it's over...

[PossumDeMort]

so first off just wanted to let those who know my Spouse  on skype too not say anything  about  this  im here to see what others think Before  i do Anything.

Ok so how to start this... i guess background. My significant  other and myself  have been together  for  almost 8.5 years now having  got together  when we were  16 and going since then, we have grown  up together  and been through  many things and have had  some adventures.


When we got together  i was going through  alot of personal  issues, this being after a bad year of being  bullied and me deciding that i didn't  want to live past 18, i became  attracted to my spouse and aftdr some awkwardness we got together.

I feel maybe i tryed so hard because i wanted someone  to care about me, i was in a dark place of crying myself  too sleep every night and wishing  every day something  would kill me.

So we got together  and the years past  and i got better slowly, and the time came were we finished  school and it was time for work. I was able to get a job that summer and started  going  too college.

my spouse didn't  get a job till almost  3 years later.

I worked  full time and went to college  paying for my own classes, and we would  see each other every  few days and hang out, My spouse  went to a trade school themselves  soon after.

Then there came the time where my spouse  was getting  kicked  out of their  parents house, i had to drop school to afford  to find us a home, at this point  she still didn't  have work until  a few months later.

At this point i almost  broke up with  them cause  of the job thing  and told them they needed  to fix it, they did but 9 months later they got fired.

Stuff compounded  from there and we sold almost  everything  we had and moved to vermont, with the same results, i got work in a month from getting  there and took her about 5, with me paying all the rent and bills until then.

Now months later their hours are getting  cut at their current  job and we decided  it was time for a new one, but they keep delaying going out to actually  find work.

Im pretty sure about  what im gonna do just wanted  to post to talk it out more.

I would like to hear what you all have to say or awnser any questions....

[Bricket]

It's not something I can easily give advice on because the situation isn't easily judgeable from +2000KM away...

However you need to motivate the SO for a better job besides that I dont really know what to say

[PossumDeMort]

For years ive printed resumes and gave advice and reminded  them to look, they ether don't  or take weeks.

[Angder]

I have had this problem before, not with an SO, but with a friend. They seemed to be in a deep depression and basically spent their whole day online, doing nothing of any real value, they had been like this for multiple years from what I can tell, spiralling deeper and deeper into a self imposed depression. I pushed and pushed for them to get a job, get a hobby, get anything to motivate them to do more. Eventally, I gave up. Every time I asked they had an excuse, "The world was scary", "They were not ready", "They were not comfortable with who they are", "They did not know how to". Each and every time I countered, tried to push them.

I only knew/know them online, and eventually had to give up. It seems some people won't DO anything with their lives unless absolutely forced, and sometimes... it just is not worth stressing yourself over. Perhaps if I knew them in person I could have done more, but as it stands, I did literally everything I could and they refused to act.

If they won't listen to you, even after you make things quite clear about what they need to do, there really is nothing else you can do as far as I can tell.

[PossumDeMort]

Yeah they basically  play video games all day everyday.

[HollowOfHaze]

If a person cannot find motivation to succeed on their own, without constant assistance by others, there is very little you can do to change that. I also knew a few people online who were extremely unmotivated to do anything with their lives. No amount of suggestions, or encouragement, or hard truths would change their mind. Every day they shut themselves in their room with no hopes for the future, no plans to change themselves, and honestly no right to demand respect for their lack of activity. It was... irritating.

The world is hard to overcome when you won't even start. I gave up on those few people who would rather remain useless or unproductive, but then again, I had no long-lasting or emotional ties to them.

Make your intent thoroughly understood by your mate. If they cannot acknowledge your worries about their future and improve themselves, then you have done what you can. Let go. However, I sincerely hope it does not reach that point.

[PossumDeMort]

Omg i did it, words cannot  describe  the hurt.

[Bricket]

Omg i did it, words cannot  describe  the hurt.

Hey buddy, if you need someone to talk to

[PossumDeMort]

Im coming around today, but that was really hard...