Hey
My dad has been getting more and more on my nerves. During my graduation trip, he tried to tell me Dreamweaver would work for everything I need for a website I want, and when I tried to explain to him that dreamweaver makes static pages only, and I wanted a blog setup, he raised his voice and said, 'Well, other people do it. Just figure it out." I know it can be done, but its a pain in the butt to do, wheras a blog making site doesn't make you move each individual post whenever you want to say something.
He says I can't lift the gate with one hand, to let my dog out, even though I've been doing it for 5 years. When I tried to show him, he shoved me out of the way and I got my elbow banged up.
He is being an ass to my mom, arguing with her over stupid stuff, like how potatoes should be made, even though he hasn't made any in the 23 years they've been married. He talks about how he's right, even though most of the time he ends up breaking something, like the shower head.
He keeps touching me, especially at my shoulders. My mom thinks I have some form of Fibromyalgia, because it hurts a LOT when someone touches me near my shoulders. I had a few bad burns on my shoulders, which could explain that. I ask him to stop and he says " I'm just playing" or "Shut up you're fine." When I was younger and it hurt even worse than normal, when he didn't stop after I asked him, I pushed him off. He shouted at me saying he should punch me in the face because of my actions. He still does it even though my mom talked to him about it. He was a grouch for the rest of the day, and it was my brothers birthday, so he ruined the day for him. He talks about not forgetting what happens, but my mom said that if either of us act like how he does when something doenst go our way, there'd be a storm cloud over our house.
He keeps talking about new world order and the fall into chaos and whatnot, ever since I was 8. Again, I asked him if he could stop 'talking about the scary stuff' at the dinner table, but he told me that it was better to be informed than to be a sheep. Thanks to him I have episodes where it feels like I jump into cold water, or I cry myself to sleep. I just fall into a panic for some reason and I can't function.
He yells at me to stand up straight, but my shoulders are hunched over all the time. I don't really know why, but it could be something like trying to hide that I'm fat or something. I worked 4 part time jobs once I turned 16, and my grades were starting to go down, but he said that it builds character, so I pushed through it. I asked to take the summer off for all of them, and we got into an argument about that as well, but I'm just tired all the time, and I need a rest for a while. It's getting harder for me to pay my part of the payments and bills, but I don't think I'm using as much electricity and water as they say I'm using. And they count the craft room as part of my square feet, even though I have a table in there, and my mom has the rest of the room.
He says to respect him because he's the head of the family, and whenever I ask him to treat me with respect, he says to go read the bible. He kept telling me that children were to be seen and not heard, and he'd get mad when I wouldn't tell him anything, because being 5, I took it literally.
He also says to lead by example, but he doesn't do it himself. He boasts about how he's different from other people and he's proud to be 'awake' about the impending doom, but whenever something tells him how ridiculous something is, he yells at them. All because they don't agree with what a talk show host in Texas tells him.
He brags about me not wanting a cell phone, and not wanting to hang out with people my age, and that I talk with people older and more mature, like that's a good thing. I want to be able to keep in touch with people, and two friends that I have are all nervous to talk on the phone, and so am I. They text each other, but I'm left out because I'm paralyzed to pick up the damn phone and call them. I want to hang out with people my age and find out what high school would be like, if its anything like Kim Possible or Danny Phantom. He pulled me from the public school system to be in online school so I could work better hours when the time came, and I do appreciate that, being able to work on school whenever I wanted, and finishing a year ahead because I got bored in middle school, but I also never saw another human being except when I work. Then its professional and I don't know anyone's' first name. He always talks about being a leader and doing everything the right way, but I do want to goof off and not worry about the world coming to an end for a day, but I'm scared to, because I don't know what I'd do. I have my friends on World of Warcraft that I used to talk to, but since I'm done with school, I can't play with them after I've finished my classes for the day. Normally its the opposite, but for me they don't like me being on the computer. I understand that it can damage your eyes and whatnot over time, but then why put me in an online school, and not letting me even check my e-mail to see if someone needs me to cover their shift. I get on and talk to them when I can, but it sucks not being a guild leader for them.
I don't know, I'm just tired of it. I have 5 months until I can move out, but its getting harder and harder to be happy with him around. He's very smart and everything, but I feel like he's made me miss out on a lot of things.
