Wall of text; listen to me whine about my orientation

[Ottersmash]

So, I've been having a crisis over my orientation these past few weeks.

Just enough of what attracts me to someone is emotional/intellectual that I can have what I guess is a surface attraction to guys. It's nothing like the way it is for women, and it's never really gone beyond shallow lust or a crush to reach the "relationship" level where I'd call it love. I never really even liked the sex, I just thought their snarky sense of humor or whatever was kinda hot. Nonetheless, I've dated almost exclusively guys even after I accepted being bisexual when I was just coming into my teens. For the past three years or so now that I'm out of my teens, I've generally kept the voice telling me that something isn't right about how I'm doing this buried very, very deep.

I won't say it to my family who rejected my bisexuality, I won't say it to my friends who were accepting and I'm sure would be accepting still, I won't even say it seriously to myself some days, but I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian. I guess I've just been... scared. I'm scared still.

I've been told that my "real friends" wouldn't leave me over something like this, and I believe that. The people closest to me, I could never ask for better. But what about the vast network of other people I hang out with? The friends of friends in all the games I play, everyone I work with and am going to start working with if I can get in on lake conservation and working in the local shelters, which is what I really want to do with my life? They don't need to know, no, but would, say, an off-handed reference to -my name here-'s girlfriend change anything? Lose me my standing in the communities I rely on for support and socializing - my place in the world?

Almost all of my friends are guys, online and off. Call it mannerisms, call it interests, whatever it is I generally don't connect to other girls the way I do to guys. I have a few female friends who are just as awesome as any of the guys, but they're few and far between. This has always made it easy to get a date as a bisexual, albeit with a guy... but if I'm a lesbian, am I just going to be alone forever? I feel like the last girl any girl who likes girls would ever want, and I guess it just stings my pride.

What about my family? When I tried to come out to my mother about being bisexual, it was passed off as a phase. Granted, that's much better than being thrown out or lectured about how I'm going to hell - people have been through worse when coming out - but that was the end of it. She refused to hear it, because we've all had our silly little girl crushes in our teenage years, right?

It's several years and a few girlfriends later, and nothing's changed. Well, nothing in the heterosexual direction, anyway. She can't bury her head in the sand forever, especially if I do wind up falling in love with a girl and not wanting to hide her away like some dark secret. I'm just wondering what the day she has to really look this in the face is going to be like. One of my uncles when I was growing up was gay, and even though she had some misgivings about it she was still close to him. I just hope it's the same when it's her own daughter.

Some days it's just easier to bury my own head in the sand.

[Puncia]

Walls of text when the contents is thought out and well written, should be saluted.

In my opinion when it comes to sexuality and orientation, I always end up with the same conclusion, and that is to not bother with it.

Honestly. In my eyes it's that simple. People's opinions, feelings and tastes change. Why should it be any different with love? Maybe you're going through a period. It may last for 30 years before you even think of a man. Maybe you won't ever be attracted to men again.

But know that it doesn't change you more than what you let it change you. Sure, you'll perhaps have a few less to pick from but I hardly think you'll be alone. Maybe it's got more to do with how you act towards women because you've been more used to flirting with men? It's hard to tell when I don't know you.

My point is that sexuality is overrated. Today you want beef for dinner and you want to listen to that new hip hop album you got. Tomorrow, you'd rather listen to rock while enjoying a great salad. Don't stress it.

[WingedZephyr]

I've had friends who have done the "sexuality mentioned in an off-handed comment" kind of thing, and it wasnt really a big deal. I was just kind of surprised, took a couple seconds to process it, and then moved on with the conversation at hand. There's probably always going to be people who disagree with any kind of homosexuality, but as a whole, you might be surprised to find how many could be accepting of it. Especially if you treat it as not a big deal, others often do the same.

Based on what you said, it sounds to me like your mother could very well be accepting of your decision. She may not like to hear about it at first, but give her time.

Everything will be okay, one way or another. Live your life, be yourself, and don't waste the time worrying about what others will think about you.

[Ottersmash]

Walls of text when the contents is thought out and well written, should be saluted.

In my opinion when it comes to sexuality and orientation, I always end up with the same conclusion, and that is to not bother with it.

