I'm done… no, seriously.

[CZAtion]

ok, as I've said in my previous posts, I've been having A LOT, and I mean… A LOT of trouble with school and stuff lately. Literally, my life is quickly becoming my personal hell; with me being the only one affected. And I'm not being melodramatic here, I literally am feeling down all the time, and nothing ever has been going the way I want it for almost 2 years now.

Here's my current status (4/4/16):
 • no girlfriend

 • no tools to make great youtube content anymore

 • school relentlessly bothering me with bullshit

 • my school schedule becoming total shit and bad for my health, and I also can't change my schedule ;( … yay me, right?

 • not even the smallest shred of popularity

 • and the list goes, on, and on, and on…

----

Now let me tell you a story about something that happened last week.

Ok, I walked into my world history class after the STARR exam. Unsurprisingly, as soon as I walk in, my teacher calls me over to his desk and interrogates the shit out of me because he saw me walking out of school to get picked up. This was something from yesterday. Ok, I would have been mildly annoyed if this was on any other day; however, the fact that it was on a FRIDAY, AND AFTER A **censor** STANDARDIZED TEST. That is what pissed me off.

And just because he thought that wasn't enough, he just had to mention, the fact that I missed a few notes. But, he didn't do it quietly… NOOOOO… he had to **censor** yell to the whole class, "CAN SOMEONE LEND ALEX YOUR NOTES?!". And he didn't do it once either, he yelled it multiplie times! Even after I was talking to someone about the notes.

See what I mean?

Now if this happened once or twice a month, it would be a different story. BUT THIS SHIT. I SWEAR... It happens almost every **censor** day.

Teachers. HAVE. **censor**. MERCY.

I'm already socially awkward enough. The last thing I need, is someone embarrassing me further.

And them complaining that, 'oh, you're in applied skills', that is complete bullshit. Also, why would they make my time in their class a living hell, and then have the AUDACITY to complain about me not showing up.

That would be like if i punched you in the face, and then the next day, I asked you to come over to me again, where I then would proceed to punch you in the face again. Naturally, you would avoid me. And after you ignored me, I complained that 'oh, you're not here next to me'.

ITS **censor** UNBELIVABLE.

--------

Also, the school is saying 'well, you can't take computer science since you need to build up proficiency in a language.'. They literally cheated me the first year, they told me computer science didn't count as a foreign language, and now they say it did and it still does. Worst of all, I can't even take it since I'm on some bullshit college plan.

In short, THE SCHOOL HAS **censor** ME IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.

[Ori]

(Beware I write this on Psvita... Prepare for  an abundance of errors.) 




There's two ways to deal with teachers. One is to go along with them (Which is usually my path.) The other is two fight them.


When I say go along with them I mean just focus on the grades, avoid speaking,don't ever look at the window and raise that hand high and mighty even if you are wrong.  Teachers respect that.


Now the other way is to fight the teacher. Usually by playing Innocent. For an example if he repeated what he said after I was done taking notes, I would ask, "Wait what do you mean, I'm done taking the notes." Make the teacher explain what he did wrong by asking an innocent "What?" or "Huh?". Now the teacher is forced to try to pass it off as a joke or explain to the class how he tried to humiliate you. The most important thing is to avoid ignoring it and being quiet because people will just take the opportunity to keep pushing you around.  The other way is to talk to your teacher tell him what he's doing is not cool.


Now as for class issues, I suggest laying it on your prents... Because that's exactly what they pulled on me. My guidance councilar threw mein film making insead of art. Now I told my dad and he went straight to the principal. Just go up to the principal with it. That's the easiest way to deal with it, at least for parents


Fighting being shy is kind of tough. I've been there and I've become much better. My advice is if you have a bad case. Start by being involved in class. You might be saying Wtf. However that's where I started. Start by being able to talk, answer math questions. Don't fear failure, the worst that will happen is that people will chuckle or laugh (And people like when someone makes them laugh), or think nothing. Trust me this also makes you far easier to approach. Then slowly push forward. Next read your paper in English. Volunteer reading pages or parts of a book in English class. Remember do what you fear and fear dissapears said a wise man. Now I have a creative writing club and class at my school. PERFECT FOR THE ANTISOCIAL if you're forced to read your poems or stories. This is basically the way I opened up. A teacher in fact joked that I am much more talkative then when I first started. 


Holy crap its late and my thumbs are tired.... omg that came out bad. I have more to write so prepare yourself...

