Tired of being alone

[Ho'en Diheart]

I kinda knew I am loner for as long as I could then remember, just shrugged it off simply because I was content. It was up recently that I'm beginning to feel the effects of being lonely. I'm certain it began with first gf. We first met at a Christian church camp, when I was 13. My first thought was something similar along the fact I was gonna spend a lot of time with her. We did. She gave me her number the end of the church experience, but she broke up with me shortly after, was devastated. Hooked up again a year later, but broke up a year later. It was a on and off kind of thing. The last time we dated, I thought we'd be a sure thing. But she wanted something search for "something". You know the rest. The weird thing was I recovered quick. I guess her breaking up with me so much soften the blow in the end or something. It was near the end my high school when she broke up with me. I kinda failed school, got a job shortly after and decided to focus on my life. I was just wondering around aimlessly for 2 years, before i met my 2nd girlfriend. We really did get along well, but I freaked myself out by thinking too much. I know it's mainly because i was avoiding heart ache in the long run, mine or hers? Doesn't matter now. It's been two years, still working myself(kinda sucked too because it felt like it went by so fast). I decided try again, not going so well. I'm still socially awkward. Tried online, some place are free some paid(never paid for them I got bills to pay!). I try to go with honesty. Months go by without a single reply. I mean, I'm not ugly inside or out. Nor an I saying I'm perfect because who is? Is my standards too high? No, but I will say that I do have to feel attracted to them physically (I blame basic human nature.). I'm basically a non-prejudiced person, I praise and insult everyone with equal value. Point is I can wait patiently, but you can only wait for so long. Is this a pity rant? Sort of, but that's part of human nature. We are a sociable species, it's proven we die if we are alone. Babies must have human interaction or they die. People gone insane from isolation, ie. Only two fears in my life, family is dead following by being alone. Yea I got friends to hang out with but everyone got their on life to live, their own dreams to full fill. I got them too, one of them is to raise a family. Not happening any time soon..... so you can see part of my problem. The other half I don't feel like getting into. I honestly don't know what to do. Mainly because I just go where life takes me, not now, but soon. I never thought up ahead because I'm always so caught up right now.

[anoni]

  I generally find looking for a relationship often means you won't get one, relationships come in a way that is out of your control and when you try to force a relationship into your life it usually fails. My suggestion for you is to try and hang out with your friends whether they're work buddies or other kind of friends. You need to socialize a lot with people in a non-romantic way, try and get out and do more things such as going to parties or activities that your friends are doing or have invited you too. You spend more time with your friends you'll work on those social skills and become less socially awkward. If you go to the outings that your friends are going to (or have invited you too) you have a much greater chance, as well, of meeting new people and who knows what can happen.

  Remember, girlfriends aren't the only important people, friends are very important and I think the best way to find a girlfriend is through a friend.

[Ho'en Diheart]

You are right about me socializing more, though it's kinda hard when most of your friends are guys and or couples. But you are right about that.

[Felines Purr]

Wise words from Anoni.

Another thing is social pressure which makes the "I'm so goddamn alone" feeling even worse, you see couples around you (friends, family, randoms) and think gosh.. why can't I be like that, and there it is.. an extra dose of "I'm such a social awkward loner"
Like Anoni said, just live your life and stuff will eventually always get on your path except of course you stay in the same awkward social position right now, which i s behind your computer ;3

[Salix]

I'm actually content being alone.  Sure, I've had relationships with guys, girls, and transsexuals but it's never to last. They've broken up with me, I've broken up with them, the emotional abuse me... I leave.  But I've always have more fun when I'm alone.  Although the last time was probably the best as I had a friend who liked to have sex for the sake of sex.  Nothing more.  Worked out well for us.  Ah, but that's gone now.
I just feel that I'm free to do what I want, when I want, and how I want.  Hm, sounds like Shake. And when I'm around others... well, I don't.  If I want to go to bed at 8am but they prefer to go to bed at a reasonable time... it just doesn't work.  That's not really a good example... but it's all the little things.  And I hate conflict.  Conflict will happen regardless of how happy two are.  Something about close proximity for extended periods of time.
Not giving the other person all the blame here.  I have issues.  Like having a complete lack of empathy.  It's not willful lack, it's psychological... and can't help it.  In addition, I probably as Aspergers... but that's not diagnosed.  I just have certain traits that fit it (yeah, I know, falling into the "first-med student" erroneous self-diagnosis).

[juliet]

The thing is, you have to wait. You have friends an I'm sure you have family, just hang around them until someone nice pops up. It happens in the way you least expect it to. So just live normally. That's all I really have to say on the matter xD


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