What the crap is wrong with me?

[AuraFox]

I feel so depressed most of the time. I dont stop thinking about suicide. It's the only thing on my mind most of the time. I can never think entirely straight. I don't really care about anything anymore. When I'm not depressed I feel stressed out about everything. I will start throwing stuff around in my room because of the smallest things like One question for a geometry assignment. I can't stop fiddling with the three of my watches That I wear. But when I'm not frustrated at something and not depressed then I'm so happy I start laughing for three minutes straight at a single word just about every few minutes or so. I feel like of done something wrong or like none of my thoughts are my own. I'm being torn apart trying to figure out what to do now. Its not a sad depressed though. But it does feel like I'm empty or something like that if that makes sense. If anyone else can tell me WTF is up with me, It would be much appreciated. If you feel similar to this then go ahead and talk about it. Input is welcomed.

[WingedZephyr]

No one here is qualified to be a therapist. Seeing a professional to help with the things you're dealing with might help more than you think.

[Ares the Ram]

It might help to find the source of your depression. If anything, it can give you a direction to go in

[AuraFox]

I know. But I dont want a therapist, and trust me I have a lot of time to think. I can't figure out exactly how it started. I will elaborate more tomorrow I guess. My iPods nearly drained. Bai.

[Armalite_]

I agree with Mancid. You can't really make a step in the right direction without knowing what you're dealing with. Find what made you upset or what makes you the most upset now. Question yourself why it does and find what you can do to solve it. Tell your friends/parents/or even a teacher and they'll help you find out whats wrong and what you can do. You don't want to kill yourself, Aura.

[Sareen]

I know exactaly how you feel, Im dealing with the same thing, I have been since i was 10 (is now 16 nearly 17 in 2 weeks) I cant tell you what to do exactally as what worked for me may not work for you. But when i suffered random depression or frustration I would break things or start getting angry at the slimplist thing, or I would start to cry at something pathetic. What I eventually did to help myself was to vent, when I was to the point of thinking suicide I would draw depressing art to express myself or write a rant getting what was on my mind out, same for when I was angry. But basically all I did was to try and keep myself busy, i know sometimes depression can be brought on by boredom, and you may not feel bored only depressed, then you start to get frustrated that you dont know why your upset.

Im sorry I cant give better advice but I can offer you an ear, so if you ever want to talk more or vent to me, feel free to PM me.

[AuraFox]

I vent quite often actually. I'm almost always drawing in school. I don't at home partially because I hate how my mom is always trying to see them, and when she does she says " awww.. It's so cute". I HATE it when she does that. I don't do "cute". Oh.. I'm getting off topic. Right, anyways... The entire time I'm drawing I stop thinking about the drawing just start thinking about how my mind works and stuff tryingntonfigure it out. I haven't been able to figure it out. So I googles it. Google knows all. The best thing I got that was closed to what I feel like was "bipolar disorder". Which seems about right. Except the only thing wrong is that mine aren't in episodes that last weeks they last days. But they never stop. It's always an extreme. Right now I'm REALLY flipping happy and hyper, and all that stuff. Also I'm trying my dad's sennheiser headphones right now. I'm in heaven right now listening with these. But anyways, so I was kind of planing stuff when I was depressed yesterday partly and the rest of this week except today. And part of that plan included me not needing to care about homework( don't ask. It's complicated) and now I actually feel a little bad because my mom caught me in a bad mood yesterday and made me go over a ton of crappy homework. I got pissed and I wouldn't cooperate at all. So now she is a little grumpy I guess. Wow... I really need to focus. Anyways. Bai

[Self-sain]

Drawing is a proven stress relever , it is used in therapy, insted of just drawing, try drawing pictures of things that are your stressers, about your mom, I feel you, but its not that big of a deal, and just remember, at least she notices you, could be worse.

About you extrems, some people just act that way, you just need to learn to be mellow, and you thinking about stuff, that always clams my mind, and do yourhome work, I hate it, but in the long run, its not that big of a deal, it will reduce your stress, and your moms, and overall just be good and help you

[iKero-chu™]

No one here is qualified to be a therapist. Seeing a professional to help with the things you're dealing with might help more than you think.

Perfect solution right there.

I've been in your shoes and infact, to be honest, I'm still in them.
If these suicidal thoughts get much worse, I highly reccommend you get help.
Please.