Trouble w/ Friend

[Rhoryc]

From the Everyday Ranting thread...

My best friend is ruining his life. He didn't pay attention to education, so he dropped out of high school. He obtained multiple jobs, but got fired from all of them because he wouldn't go. He went for military training, but got kicked out dude to a foot injury... never went back. He says he wants to go to college, but never applies. Now he has said "screw it" and has adopted an anti-establishment mindset. He doesn't do anything now. No one but myself ever speaks to him like an adult and no one tells him what he is really doing to his own future. I care about him, but he is surrounded by people who encourage him to think the way he currently does (which in the long run will accomplish nothing). Now he won't listen to me at all because I'm a "conformist". I know what's important in life is different for everyone, but he refuses to take things seriously or put any thought into his own actions. He doesn't really know what he wants, he just rolls with the punches thrown by complete laziness. At this point I feel like giving up on him, but I really don't want to see him end up regretting his decisions later on in life. He has no drive to do anything and no goals set for himself, and only harm can come of that...harm to himself and the people that care about him.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really worried. He has no reason to think the way he does, yet he has some extreme (borderline sociopathic) opinions... His outlook on humanity is of an existential nihilistic nature, which I KNOW for a fact isn't really what he thinks. He's so rooted in his opinions that he refuses to listen to reason (though again, he himself has none). I asked him a simple question, "Where do you see yourself in 30 years?" to which he answered, "Wherever I end up."There's nothing more I can do. I've tried to talk to him, but he just shuts me down and calls me blind. I know this all makes him sound crazy, but he really isn't! I know why he thinks the way he does, but it in no way justifies it. If anything, it works against him. I suppose the only way he'll learn is to experience it, to live in absolute misery, desperation, and desolation. I don't want to see it happen, but it seems like the only way at this point.

What else can I do?

[WingedZephyr]

Tuck is probably right, sadly. Your options as his friend might vary a little bit depending on the reasons why he has become this way, but when it comes down to it, sometimes you just have to accept that you can't control him. By all means, as his friend you should be there for him and try to help him through this rough patch in his life. Some people will never be willing to listen though, and will simply have to recognize and learn from their own mistakes in their own time. I'm sure it's a tough situation to be in as his friend, but it's just how some people are.

But whatever you do, don't let his attitude about life pull you down with him. Separate yourself from him if you need to, even if it's just temporarily. No matter how much you care about him, his choices are not your responsibility. Worrying yourself over it won't change anything. All you can do is try to point him in the right direction; he has to make the decision to actually follow that direction.

In the meantime, if it makes you feel any better, just try to trust that he will find his way eventually. The mistakes he's making now might end up being a catalyst to make him a better person someday. Even if he doesn't have a job or goals now doesn't mean it will always be that way. People can make wrong choices and still end up being healthy and happy years later. Sometimes these sort of things have a strange way of working out in the end.

[Rhoryc]

Yeah, you're probably right. I really shouldn't worry myself so much about it, but I just know that he'll end up regretting his decisions later on in life. He's been hanging around like-minded people and watching docugandas about this sort of anti-establishment thing and he's taking it a bit too seriously (to the point where he gave up his religion). I'm hoping this is just some sort of phase that he'll grow out of.

[BakaFawkes]

The hardest thing to do is watch someone else struggle. But, you can only do what you can do (I'll explain).
Be there for him when he needs you, but don't spend your life trying to fix his. It's his decision, you can only give him a second thought before he makes the choice.