Re: Looking for friends

[Beatnory]

Thedrake, I know how you feel.I've also had problems with this, and even now I have trouble with it.
but you must make the first step, I know how hard it is.
it will become more comfortable.

can you say why you are afraid? Please say it here so we can help you!

[Thedrake]

well... I can say my whole story, though I don't want to bother anyone with that... :x

[Beatnory]

I did say please so please write about it.
There's nothing to lose, you could win or it keep the same. So why not trying?

[Thedrake]

ok...

hum... first:

((ok, I stole the picture, sorry))

My memory is rather random so I can forgot some parts...

So... I joined the fandom furry almost 3 years ago, August 21st 2009, thanks to another dragon. I knew him in a forum of art with dragons, elves and such. One day, he were bad, and I wanted to help him ((like I don't know how many persons... but I don't think I will say everything, it will be too long...)) After speaking about his love of dragons... he finally show me furaffinity. I registered and started to discover by myself... and that was what I was looking for... Of course, I was already easily nervous, and had some difficult to do the first step. So I tried to fav some arts, write comment and such... until I saw a picture of fursuits.

o.o awww... want! I contacted the one who posted them... and by luck, it was a French! o.o he was the admin of the French furry forum, so he shown me it, and I registered. I asked some questions, he answered me, so I found how to meet other furs... a furmeet! In belgium, the next week! ((the Belgium is the furthest country stuck to the France, from where I live)), but I don't care, I registered. And since this moment, each time during the week end and during the vacation, when there was a furmeet, I go! And I was lucky, my step father work in trains, so I had free train! ^-^

There aren't any furmeet during the vacation? Ok, I pick several furs I see and which interest me and asked them to see them irl. I don't know how many I asked.
I spnt more or less good time with them, though sometime it was... well... I heard he was a very cuddly person, but... *sigh* ._. even if I gently tapped his shoulder, rubbed his back and such... but nothing... T.T

well... after several months, I did several furmeets, saw several furs several times, tried several time to approach them, tried to hug them and such... but no... I still felt none were really interested by me, with a few exception... which didn't really last. Yes, I got some friends here and there, but not more than a few months. I also got 3 loves... 2 of them left me alone for someone else... the last one, it was... special.
Then I found someone... I fell in love... I'm sure he loved me, even if he didn't was to mate with me yet. It was the only fur I went to his home twice.
But... I did my last furmeet with him... and someone also approached him. he seemed nice at the beginning, but I felt several time he tried to take my place... it upsetted me, my friend didn't like it and finally... well... it was my last time I did a furmeet. He left me alone... of course I didn't have any real friend... I got my worse part of my depression of my life...

Thanks to some drugs, I finally survived... even if I sometime spend bad time, I have bad thought and such... sometime, it was more standable.

Not sure if it was before or after... but around this moment, I also stopped the high school. I couldn't continue... I was as alone, people loved to make fun of me I still don't know why... *sighs...* I think that last sentence resumed my whole life in school.

Well, I continued to surf on furaffinity over here and there... I felt infinitely shier... so it was mostly some favs, I commented very rarely. ((anyway, the last ones I did never got any answer, except some specials))

Then, I found F-List. For those who don't know what is it, it's a chat for RPing. ((a little part clean, a good part... well...)) then I registered.
At this moment, I have some thought of nostalgia... I just had the level in English like anyone who just did it during school, without really big interest, then nothing more. I registered... ho, it's my account's first birthday in a few days.

then it was more or less the same story. I gone to the chat, had some difficult to do my first steps ((a little harder than furaffinity though...)) but finally started to do some rps, having a few of friends here or there, got a mistress... I don't feel good to write again the same story, so I will just resume: I felt that I quickly lost the interests from others, despite all my tries to get my group of friends. Ho, yes, I saw one in a chat, and really wanted to join! ((my mistress was a very good friend of one of them)), and tried to speak with this one... this one... then this one...

2 of them quickly finally disliked me... the last one was really too shy... even more than me. So I always wondered how he was able to join a group if he is that shy... I finally guessed that my shyness CAN'T be my problem. I don't know how, it seems that some of thoses I tried to befriend with got really annoyed of my tries and complained against me... I got an advertisement.

Then I tried this site... this one... this other... like pounced and such... then I reached thefurryforum at the same time as several others and found this one more promising, so... I gave it a try.


