Advice/ words of wisdom?

[NautilusWolf]

As of (approximately) two weeks, I broke up with whom I thought was the perfect girl. Now, normally I don't tell people, let alone the internet, my problems but I could use some fellow furs to back me up and keep me from getting knocked down. One week after Valentine's Day, my (ex)girlfriend sat with me at lunch and asked me what was wrong. I have Obsessive compulsive disorder and depression. I can typically brush off the depression, for it isn't as severe as most (it's hereditary). She asked me what was wrong, and those with depression know nothing can be wrong, but the depression is still there. Now, along with typical depression, I was crippled by the memory of my great grandmother Zelda (yes, it's really her name, I get a lot of skeptics on the matter), because every valentines day, me, my mother, sister, and grandmother visited her in her bed as she laid in pain. But God, that woman was tough, she hid every ounce of pain to shelter us from its debilitating weight. This was the first year I would no longer be able to visit her. Getting back to the main point, I told her for what seemed the 10th time, I have depression and OCD. she got up and sat at an adjacent bench and I asked her why. She replied "talk to me when you're done being depressed." I later had a talk with her after school in which she stated that "depression is not a mental illness."  I further tried to explain it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, but she told be "when I see definite proof of it being a mental illness, I will believe it."  After diverting to another topic, she asked me if we'd rather be friends. I said sure. It is roughly 3 weeks later, and we haven't talked much since. I told her everything, I poured my soul out to her. I told her my biggest fear, being alone, in the sense of no one to love/love me. My family is supportive in the aspect of mental illness, but not my being a Furry and my hobby of airsoft. I feel empty. I feel like I'm fighting a war with myself. My life is good, but it feels empty. I AM EMPTY. This is why I am reaching out to fellow furs. I would love to meet some other furs in person, because the fandom is what feels like my real family. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I needed to get this off my chest.
- the local Wolf-Fox
Haden

[anoni]

Now, you must understand that depression is a very controversial mental illness. You see, depression is a mental disorder, but it's not a mental disease, it's important to note the difference. A mental disorder simply means "something is out of the ordinary", there is a disorder in your mental state. A mental disease is what you're describing, something that causes a permanent, physical malfunction of the brain. You mention chemicals in the brain and I'm glad you did, a lot of people reckon that an imbalance of hormones and chemicals is proof that depression is a physical disease and not a disorder. However, chemical changes occur in the brain all the time, when you're happy your brains chemical balance changes, when you're sad your brains chemical balance changes, when you're anxious your brains chemical balance changes and when you're depressed your brains chemical balance changes. Depression would be a disease if it was caused BY the chemical balance, but most scientists believe the chemical balance is caused BY the depression, that is the depression is simply like any other emotion, but longer lasting and abnormal.

  That said, depression is still an abnormality of the mental state, and because of that you can't simply "not be depressed" like you can't simply "not be sad". Also, depression is the state of being sad for a long period of time, so it'd take a quite a long time for you to "stop being depressed", so in that sense your ex-GF was incorrect and misinformed. But I believe you're also misinformed on what depression is. A lot of people incorrectly assume that depression and anxiety is something permanent that stays with you forever, that even if you're happy the depression "is still there, lurking in the back of your mind". If you think of this in a form of neuroscience, this doesn't really make sense, there's no "backup" or "stored" emotions, emotions are based on the chemical state of your brain, so it doesn't make sense to say that your "depression is always there" when you're happy, because your current brains state is happy and no other emotion. I think when people do say that, it causes problems, because psychology also shows that expectations of something changes our mood on that thing. That is, if you did a boring task but thought the task would be fun, you'd have a better time than doing a boring task thinking the task would be boring. So, in this way, when someone believes depression is out of their control and permanent, they will be more likely to be depressed over a longer period of time, because they [expect] to be depressed and thus adhere further to depression.

