In about 4 hours I'll be heading out to see my father. This will be the first time I've seen him in about a year and a half. Last time I left him wondering after saying this final sentence, "Oh yeah. I'm gay.". This time there won't be a pane of glass between us. I should mention that he is in prison for the next 14 years. Now when I see him he can hug me and what not.
I'm nervous. Quite nervous. Mostly for the reason of not having seen him in such a long time. In a nearly two year span people can change, especially in such different worlds. Last I saw he was mortally depressed and had lost around 100 pounds it seemed. Me, I might have grown a bit and I've definitely opened up to my feminine side more.
I'm also nervous because I'm uncertain of my feelings. What he did was terrible and it put my life on a completely new track. Well, two years later and I'm still a bit derailed. The recovery process might take longer than anyone could have expected. Back to what I was saying... I'm uncertain of me feelings so I won't know how to react. I'm upset with him for sure. But would I also be happy to see him? I don't know. And if I'm not then how should I show it? He might have done terrible things, but I don't want him to feel worse off than what he's surely feeling already. I'm just not that kind of person to burden people.
My younger brother will be there with me so his presence might give me courage. This is going to be a tough thing to get through. I'll tell you all how it went on my return.
Post Merge: January 19, 2013, 11:57:45 AM
Off I go.
Topic: Visiting my father (Read 334 times)