Quick resume about my life before the furry: I was born with some mental problems, I was hyperactive, hard ((forgot the exact word in French...  can't translate what I want to say correctly in English))... with crazy parents... (mostly my father, my mother can be okay)) I didn't go at school for 2 years because of my problem and my father's owns ((I will keep them for now...)), then I went to school until college, I went to a special college first, then did the same class in another one, never really being able to make some friends, so most of the time, I was alone. After my second years in college, I calmed a lot and became easy and started to be very nice with everyone. Though I think ((first time someone told me it: last year of high school!)) I can be sometime aggressive when I speak... but really non intentionally ((didn't mean to))

Well... now I'm in my last year of study before moving to USA, I have still a few of friend here and there, but I'm still looking for my tight group of friends... even if it's harder and harder...

And don't say "focus on your current friend instead of keeping looking for your group!" I always speak with them when I can, but they always finally stopped to reply... stopped to speak with me...


There... I hope I'm enough understandable.

[Døvu]

Hi, I'm dingo, haven't gotten to meet you I don't think but I've been reading this topic. I just wanted to say that you have quite a story. However I know how it feels to be made fun of, and how hard it can be to meet people, and even how harder it is to like them and to get them to like you. I'm quiet, shy, and a generally unclever sense of humor. It's hard for me to stand out in a crowd. I just want to be accepted around people. I found to get me through high school the best thing to do is to keep your head high, and not let anything get to you. Of course it will get to you, it will be something you might remember forever, but don't let it show. Stay open indeed and persistent, and the people you are looking for will bump into you. When you meet your group you will know, it takes an open mind and a heart of gold.

[Beatnory]

I'm a bit shocked about your story.
Sorry but it sounds like you're used by those people, did you also go in bed with these people? (question might be a bit direct but to make sure. ) if you do not want to give answers that you do not have to do that.

if you go to the usa can you build a new life, make sure to meet new people even if they are not furries.
I even think that it is better that you go to other circles of people.

[Thedrake]

@Beatnory:

I have nothing to hide, so... indeed, went to bed with some of them...
Otherwise, i jsut wish to go to usa, hoping to meet better furs than those in France. But I never reject non-furs of course.

Also, I think you can remove more than the half of "that" in your sentences, most of them are just optional I think. ((can I have a free cookie please?))

Dingo: heh... kinda too late now, I'm in a professional study, so... not really like the high school... I didn't keep my head high, I depressed until leaving the school...
And I would love so much to feel accepted too...

[Beatnory]

Thanks Thedrake, Enjoy your cookie!



But i wonder, why do you only want to hangout with furies?

[Thedrake]

Thanks! *nomnomnoms*

mh... it's a good question... I can't really give a good answer, I just can say I really wish to be with them... I'm also a very cuddly guy ((the cuddliest currently, never found cuddlier than me)), and I think I will probably find a cuddly fellow in the furry fandom. And also... yes, I wish a furry style life too.

[Armalite_]

hmmm...friends...Indeed, meeting people is easy, but making them your friend takes more time and effort than just lingering in a room.


I had never had much trouble making friends (or enemies) in school, at work, on the street, or at events. It just starts with a smile and a question or introduction. I met the majority friends when I went to college and did work with them or asked people for cigarettes. Conversation flows. Next thing you know, it's "Hey, we should chill/hang out again. Here's my #. Text me or something." It's ok to be nervous or shy when you meet people, but I don't think it's good to meet people with the intention of becoming their friend. Being social can be hard sometimes if the crowd you approach seems large or unfriendly. You just need to find something to connect to them with, something you would both find interesting. You talk furry with furs, science with nerds, games with gamers, skateboards with skaters, money with business, etc. etc. It doesn't make sense to open your mouth to a controversial topic or subject of scrutiny especially in front of people you barely know, they'll rattle you hard if they say something you don't like.

The reason you don't meet with the intention of friendship is because when this new acquaintance begins to attack who you are because they turned out to be a douche. To them, you are just a stranger, they're not there to impress you. Sometimes you will be met with disappointment and other times, anger, but it's no reason to give up on humanity. People are amazing creatures to interact with and having said that, it's easy to remember that humans are also just dumb animals with a voice. Remembering that helps a lot.

[Thedrake]

hmmm...friends...Indeed, meeting people is easy, but making them your friend takes more time and effort than just lingering in a room.


I had never had much trouble making friends (or enemies) in school, at work, on the street, or at events. It just starts with a smile and a question or introduction. I met the majority friends when I went to college and did work with them or asked people for cigarettes.

