I don't think these issues have to do with if you're gay or not. I'll go by these points one by one, maybe that will help
1. There's too many gay men in the fandom. I'm not attention-grabbing or unique enough.
There are a few reasons as to why this might be the case.
Since this fandom is really open to each other, it's more likely that gay (as well as bisexual and other) people are more outspoken about their sexuality. Thus seeming there is an 'overkill' of gay men, particularly.
The straight people tend to be more 'quiet' about their sexuality.
Furthermore simply not wanting to be gay just because it's not attention-grabbing or unique enough? The same issue will exist if you're straight. It's still rather the 'norm' to be straight, and so much pressure on people to be 'normal' and not gay.
The final reason would be: You need to accept who you are. You say you do, but then if someone truly does, they wouldn't care what others think and not be afraid of being unique.
2. Too many bad stereotypes of gay men (and they're true).
Stereotypes exist for all groups. Sexualities, races, etc. Some are based on truth, some are simply from experiences. All have a core, an origin, which can be (even in the tiniest bit) true.
There are bad and also good stereotypes for each group. It's about a matter of perspective. If you already not feel comfortable about a certain thing, you'll most likely judge it more negatively, even if you don't intend to do so.
Reading further down what you wrote, it seems you have a lot of bad experiences, but that doesn't mean
all gay people are evil, look bad, etc.
In my experience, the gay people I have met (online as well as real life) have been kind and crude, have looked handsome and not-handsome (or ugly). I tend to not judge a person or group based on their sexuality or any other affinity they may or may not have to a certain thing. I judge person by person. if they happen to be in a certain 'group', then so be it.
3. Gay men aren't attractive. =\ Sorry but it's mostly true. Hey I'm ugly too though.
As I said under point 2., it's mostly based on experience, stereotypes, perspective. A few other things as well. As for you being ugly, I wouldn't have the faintest clue, I haven't seen you before. Then again, while I might have a preference for a certain look, build, etc. I want to be with a person who's personality is good and honest. Everyon can look the same, handsome, ugly, I don't care. It's about who a person is, rather than what he is.
4. Always paranoid about being found out by strangers. I'm in the south now so it's not exactly a great thing.
That's an issue I indeed have no personal experience with. My only advice would be to not be openly gay, just act and do as 'normal' people would. Straight people don't tell everyone saying they're straight either x3
Of course there are other things, like holding hands with your partner in public, etc. I suppose if you do find someone you need to talk about these worries openly. If you decide to stay in the south, be wary of your actions outside, discussing it first with your partner, of course. Communication is key.
5. When creeps find out and stalk me. Yes, it has happened. Men are just creeps (and I am one).
While statistics possibly show men are more likely to do such activity, women do it too. This is an issue that also does not have to do with you being gay. Just make sure you're safe and contact police or talk with others if you notice someone doing this to you.
6. The left now hates gay men cuz they still have "cis male privilege". The right hates them cuz gay. Gay men hate me because I'm ugly and pathetic. So I have nobody.
To falll into this: Being a bisexual or even a pansexual sometimes does not even gain support from other sexualities, such as from homosexuals. "You can't love both genders." "You can't just love a person for who they are, it needs to be looks too." They would say.
So many people are trying so hard to be unique, and are worried or upset at the same time when others don't accept them. t's a conundrum. The only thing to really do is to not care what others think. Be who you are. You are either straight or you're not. You're either gay or not. Etc. Not only sexuality-wise, of course. While it's hard to not have a real (huge) supporting group, or any group to support your sexuality, we live in a day and age where this happens. If we want change, it goes slowly. We might not see changes through in our lifetime. Some things may only change over a few generations. The only thing to really do here is to accept that and be busy with your own life and your own situation, to not worry about who is or isn't supporting you. You need to support yourself.
7. As soon as a gay furry male finds out, they try to use me for sex.
Once again, no different from any other sexuality. I often hear from and read from women getting targeted by men as well. Boys, men, girls and women. No matter the sexuality or age, or anything else. I can go further into depths about why and how, but that wouldn't really solve your problem.
Just try to be safe, don't focus on you being gay. You're gay, that's your life. If people ask you, you can either give a clear answer or avoid it, or deflect the question, etc. Be very safe and secure with what information you share and don't share.
They still want to do things to you you don't want? Online? Block them. Real life? Contact someone of your family or anyone else you might know who can help you.
All in all?
My advcie would be to first truly get to know yourself and to realise you are already unique by being the person who you are. Sexuality is just one small aspect of it. You can let your life revolve around it or not, but it does not mean it makes you who you are.
If you're gay or straight, each group has their own issues. Mostly, we're all just human beings and a lot of us have similar issues, regardless of our background and heritage.
