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Author Topic: Help required to make a totally awesome bio.  (Read 1230 times)

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Offline Lupus!

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Help required to make a totally awesome bio.
« on: October 15, 2007, 10:22:45 AM »
Well, i've decided to join Nik & company's fursona contest and i need some advice. I've run into a writer's block. ><

What i've done so far is just written down stuff. Stuff that's about Kaj (This isn't really that hard, considering he's becoming what i'd like to be.)  But the thing is, Kaj is basically a modified rp character of mine. So it's hard to have the bio make sense. Well, i'll post what i have so far:

Kaj Toov. Founder of CanineCorp. The self-proclaimed mad scientist. A specialist in nuclear science and nanomachines. A slightly insane person.
Born and raised in Oslo, Norway. He moved to Trondheim and went to the university, where he studied nanomachines alongside with nuclear science in his free time. He got great grades and graduated after 3 years. However, he then started CanineCorp, which delivered new technology to the world. It allowed humans to become furs, as well as vice versa. Many major hospital and rich private persons bought them and thus, Kaj became a millionaire in very short time. He is often seen at social events and is described as a cheerful chap with a flare for Frank Sinatra. He doesn't drink, as he's only 17 and obviously underage. It doesn't seem to bother him, though, as he just enjoy a fine glass of cola. He's very polite, a true gentleman, treats ladies with respect and is one heck of a dancer. A friend of him joked that he was like Kira from Death Note in a way, saying that he was sure Kaj had one of those notebooks. Kaj does have a love for anime, though. Or rather, a love for japan. He's gone there twice now and is probably going there more.

...Now that i look at it, that's quite a lot.  omg  
Anyway, post advice quickly. I really need that advice.
...What would be a good signature...?

Oh, i know!

Faen! :D

Offline JFPulse

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Re: Help required to make a totally awesome bio.
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2007, 01:54:58 AM »
One of the biggest problems I see with your bio is actually a fairly common mistake among furries and online personalities in general when they develop bios. That is, your character is far too exceptional and powerful to be considered realistic or believable even in a fictional setting. Do you really expect me to believe that Kaj was able to master and develop nuclear, genetic, and nano technologies to levels far beyond what the world has ever seen all before he turned 17? That's a super-genius level up there with Lex Luthor. I can suspend my disbelief only so far.

My advice is to tone it down a bit. Advancing Kaj's age a few years to bring him more in line with other doctorates would help. He can still be a genius at the top of his class who graduated a few years early, but at least put him in his mid 20s. Also, perhaps he didn't found CanineCorp himself, but he's just one of their key players among a large group of dedicated scientists. Very rarely do scientists become the business heads of multi-million dollar companies.

I like the slight insanity. It's a common quirk among geniuses of his level. I'd like to see you flesh that out a bit. Go into some detail about how his insanity manifests and affects his life. You also have some excellent and original detail with regards to his social life. Keep that up.

Other than that, you just need to clean up your presentation a little. Your grammar is good for the most part, but you need to work on getting your sentences to flow together. Right now it reads like a series of bullet points. Well, that's about all I have. I hope it helps, and good luck in the contest.
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Offline Lupus!

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Re: Help required to make a totally awesome bio.
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2007, 07:42:08 AM »
This wasn't meant to be something i'd post anything. It's way too messy and i know that. Thanks A LOT for the input. Very helpful.  :th_Pyong-1:
...What would be a good signature...?

Oh, i know!

Faen! :D

Offline Lupus!

  • Chatty Cheetah
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  • awards This user has been a forum member for over 10 years
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  • Far away... This ship has taken me far away...
    • Awards
  • Species: Norwegian wolf.
  • Coloring: Black with dark grey fur on chest, stomach and inner thighs.
  • Height: 179 cm
  • Weight: 57 kg
  • Build: Could eat more.
Re: Help required to make a totally awesome bio.
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2007, 08:26:40 PM »
The final version! :D