  Depression can be caused by many things, but like everything it comes down to genetics and environment. Your personality says a lot about whether or not you'll become depressed, if you're someone who sees more negative things in a scenario than positive, you'll be more likely to become depressed (this is not BAD or GOOD it's just a personality). But, environment is also important, because even if you see more negative things in a scenario than positive things, if you have a good environment then there's not many negative things to see and you won't become depressed. That said if you've got a non-depressive personality, but have a terrible environment, then you will also be depressed (though you'd need a worse environment than if you had a depressive personality). So, like every other human personality trait, it comes down to genetics and environment. (So in a sense, it's still out of your control really. You aren't "weak" for being depressed, it's just how your personality and environment have intertwined)

Here's some reading about the state of depression as a mental disorder, what it means and some misinformation people believe.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-depression-if-not-a-mental-illness/000896
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1508784/pdf/amjph00009-0024.pdf (this is just about publics perception on mental disorders as a whole, it's interesting but doesn't really support/defeat my point, just an interesting read really)
http://www.webmd.com/depression/mental-health-depression (Here's a web-MD view of depression. You may notice that it is entirely based on symptons, the classification of the disease is not treated as chemical imbalances or physical malfunctions, but simply the symptons of depression. You may also know it states depression is not permanent (or infers it).)

[NautilusWolf]

Thank you, this was very helpful. In my case, it's pretty manageable most of the time, but the problem was being with someone who didn't understand the disorder. Also, thanks for helping distinguish the line of illness and disorder. It's pretty common to use them interchangeably (which I had done). I have been employing better coping skills to better handle the times it does get bad since then.

[NautilusWolf]

I'm starting to come to terms with my sexuality. I'm bisexual, but my family is southern baptist, Christian (kind of stuck up, absolutely stubborn), and I don't know how they'd take it. It may just be the fear. I'm starting to accept who I am, but they took me being atheist pretty hard. A little help? I've always known (I guess) that I was bi, but I was too scared. Now, those that don't understand this kind of stuff are likely to say, "oh, you just want to 'fill any hole'," but it's DEFINITELY NOT that. I just love people for themselves. Isn't that as it should be? How would I break it to them? Please help.

[Twilight Rose]

On the Zelda bit, the character was named after the author Scott Fitzgerald's wife, Zelda. It's an old Yiddish name not used  much anymore, meaning something along the lines of "blessed." It's a beautiful name.


On depression, I know the feeling; I have depression, insomnia, and generalized anxiety with panic attacks. My depression has gotten a lot better, but, to add to anoni, depression can refer to two things: extended sadness, and depressive disorder, which, unlike the former, doesn't necessarily go away once it's "gone." I'm not super well-read on it, but I believe it's essentially a genetic predisposition toward the chemical imbalance we call depression. Thus why sometimes it will go away permanently, sometimes not. The hard part is that it, by its very nature, makes it difficult to be happy enough to climb out of the hole it digs for you.


And on the bisexuality bit, my personal advice, since I don't know your parents, is not to mention it until it becomes relevant. Don't keep it a secret if doing so hurts you, but don't go out of your way if you don't feel you need to. And please, if you're asked, don't lie to them; honesty is the best policy in most cases for this.

[MaskaTheOtter]

I just love people for themselves. Isn't that as it should be? How would I break it to them? Please help.

Yes that is how it should be. I know that humans can be unable to understand but I know what you are saying. And when it comes to telling your family, Understand that there is no rush to come out right away. You will know when the time is right and once you do it will feel like the weight of the world was just lifted off your shoulders. and know that you will always have the support of me and just about everyone else here. We are here for you. I am here for you

[NautilusWolf]

Thanks Rose, and thank you Maska. You guys are the best! I just feel uncomfortable not telling them, but when the time is right, I'll come out. (They still don't know I'm a furry    Even after 5 years.) I'm fortunate to have you and the furry fandom at my 6.

[anoni]

Remember there's no time limit to telling them.

In my experience telling people of your sexuality gives a sort of peace-of-mind, but it'd make things worse if they react badly. You could try telling close friends first and telling more and more people until you have the courage to tell your parents. You can do that whenever though, no rush.