Mate problems?

[Eminence]

Where do I even begin? I am a female, tiny little thing. I have some pretty bad self image problems, that link with my trust problems. It has always been hard for me to find a mate, and now i'm in a relationship with a non-fur. Problem is i dont feel a spark, i feel like i have a small crush on her, but its more friendshippy. I don't want to drop the relationship because shes a really cool cat, and i think maybe it could become more. But thats not my main problem. My purroblem is i have a crush on someone else. Its a very very VERY strong crush, like the way his hair falls messily into his face, his shyness, his dorky smile.     It is all so perfect to me. And he is a fur, who cosplays(kinda) and watches anime. He is alot like me, but also so diffrent! The only thing i would change is our distance. Its pretty darn far.. But anyways, I have no clue what to do! I've been thinking about it alot..


:..Lets make this last FOREVER:..

[anoni]

My advice, leave your current relationship (but note you might not be able to get into the relationship with the person you want). The reason for this is if you don't love somebody and they love you back, it can be very unfair to the other person, because s/he'll will constantly want to get your attention, trying to get you to have the same feeling she has, but it'll ultimately fail and unless something drastic changes, chances are you'll never get those feelings for her. You can try to get into a relationship with the other person after you end your first relationship, but there are no promises whether that'll work.

[MaskaTheOtter]

Relationships are Maska's Specialty!! I helped write the book "The Do's and Don'ts of Dating"  (The never complete book on relationship advice)


Let me first start out with saying I agree with Anoni when it comes to you leaving your current relationship. If you do not feel the spark then you can't fake it.


Now the fact that you have some options here is a very good thing. First let me say if both parties are %100 into it and dedicated, long distance relationships can be truly magical. It also helps to find someone who has the same strange interests that you have. I have found my mate here on this forum and although he is very far away I know with patience and hope we can make it work. Now on to the other person that you have some interest in. It is not a bad idea to maybe see where that takes you.


Now what to do... The first step is to see how much you are really into them, and more importantly, how much they are into you. You can do this by asking questions to get to know them better and with that you can see how much they want to know about you.


This is just the first step. If you would like some more help just say so. If there is any other questions please ask.


Your friend,
Maska Sigo, the Raccoon

[Eminence]

Ahh Thank you ^u^
I've been putting a lot of thought into honestly..

[Alex Laetus]

Hi Emi ^n.n^

As my mate and anoni have said, it is dedication to a relationship that can help determine it's success.

I was in the EXACT same boat you are in; this girl who goes to my school had a humongous crush on me, and we had lots of the same interests (music, Homestuck, rp, anime, lotsa stuff . Not a fur, though .)

The relationship went on for awhile, but, it just never clicked with me; I wasn't attracted to her like she was me.

In the end, and with help from friends, I decided that it would be for the better to end the relationship; I'd only hurt her more if the relationship was prolonged and it came to be that we go so long only for her to find out that I was nowhere near as interested in dating her, as she was me. She was my friend, and I really couldn't think of her otherwise.

We're still good friends, and I will say was very hard for me to end the relationship. But in the end, we both know it was for the best.

Just don't tell anyone else that you know personally, or who WOULD warn her in advance you intend to do so. That probably won't end well.

I hope this works out for you, but I gotta jet for something else; best wishes Emi ^n.n^

[Growlithe]

I don't know if you've had any updates as it's not been noted in the last month or so, but I'm gonna assume the situation's still the same.


If it were myself and my experience, I wouldn't break up with this person. I've done that before and it really burned a bridge. I wasn't going to lie to tthem in any capacity when they asked a week later if there was someone else and I'm sure i hurt some feelings. I was just a teen, but you can make big mistakes just as well. It's also worth noting that the person could be "gilded", like the symbol of the "gilded age", meaning that this other person could look like a great catch, but could be less than what was expected. There should also be a sense of loyalty between you two. If that's not there on your part, then it might not be there in the next relationship. Lastly, I would suggest just becoming close friends with this person. If something else comes up between you and her, then so be it and move on. But definitely do not force it.

[WolvenDogma]

I would say just go with your heart, listen to your instinct but don't rush anything. It's good that your putting thought into it. I hope that it all works out for you soon!