was moving in.


Hope I helped and feel free to pm me if you want more advice.

[icy wolf]

well her son is a furry and your a furry as well, its something shes going to have to get use to. like macid said the best solution would be to not have his mom move in with you if its between doing what you love and who you are or being with some one you love. sure you can still vist her but if you do and she still dosnt like furry stuff then dont talk to her about it. i had a friend whos mom hates any and all furrys, she says iam a shell for not wanting to leave the fandom, but beeing a furry is who iam. my friend came up with a good solution to this dont talk about the fandom in front of her.

[Gothy]

That's my opinion, if we're all living in an apartment together it's really his say as to what goes on in the apartment because he's the one getting the place eventually. But of course I guess it's an absolute no-no to tell her anything about myself (or him for that matter) being furry. Even if I did manage to hide my stuff in the bedroom for a while, i'm pretty sure she'd eventually get on me about 'getting a job instead of mooching off of them', since he says she wouldn't be checking our income so she wouldn't know about what I did for a living. I didn't even know about the whole 'i'm moving mom too' until this morning before I went to bed.

And I agree with ya icy, furry isn't just a hobby for me either so even trying to hide what I am would make me feel pretty dirty/miserable/like i'm a terrible person even though i'm not. I really don't think there's the option of not having her move in though unfortunately...

Waiting for more opinions though. Has anyone else even been in a similar situation like this?

[Goblin Cat 😸]

lets pretend you do this and are living with him and his mom. If the mom is living with you, not you living in her house, that means that you three are equal room mates. the common room/living room would be everyone's so you wouldnt be able to leave your art lying around there, but she wouldnt have any say in your room. You can do fursuit stuff in the common area as well, so long as she wasn't doing anything there first. If she has a problem with it, she doesn't have to live there. being a mom has no sway if she's paying the same amount as you are.  Having said that though, if she feels so strongly about it, I dont think it would be a good idea to live with her in the first place. Ive had a roommate that would be a huge pain all the time and it wasnt fun at all. Your friend is just trying to balance you and his mom and making both of you happy. There's a saying that often times the best solution is the easiest one, which in this case would be to not live with her.

This is pretty much what I think.

If it were me in the position, I'd see if there was anyway we could get around the mother moving in. If there was no way around it, I certainly wouldn't be hiding it like a dirty habit. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a furry. I'd continue about my business and if she had a problem with it, maybe try to inform her correctly on furries; that it's a fandom, and like every fandom there are those weirdos who go too far with it as well as people who aren't fully submersed in it.

[WingedZephyr]

Talk to the mother before you get involved in the whole thing. Try to come to an understanding between you two. Ask her why she hates furries, tell her why it means so much to you and that you'd like for her to accept you, and that you respect her opinion but you're an adult with your own life who will be paying your own fair share of the rent. You don't have to get her to love furries or anything, just find a compromise between your differing opinions. Respect her and be understanding toward her, and she will likely come to do the same for you (even if it doesn't reach that point immediately).

Do not just accept a life of hiding what you love and do though. You couldn't hide it forever, and that's no way to live. No one wins in that situation.

[icy wolf]

like Mortis.Reptus  and WingedZephyr  said in the end no one will be happy, you wont be happy because you have to hide it she wont be happy beacuse she is living with the both of you, you are who you are. tell her this is how you earn your income and this is what you want to do. if she dosnt like it explain to her what fur suits are, i dont have one yet but iam planing on getting one. iam not sure how my parents fell about it but ive tried to explain it to them, it has taken them almost a year to get use to the fact that iam a furry. just have patents for her but dont expect any thing from her i know some people wont change there mind no matter what, my friends mom is like this. if she has seen CSI, tell her that CSI did that so they can get rateings the same with 1000 ways to die, if it helps show her the episode of fan boy confessionals, this shows what the fandom is, you can find it on the space net work's website.  

[Gothy]

Thanks for all the advice guys, but this can be locked now.

We talked a bit and it turns out that she doesn't want to move in with us after all so I wouldn't have to hide anything. He only asks that I don't do something like parade around in a fursuit or whatever around them which is a fair comprimise, I wasn't planning on telling them that i'm a furry (or bisexual) anyways. I do appeaciate the advice though, it makes me feel better to know that others agree with me and that I wasn't being just a selfish prick or anything for not wanting to hide being a furry in my own home.

[icy wolf]

glade every thing worked out for you.

[Ares the Ram]

Locked by request