[CZAtion]

(Beware I write this on Psvita... Prepare for  an abundance of errors.) 




There's two ways to deal with teachers. One is to go along with them (Which is usually my path.) The other is two fight them.


When I say go along with them I mean just focus on the grades, avoid speaking,don't ever look at the window and raise that hand high and mighty even if you are wrong.  Teachers respect that.


Now the other way is to fight the teacher. Usually by playing Innocent. For an example if he repeated what he said after I was done taking notes, I would ask, "Wait what do you mean, I'm done taking the notes." Make the teacher explain what he did wrong by asking an innocent "What?" or "Huh?". Now the teacher is forced to try to pass it off as a joke or explain to the class how he tried to humiliate you. The most important thing is to avoid ignoring it and being quiet because people will just take the opportunity to keep pushing you around.  The other way is to talk to your teacher tell him what he's doing is not cool.


Now as for class issues, I suggest laying it on your prents... Because that's exactly what they pulled on me. My guidance councilar threw mein film making insead of art. Now I told my dad and he went straight to the principal. Just go up to the principal with it. That's the easiest way to deal with it, at least for parents


Fighting being shy is kind of tough. I've been there and I've become much better. My advice is if you have a bad case. Start by being involved in class. You might be saying Wtf. However that's where I started. Start by being able to talk, answer math questions. Don't fear failure, the worst that will happen is that people will chuckle or laugh (And people like when someone makes them laugh), or think nothing. Trust me this also makes you far easier to approach. Then slowly push forward. Next read your paper in English. Volunteer reading pages or parts of a book in English class. Remember do what you fear and fear dissapears said a wise man. Now I have a creative writing club and class at my school. PERFECT FOR THE ANTISOCIAL if you're forced to read your poems or stories. This is basically the way I opened up. A teacher in fact joked that I am much more talkative then when I first started. 


Holy crap its late and my thumbs are tired.... omg that came out bad. I have more to write so prepare yourself...

Ok, I appreciate your long and thought out response; I don't get many of those on other forums. Also, it's not the fact that I can't handle the classes I'm in, it's more of me being in classes with no friends and a teacher that dislikes me. Additionally, whenever I ask for a schedule change (and trust me… I've asked many times), the administration always pulls the "the master schedule is too hard to change" card. However, at my school, this is complete bullshit; I knew a kid last year that got switched out of one of my classes after a week of 'disrupting the class', so it's not that they can't… they just don't want to.

Which leads me to my next point, I have a shitty rep in my school. I did A LOT of stupid shit and failed miserably in my freshman year; and not many people forgot about it. In other words, any new kid that comes to the school will hear bullshit about me, then, they will not wanna be my friend. Obviously, not everyone thinks this way, but, the overwhelming majority does. Hell, being a furry doesn't help much either. I live in a conservative state where furries have a huge negative bias attached to them; and as far as I know, no other furry except me wants to cause an uproar and help solve the problems we are experiencing.

Now, about the volunteering to read in class thing, it won't do me much good with being social. I have a speech impediment where I can't properly say 'th' or any sound that ends in 'h'. Sure, it sounds minor, but you won't believe how much shit I get for it. To make it worse, whenever someone is reading for the class, everyone stares at them like its the **censor** X-Factor, this bothers me to an unimaginable extent. People staring at me, especially if they are not talking, has been a pet peeve of mine for my whole life. and also, the teachers always make me look like a **censor** idiot if I get the answers wrong.

And when I say no friends, I literally mean it. I have only one small circle of friends and I don't share a single class with any of them except for lunch. This makes every single class that much worse. Last year, even if the teacher called on me, I at least had a friend to look torwards; now, I'm just seeing everyone tear apart my soul while feeling completely alone.

Again, I have anxiety issues as well. Do you know how crazy I go in portables? I have entemophobia pretty bad, due to a bad experience a while back; so when a window is open, I go completely crazy. The class instantly turns into a game of five nights at Freddy's, and I walk out without learning shit.

Long story short,

There's only so much one person can take.
And no, I'm not gonna commit suicide, I'm gonna drop out if teachers keep pulling this shit with me.

[CZAtion]

If someone refuses to see your good side it's their fault, not yours. Everyone does bad things and good things. They have no reasonable argument to judge you from what you did years ago. Everyone changes, especially over periods of years. If only 'good' persons deserve a second chance, what point is there in second chances?