Kaj Aksel Toov. Co-Founder of CanineCorp. The self-proclaimed mad scientist. A specialist and genius the field of nuclear science and nanomachines. A slightly insane person.
Born and raised in Oslo, Norway. He moved to Trondheim and went to the university, where he studied nanomachines alongside with nuclear science in his free time. He got great grades and graduated after 3 years. He proceeded to get a job at R.A.T. inc. (Research and technology), which delivered new technology to the world. Kaj worked efficiently at the tasks he was given, developing a device of his home, once more in his free time. After 2 years, he had a prototype and decided to show it to the R.A.T. executives. Although, he had been working on it for a total of 6 years now. It was based on nuclear radiation's power to change one's genes and he found a way to manifest that change. The result was a machine able to turn you into anything you wanted to be. Kaj and 14 other members of R.A.T got permission to create their own department of the company, which they named CanineCorp, since the members were all canines. After 4 more years, they had finally finished the product and it was ready for testing. The testing period lasted for a month, which is when they decided it was finished. They were a bit surprised at how quick the testing went. A machine this complex should've been tested for a year, maybe, but they had no problems at all. The design seemed to be flawless. They spent another 6 months on the marketing strategy. Something like this was completely new and would probably change the world forever. At the end of those 6 months, they went on a press conference and showed the product to the public and even did a live performance. Next thing you know, Kaj was a worldwide celebrity. He was wanted on thousands of talk shows and other things. Oprah, Letterman, even the big ones in Norway. He tried to attend as many as he could, but after about 6 months of worldwide touring, Kaj settled down and rested. Thanks to him, many people, furs and non-furs alike, got the opportunity to become what they've wanted to be. and Kaj also made sure they were within reasonable prices. Many major hospital and rich private persons bought the technology from him and thus, Kaj became a millionaire in very short time.

Kaj, as a person, is quite strange, really. His genius is unquestionable, but his habits are. He often laughs sinisterly, creepily resembling a mad scientist. He likes to wear a lab coat, all-buttoned up and his hair all messed up, which makes him look like the wolfen version of Doc Brown from Back to the Future. But he only dressed up like that once. He normally dresses in a more sloppy way with a simple t-shirt and jeans. He likes to wear hats, as he can be seen with different hats all the time, from beanies to berets to sombreros. Also, he likes to wears various necklaces and rings and they always have some sort of meaning to them. Even a mood ring. He's also a bit lazy and often needs his workmates to knock him out of sleep, literally. However, when he gets hit by a arrow of inspiration, he often works for 30 hours straight and since he doesn't need as much sleep, he goes down for a couple of hours and wakes up to work even more. He's also described as 'kind when it's needed'. He could give you 200 dollars, if you need to pay your rent, or else you'll get thrown out of the apartment, but if you need that money for a poker game, he won't give a cent. Well, maybe if you're a good friend. He believes in true friendship and has a eye for quality. He likes: video games, his computer, friends and taco. He loves tacos. He dislikes: Dishonesty, bullies and mint flavor. He often prefers being 17 years old, because it gives him a reason not to drink and he likes that age. Not too young and not too old. And his I.D lets him get into parties anyway.He is often seen at social events and is described as a cheerful chap with a flare for Frank Sinatra. He's very polite, a true gentleman, treats people with respect and ladies even more so. He is also one heck of a singer, he has been compared with Dean Martin on many occasions. His workers often heard him sing as he worked and encouraged him to take up singing professionally. He took their advice and is now a very good singer. He has gotten some singing lessons in the last year and can at least hit the correct notes. He also seems to have a natural ear for rhythm. He easily finds rhythms and would probably be a good dancer, too.

Right now, he's stepped into the medical scene and is busy developing fake blood that's usable with any blood type, as well as fake fur for burn victims. If humans can get their skin back, why shouldn't furs get their fur back? Other than that, he's living his life with great joy. He does his best for furkind and throws a few private parties once in a while. He's also got a mate, who he's trying to keep secret from the media. That's actually very easy when you can stay in your house 24/7 and have servants go and buy food and the like for you. Rumors say it's a vixen, but nothing more. So he's just living his life like a regular fur (although a whole lot richer), basically working on his projects and making sure to chill out, as he puts it. He won't be stopping with this for a long time. He's having too much fun.


If you see something you feel i should know, like stuff that sounds wrong, post it quickly. Other than that, i'll have to say this. GLAD TO GET THIS DONE!  ^_^V

Edited it a little bit. It's a liiiitle bit longer, but it's still within the 1000 word limit! :P
« Last Edit: October 30, 2007, 11:53:37 AM by Kaj Toov »
...What would be a good signature...?

Oh, i know!

Faen! :D

 

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