I need help. Please

[FallenStar12]

Hello. I literally have never been onto this site before and only just made a random anonymous account so that nothing i say here will have any affect.

You dont need to know any of my details or anything. I just need help <REMOVED>

I currently am in a Long Distance relationship with someone who i cant stop loving. But recently it has been biting me in the back.

Over the past few months, he has been alright. Just occasional super little things. Now i have no idea how things work here or if there is a different ethics system in this fandom but i just know what i think is right.

A month ago he had got himself some art <REMOVED> I was originaly like "Wtf ok, nice to know about this before and stuff. Am i not exciting you enough? Because im not as into the fandom as you?" and i got really pissed.

he then was like "Something i dont see as big might offend you." and im like well shit ok, i cant handle this right now. And it took me like a solid 3 days or so to get over that.

I feel like now is a good time to mention i am on about 6 pills a day to control my skin, cus i had grafting from melanoma and this forces the layers up so that it doesnt look like shit or anything. But then i had to take another drug so it wouldnt **censor** up my low blood pressure. One of the rare Side effects of the main drug is depression and i succum to it and fell very clinical. My doctor then gave me antidepressants and ANOTHER drug so that an infection wont propagate from the antidepiressants mixing with the original drug i was meant to take. So my life is pretty shit. And of course all that "I get bullied at school and my family yells at me." shit that you hear from people, but i honestly have just learnt to accept that everything they say is true.

anyway i forgot where i was. Oh yeah the art
So i looked in the fandom and i was like "alright, so maybe it is normal for couples to get art <REMOVED>" and i just decided to ment my heart. I told him how much it hurt me and he knew that and i said "Just let me know ok." and he said ok. But then, but a month later a different piece with the exact same fur on it as the last one and i had not heard a single word about this. HE didnt even make a tiny **censor** bit of effort to hide it. He obviously knew it was happening/posted because he **censor** commented on it like "thanks for getting this done." and then my heart sank.

and that happened about 5 mins before typing this. <REMOVED>

help please. This isnt some sappy attempt to get popularity. I just google searched Furry help and made an account here to get advice.

[HollowOfHaze]

I am so sorry to hear about what you've been through.

You should have a pretty serious talk with your boyfriend about why he's been getting into everything that he had been. I am sure that could shed some light on recent events. You should also start reconsidering your relations with him.

Cutting is not the solution, despite what first impressions might lead you to believe. The scars do not go away.

I'm in the US, so times zones might be a bit screwy, but if you want to talk with someone who will listen, feel free to send me a message or something. I'd be happy to help in any way I can.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find peace in these difficult times.

[Cheza]

Cutting does NOT help. It's NOT ok for people to get art like that with other peoples characters unless both have agreed on it beforehand (in my opinion at least).


If he treats you that badly and doesn't care about how you feel, is he really worth it? I know it might be hard, but if he's only causing you more grief than joy it might be best to put your foot down and really tell him how you feel, talk through everything, and if he can't respect how you feel about this or compromise or anything it might be for the best to just let go. He obviously doesn't seem to care about you as much as you care about him and the whole thing is clearly getting to you.
Alternatively, why not try to join the fandom and ask him to only get art with your character instead? It could maybe solve the issue too.


And if things would be beyond saving, remember that it's better to be alone than in a destructive relationship. You deserve to be treated better and have a partner who at the very least can respect your feelings.


And finally, that other thing might give some illusion of temporary relief, but I'd advice you to stop before it becomes a habit. I used to do it too a few years ago, and it took me years to stop it. And the scars are still visible and hard to explain. It's better to just do something else. Write something (It doesn't have to be anything that makes sense. Just writing down all the emotions you feel at the moment goes a long way), draw something (also doesn't have to look like anything), go for a walk, listen to music, talk to someone you trust... Almost anything but that is better.

[FallenStar12]

Id also like to add that this is more about the fact that i dont know weather or not to trust him with anything. not the art itself

[HollowOfHaze]

If he hasn't been very open with his intentions for so long, I wouldn't consider him very trustworthy at all.

[FallenStar12]

is me telling him to only get art with my character controling him? I dont know. It would make me feel good about it but i honestly dont know if im coming off as controling or not.

[Cheza]

That's not controlling at all. It's a perfectly reasonable thing.

[FallenStar12]

Even still. There is that little voice in the back of my mind saying like "You can tell him to ONLY get art with you but you still will have no idea if its happening behind your back and you will never know." and that voice is honestly just consuming my every thought. He could literally  be doing ANYTHING he wants and i would have no idea because i believed this "I promise" Bullshit he comes up with

[HollowOfHaze]

I honestly think that it is unreasonable to keep relations with someone who cannot be trusted. It cannot end well.

[FallenStar12]

Is that my fault for not trusting him? I just feel like im being unreasonable wiht every action i take

[HollowOfHaze]

It is not your fault for doubting him. It is completely rational. Considering how things have been going from what you've described, it is in your best interest to take doubt in whatever he tells you. Consider what he might be hiding.

[FallenStar12]

okay. well thank you. I am glad i got what i came here for. Advice i needed to hear, not what i wanted to hear. I think i might just stick with this form as much as possible as the community (based on you two) seems nice enough to stick around til i feel a sliver of self confidence. Cheers mate

[HollowOfHaze]

I am glad to see that we have reached a resolution. I hope that everything in the future goes well for you.


Stay safe Star.

[anoni]

Be very careful, I find a lot of people put the importance of romantic relationships above and beyond the important of anything else. We've always been taught as children, teenagers, adults, through the media, TV, schools and books that LOVE is the ultimate source of happiness, and because we're taught that we believe it, but in reality it is not the case. Love is a good thing and it is a source of happiness but it's not the only one. You need to learn to realize that, realize that you don't need your boyfriend to be happy, and if he's not trustworthy and he's doing these things, than he's not worth you.

  I suppose it's a self-confidence thing as well in a way, in your entire conversation you've been constantly rationalizing his behavior, as if you're in the bad and he's in the good. But you have to stand up for yourself and realize that in this scenario, you're in the good and you don't need him to be happy. Even if you don't break up, showing a bit of self-confidence and strength will make him listen this time, without him just ignoring you. People respect someone who is able to stand up for themselves.

  Good luck!