Lucky you... when I was in college, I had mostly people who loved to make fun of me...

It's ok to be nervous or shy when you meet people, but I don't think it's good to meet people with the intention of becoming their friend.

So what I can do? There is only one thing I want to have currently, it's being in a group of friends... o.o I don't see how I can meet someone without wanting to be his friend...

You talk furry with furs, science with nerds, games with gamers, skateboards with skaters, money with business, etc. etc. It doesn't make sense to open your mouth to a controversial topic or subject of scrutiny especially in front of people you barely know, they'll rattle you hard if they say something you don't like.

It's large... there are so much things about furry, games and such hard to find a topic to speak about...
And I don't understand what do you mean by "It doesn't make sense to open your mouth to a controversial topic or subject of scrutiny especially in front of people you barely know"

The reason you don't meet with the intention of friendship is because when this new acquaintance begins to attack who you are because they turned out to be a douche.

It's the risk...

To them, you are just a stranger, they're not there to impress you. Sometimes you will be met with disappointment and other times, anger, but it's no reason to give up on humanity.

The problem is it doesn't happen sometimes, but it happens almost always...

People are amazing creatures to interact with and having said that, it's easy to remember that humans are also just dumb animals with a voice. Remembering that helps a lot.

I don't think the majority of people will think the same thing.

[Armalite_]

There's gotta be something wrong with your friend-making formula.


1. College is one giant shark-tank bro. The moment you accept it, the easier it becomes. Act like you hate school, and you've already got something in common with them. Remember that some allies may come as enemies, and blessings a curse.


2. Being shy/nervous can come across as either weakness or charm. It is imperative that you don't seem like a socially awkward penguin when introducing yourself. Crack a joke, help someone out, offer advice, be cool. Don't be weird, don't be random, don't be stupid. You will SHATTER your first impression on someone. There's room for foolishness once they've become your best friend. Then you can frolic with them all you want.


3. Being in a close knit group of friends does not happen quickly. It's usually formed by meeting friends of friends who turn out to love each other. Friends don't befriend you in groups, you make your group of friends. Don't aim so high. Make a single friend at a time. Get to know them, work with them, go do something fun with them. Show them that you're a cool and enjoyable person to be around and they will want to be around.


4. When I say don't have the intention of making people your friend I just mean, don't scout someone out at a table and make it your mission objective to be their friend in the next half hour. I mean just talk. Just be social and get to know the people you surround yourself with be positive and interested as well as be interesting. Once you have an idea of what kind of person they are, you can decide whether or not you want to hang out with them more.


5. I mean don't bring up a topic that's going to get you made fun-of because you have a certain ideology or belief that you may not agree with or share. It's the WORST way to kill a conversation because now the person just thinks of you as a fool.


6. If people never took risks we wouldn't have a thing called overpopulation.


7. I heard that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing while expecting a different result every time. If you find yourself constantly being shot down and getting upset at being rejected, something you're doing needs change.




8. Yeah well people have their opinions.

[Thedrake]

1. But I didn't hate school o.o

2. I always help people, and I try to be as nice as possible. About being stupid or weird... I recently heard that people find me weird, but I really, really don't know what is weird with me...

3. I try to find one since 3 years... And I always wondered... how there are group of 6 people for example? Following the logic, groups start with 3 people ((sometime 4)), then a member meets someone and includes him, then another and such... right?

4. Question: how to be interesting? :x

5. Where are open-minded people...?

6. Overpopulation came with the risks...? o.o?

7. But what? o.o I never understood what's wrong with me! Perhaps I'm weird like I said, but... how am I weird?

8. Yes, I just wait for their argumentation.


Anyway, I'm still lost about what I have to change, what's wrong with me... why so much people don't like me... i try my best to be nice and help people, but nothing works... and my shyness wasn't the biggest problem, that's sure...

[MrRazot]

People tell me I'm weird, no idea why, so I just roll with it and laugh at them

You have two kinds of people, sheep and sheppards.

Sheep are all the same and follow each other without question.
Most people are sheep.

Sheppards are the people who are different from the sheep, they do not follow, but lead on and eventually get to tell everyone what to do as they listen blindly because sheppards are just awesome.
Few people are sheppards.

In my view, you are following the transition from a sheep to a sheppard though you want to be a sheep.

Though what I just said is probably all bull poo, I say just ride the lightning.

[Thedrake]

How I want to be a sheep...? I just wish to understand how to make friends... :x and anyway, what's the point of being sheppard if you're alone...?