Everyone gets an answer wrong every once in a while, everyone has some kind of pet peeve and everyone has their flaws. Nobody has the right to make fun of it in any way, especially not your teachers who are supposed to be HELPING you. You could tell people about what I just wrote down, but I doubt it'll help given your situation.

I've been bullied myself for almost 6 years without having any good friends, and it has turned me into a huge introvert. I rather have nobody around then being near any group I don't know. I first liked going to school, but on a long term it became so bad I just didn't want to go at all anymore. It's getting a bit better now I found a few people in my class who were actually protective towards me since the beginning of my study, but it took me 1.5 years before it crossed my mind I should try to befriend them.

This story made me pretty sad. If things are this bad, I'd personally go search for another school.

Thanks for your advice.
I have looked for another school many times, the thing is (I don't know if it's like this where you live), schools are organized into boundary lines; you can only transfer to a certain school if you live in the area. You can obviously see why this is a problem, I'm only 16 years old: I don't have the legal rights to drop everything and move.

Moreover, even in the theoretical case that I could move, I would be away from the few real friends that I have. But, this isn't much of a problem, I only see them in my lunch period. What I'm really worried about, is how much my grades would be **censor** up; they would either be partially transferred, or, abandoned entirely. But, these problems can be overcome, and honestly; I'll take the first opportunity I get to transfer out of this hellhole.

Something I forgot to mention in my previous rant, im also entrapped in the special-Ed program. This makes it harder for me to pick my classes and to get teachers to **censor** off for once; that's another pet peeve of mine. I hate it, when teachers hover over you, or, remind you of shit you're already doing, every 5 seconds. It gets ANNOYING, and when I try to stop it, the class laughs.

---

So anyway, yeah, I'm definitely transferring out of here soon. And also, expect to see me on the forums more often; I go here a lot to chill out and relieve the overwhelming amount of stress I have.

I'm also working on covering the speech impediment with a fake accent, I already look British enough, so I just say "t'haych" sort of sound. You might say it's not a good solution, but what can I do, schools are past the point where they tell you how to properly say stuff, they assume you know most of the language.

------

But there's one problem I can't fix, I'm still on the college plan. I'm determined to take a 2 year, if that means taking computer science instead of another class I'm forced to take. But no, everyone's like "think of your future, you could regret your decision later", like I'm **censor** 5 years old or some shit. I'm 16 YEARS OLD, just because I can't drive a car or pay taxes; doesn't mean I can't make a decision about my life. And to be honest, I'd rather spend 2 more years in college, I'd be with more mature and smarter people, and the teachers would actually teach me shit. Whereas in high school, it's pretty much glorified babysitting with pretentious pricks.

Oh,  and did I mention? This school has nationalism to an unhealthy level. And the staff doesn't give a single **censor** about you unless you're a member of the football team.

Also, I'm a youtube content creator and this stress is hurting my channel, which honestly, I could make a living from, if I got more time to make videos and stuff.

[Baz Fuhrmann]

Perhaps maybe you could do home studies, or online accredited schooling?

[Rocco Rex]

Referring to your original post, sounds like you have it rough.

My dad is a control freak. He never let me get a car, drivers license, or even a job. I have to live at home as I go to college full time. He has EVERYTHING planned for EVERYONE for decades. And if something doesn't go exactly right, boy does he get ticked. When I try to say "No, I'm planning on X" it's like I didn't say anything. I have had two major injures in less than two years, and I'm leaning towards joining the Army and hoping I don't get my head blown off. Not just to pay for college, but also just so I can escape. I also have some deep fears that are realistic that I dare not tell anyone.

For over a decade, I have been in almost complete isolation. 0 friends, no social media, online gaming, fancy devices, and Internet is still highly restricted. I don't know how to interact with people now. The only reason I'm here is because I secretly bought a tablet (the first touch screen device in our house) and I want to figure out who I am and what is out there. And try to become a better person. I survived by becoming cold. I have killed off my emotions for the most part, or control them and use them to my advantage. Anger, hate, paranoia, and the occasional laugh, that's it. I turn 19 today, and I am in a mess where I can continue to try to pretend not to be miserable, or make a jump into a world I know nothing about and hope I don't screw myself up for life. My point is some people always have it worse.

My suggestions are focus on what little good you can, just blend into the background wherever, and kill your emotions. It is hard and cold, but it helps. Someone says x about me and I'm like "So?". I'm getting yelled at and I put on the act, but walk away like "whatever". If something bad comes up, I don't get stressed, I get ticked which allows me to focus harder on the problem and complete it.