Honestly. In my eyes it's that simple. People's opinions, feelings and tastes change. Why should it be any different with love? Maybe you're going through a period. It may last for 30 years before you even think of a man. Maybe you won't ever be attracted to men again.

But know that it doesn't change you more than what you let it change you. Sure, you'll perhaps have a few less to pick from but I hardly think you'll be alone. Maybe it's got more to do with how you act towards women because you've been more used to flirting with men? It's hard to tell when I don't know you.

My point is that sexuality is overrated. Today you want beef for dinner and you want to listen to that new hip hop album you got. Tomorrow, you'd rather listen to rock while enjoying a great salad. Don't stress it.

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like a different person for being bisexual or lesbian, I'm more worried about... other people. The exteriors. I don't have the luxury of not caring, as I've been told by a few, since I do need my family and friends. Minnesota is a relatively LGBT-friendly place, though, so perhaps there's not all that much to worry about even if I lose a few...

For every female acquaintance I make, though, there's probably about ten guy friends. I'm not even sure it has anything to do with flirting, since I don't flirt with people when we're just meeting. It's kind of silly. I just don't feel like I even have a pool to fish in.

I've had friends who have done the "sexuality mentioned in an off-handed comment" kind of thing, and it wasnt really a big deal. I was just kind of surprised, took a couple seconds to process it, and then moved on with the conversation at hand. There's probably always going to be people who disagree with any kind of homosexuality, but as a whole, you might be surprised to find how many could be accepting of it. Especially if you treat it as not a big deal, others often do the same.

Based on what you said, it sounds to me like your mother could very well be accepting of your decision. She may not like to hear about it at first, but give her time.

Everything will be okay, one way or another. Live your life, be yourself, and don't waste the time worrying about what others will think about you.

Even if it's not the local community, it's nice to hear that people have been able to mention that and still have everything be normal. Thank you.

[Count of Cutesy]

Let me just say that I have a sister who happens to be a Lesbian, and I could honestly care less, because I don't believe there's anything wrong with it.

[josh_down]

i used to get myself very worked up about whether i was gay or bisexual or pansexual or whatever you want to call it. and, to be honest in this world now one of the last things that's worth worrying about is whatever tag you put on yourself. these words like 'lesbian' and 'bisexual' are literally just tags. they don't say anything about us. for example, i call myself gay, but i'm still sexually attracted to girls. i'm never going to start a relationship with one in a million years, but i am still sexually attracted to them. i can sense that some people would get really heated up at me for this if i let them... but it's really not worth stressing about.

of course you can't help it though... it's something we must all go through is a sense of self-identity.

something i suggest doing is keeping a private diary about yourself. not just about this, but about all the insular feelings you have. it's something i've taken too recently and when you go back and re-read it, it's like you're reading someone else's diary, so you can take a look at yourself from someone else's perspective. it's really helped me with a few problems with depression and anger issues i've been having recently.

i hope life starts treating you better though my friend.

[NemiShawn]

I cant add much to what's already been said - labels really dont matter that much. Sexuality is fluid.
For me, if it comes up in conversation, I say I'm bisexual - but that doesn't even begin to cover what attracts me sexually.
I used to be very wary of telling anyone about my sexuality, for much the same reasons. Will I be accepted? Will I be rejected? But the truth is, the people in your life that truly love you and care for you will accept you whatever. It might take your mum some time to get used to the idea, but I'm sure that she'll soon be ok with it. My mum thought I was going through a phase at first, but she knows now. My whole family know, and its easier for them not to mention or talk about my gay side, but they still love me.
On the flip side, myself and one of my male colleagues will happily point out the hot women when they come in the shop
You wont be alone forever my friend, you'll grow into yourself and find like-minded people. I hope things get better for you real soon xx

[Sij]

As far as the exterior people go, I would say that its easy to find friends. The only hard one is finding best friends. But if you already have them, then I would go as far as to say, don't be scared of your sexuality. You don't have to fit the stereotypes to be gay. I'm gay myself, but you wouldn't be able to tell at all if you met me irl. As far as being alone. Maybe you can look around at local gay bars (My apologies if you are too young). Or maybe join a website like myyearbook to meet new people. I don't think you'll be alone. There are more gay people than you think.