[Balareth]

It is unfair that they abuse of your kindness, and if i say that is because other would teach them a lesson, my dear friend have you thought on being more rough? if they yell you at class why dont you yell back? you are on your right to comunicate your problms and explain your situation, a title doesnt make a difference, you earn respect you dont abuse of that, clearly these teachers are trying to ridiculize you, that is not cool, i would say that this is where you should stop to being submissive and respond back, am not telling you to be rude and angry, just use the same power we all have to comunicate, your teachers are using it, and so can you.




As for the No gf, low popularity etc. my friend, the best advise a feline like me is to erradicate that disease called Shyness, you must say that is hard, but it isn't is just a patron of behaviour to be in your safe place, you feel confort in your shell and i understand because i used to be like you but i realized that you can even beat a bully with your charisma, sounds crazy but listen to me.


change your style, express your feeling, laugh or cry but the key is to be unoticed, people mock of you to they want to give you attention at their way but you must act first and YOU bring the attention from them. Am gonna tell you a random example:


There's a kind of bird that makes a dance to impress the female of his specie, the Balloon fish makes some patterns in the sand to attract the female with his art. Why am i telling you this? What's the way to attract human females? Animals and humans have heart too and all has its way too, but remember this: you do have a cool guy side and a shy side, by change your look, yourwords and set everything to be popular and attract females i am not saying that you have to act like someone your not, be yourself and use your freedom of speech more oftenly and just simply say on loud voice how do you feel in the style you prefer, girls will love a person with feelings than a motionless rock (ha ha someone told me that long time ago and it worked for me )

[CZAtion]

Perhaps maybe you could do home studies, or online accredited schooling?

Unfortunately, I can't. Homeschool is not an option and online studies is only available to those with an illness that keeps them from going to school; and no, mental Illness don't count.



Post Merge: April 15, 2016, 04:08:49 PM

Referring to your original post, sounds like you have it rough.

My dad is a control freak. He never let me get a car, drivers license, or even a job. I have to live at home as I go to college full time. He has EVERYTHING planned for EVERYONE for decades. And if something doesn't go exactly right, boy does he get ticked. When I try to say "No, I'm planning on X" it's like I didn't say anything. I have had two major injures in less than two years, and I'm leaning towards joining the Army and hoping I don't get my head blown off. Not just to pay for college, but also just so I can escape. I also have some deep fears that are realistic that I dare not tell anyone.

For over a decade, I have been in almost complete isolation. 0 friends, no social media, online gaming, fancy devices, and Internet is still highly restricted. I don't know how to interact with people now. The only reason I'm here is because I secretly bought a tablet (the first touch screen device in our house) and I want to figure out who I am and what is out there. And try to become a better person. I survived by becoming cold. I have killed off my emotions for the most part, or control them and use them to my advantage. Anger, hate, paranoia, and the occasional laugh, that's it. I turn 19 today, and I am in a mess where I can continue to try to pretend not to be miserable, or make a jump into a world I know nothing about and hope I don't screw myself up for life. My point is some people always have it worse.

My suggestions are focus on what little good you can, just blend into the background wherever, and kill your emotions. It is hard and cold, but it helps. Someone says x about me and I'm like "So?". I'm getting yelled at and I put on the act, but walk away like "whatever". If something bad comes up, I don't get stressed, I get ticked which allows me to focus harder on the problem and complete it.

I'm sorry you're going through all that.

The best advice I can give is to move away, if you're 19, you should have no problem getting the hell out. In your situation, living on the streets would be better than living in a toxic household like that.

Also, my mom has an attitude that, "oh, since you don't have good grades, you don't have enough 'emotional maturity' to drive a car.", it's really bullshit. I mean, the logic doesn't make sense. It's like me saying "ok, so you're good at playing fallout 4. Then you must really suck at Tetris."

It's two completely different skill sets. They have nothing to do with each other.

Just curious, what state/city did you grow up in?

[Salakar Crocoli]

Look up Modest Mouse-Float On. Listen to the song and live by it. That's how I'm surviving.

[Baz Fuhrmann]

Perhaps maybe you could do home studies, or online accredited schooling?

Unfortunately, I can't. Homeschool is not an option and online studies is only available to those with an illness that keeps them from going to school; and no, mental Illness don't count.


 

Damn, I'm so sorry to hear that.